Information about Saint Ealhswith, the wife of Saint Alfred the Great, is very little. Although he was a somewhat noisy saint, winning a major battle against the Vikings and that sort of thing, his wife's role in history is quiet. I get a subdued feeling when reading about her. She was probably fascinating. Still waters run deep and all that. We know that she was a noble lady, a daughter of Aethelred, Ealdorman of the Gaini (a race of people), and Eadburgh, a noble lady of Mercia.
Mercia was the ancient name for the approximate area of modern day England, and most of my ancestry hails way back to the very ancient beginnings of that land and of Wales and Cornwall.
Though my great grand was married to the king, she was not called a queen. Evidently this was due to some superstition in Mercia at the time that started when a woman who did have the title of queen accidently killed her husband, the king, when she intended to kill someone else. So my great grandmother did not get the title of queen and was not addressed as such during her day. History has put a damper on her tale, as if a big thick blanket had just been thrown over her. A hidden life - but in plain view.
A hidden life, in plain view is very much how it feels to be a city hermit in Albuquerque, come to think of it. The days are rushing by now. The older I get the quicker they go. I have lists of things I mean to do on every day, but the speed of time conspires against me. No matter. I can't get fired.
My 33rd great grandmother established a convent called Nunnaminster, and retired there sometime after the death of her husband. It seems to me that it is natural for people to dedicate the last years of their life to meditation on the Lord. In the Hindu convent, I read about how some Hindu elderly people would retire to the forest to live the "sannyas" monastic life. They would put on the orange colored robe and from that point on, live as brother and sister, a euphemism for living celibately together.
Celibacy is a crucial, primary feature of monastic life, though I don't see many non-institutional people discussing it these days. It isn't a popular topic among Americans. There are some folks on the internet claiming to be independent monastics of some sort, calling it by various terms, including monikers such as "anchoress" or "hermit" - while at the same time living with spouse and children and conducting an active sex life. Monastic life is a solitary life that is sometimes lived together among others who are ALSO living a celibate/chaste life, which is known as a "cenobitic" arrangement. Sex activity is not part of the deal!
Most hermits I've read about do not spend their entire lives in that state. It seems to be a type of life to which some religious folk resort for a time certain, and then they return to a more active life or, as in the case of the Hindu Sannyassinis, it is a lifetime occupation. Even so, followers would often gather around the people - something I discourage, especially since I am not attached to any institution that would support it.
It is clear to me that The Lord definitely intends for me to live this life for the duration because my circumstances keep trending in that direction very strongly. For instance, the constant aggravation with the caregiver situation. Although I was approved for a caregiver at least 2 years ago, I have yet to find one. There is a terrible dearth of "caregivers" in general, and ALL the agencies are scrambling to try to serve their clients. I have had some terrible experiences with agencies. The people either do not show up at all, or show up whenever they feel like it, or show up drunk or stoned, or show up and tell me they are disabled and can't do any real work, or show up and steal from me - or some combination of the above.
Today, the 3rd day of a new caregiver, she was late for the third day - in other words, late EVERY day - but today she is refusing to give me the simple courtesy of a phone call to tell me that she will be late.
Not only is she refusing to give me a simple phone call to advise me she will be late, but the schedule we agreed upon has VANISHED somehow, in lieu of which, she expects to wander in here at some point after dusk - whenever her other activities allow, which definitely does not work for me.
The work that she DID manage to do was sloppy, not to requirements, not in accord with what I asked, and in some cases she ruined some things which had to be thrown out. I am having to re-wash all the dishes, including the blender, which I showed her how to clean. When I brushed my teeth this morning with my battery-operated toothbrush, the unmistakable flavor, scent and pucker of Ajax chlorine bleach powder hit my nose and my taste buds. It was horrifying. The taste of some kind of filth also lingered, and I became convinced she had either dropped my toothbrush onto the floor or had used it to clean the grout in the sink (something she denies.) I rinsed and rinsed and rinsed and rinsed, then I gargled with hydrogen peroxide. And repeated. I had a headache the entire day.
Every time a new "caregiver" is slated to start, I prefer to think well of them. I try to find whatever seems good about the person. It makes me happy to do this, but, conversely, when it does not work out, it may be that my initial assumptions work against me and make me feel more disappointed. I always start with high hopes. There is something odd happening with certain types of service jobs. There is a name for this tendency to abandon service jobs in favor of others that allow you to work at home or that may pay more. Covid started it, but I believe our nation's steep disparity of income that has increased in severity since the 1970's is to blame.
The first question that goes running through my mind is; Why do these people have such a crappy work ethic?
But the second thought is the understanding that this is just another way of the Lord enforcing my hermit state but unlike a hermit with institutional support, I am just as alone over here as the Desert Mothers - and perhaps MORE so. I am not without friends. Don't get me wrong. I have some lovely friends, but they have husbands and families and live on the other side of town.
After two years of disruptive irresponsible "caregivers" coming to my apartment and wasting my time training and instructing them, only to find myself shat upon in one fashion or another, I am resolved to TAKE THE HINT and give up on the idea of a caregiver. (Face it - the caregivers have given up on ME, really. It is silly to pretend that I can CHOOSE to give them up, since I can't seem to keep one here.)
Because I am physically disabled and cannot keep up with dishes and cooking, and because this is the main source of the mess in the apartment, aside from the paperwork that has gotten away from me, I need to figure out a completely different method of getting myself fed. I may need to eat at a restaurant every day. I really don't know. How could I AFFORD that? It seems unreasonable.
If I lived near a health food restaurant or store where I could pop in and have something to eat quickly every day, that would be ideal - if I could figure out how to afford it.
Even CANNED food has to be heated up in some utensil, and then bowls and spoons involved, etc. Likewise a salad involves washing and cutting, and then cleaning of bowls, plates, flatware.
Frozen meals used to be affordable, but they're not, really, especially since the electricity keeps getting shut off over here, endangering the safety of eating food that has been partially defrosted and then re-frozen again.
I thought about making smoothies, but those also involve washing and cutting of the fruits, assembling the blender, making it, then taking apart the blender and washing it and the glass that I use to drink from. All of these activities require a certain amount of standing for prep work and dish washing that I just can't do.
This topic stimulates some lovely memories I have of when I was a nun in a Vedanta (Hindu) convent in California and I often volunteered to do the cooking part of the work schedule that the younger nuns had to do. Cooking is a marvelous way to demonstrate to others a certain care for them and is an aspect of loving service that we all NEED. Feeding someone literally keeps them alive. It is hard, now, to be so physically compromised that I cannot even cook for myself, much less in service to others, but it is important for me to learn to surrender to the reality of the situation. I do my best to be a light burden on others, at the very least.
Now, if I was Saint Ealhswith, I would never have to worry about how to feed myself because others would be doing it for me. She was a queen, a station of life that relies on a model in which one person gets served by dozens of people, which is rather more the opposite of monastic life. It is fascinating to me that I am descended from so many kings and queens because that life is certainly different than the one I have led!
I am going to bring this to the Lord and ask HIM to fix it up for me. After all, HE is the one who has made me THE ACCIDENTAL HERMIT. It is up HIM to fix it. Isn't it?
Or shall I just retire the kitchen cooking supplies, give up all food prep and struggle on? I don't know. Saint Ealhswith, my grandmother, please inspire me today and intercede for me at the foot of God's holy throne.
May we all be blessed!
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