DIARY OF AN ACCIDENTAL HERMIT TWO: MY RULE OF LIFE

As an informal but continuous urban hermit for more than 20 years, it has been suggested and demonstrated to me that it is time to share a bit of whatever I have learned and earned over the last two decades.

At age 70, it is time to consolidate these solitary monastic years into an icon of my life's message and to perhaps speed up in the direction toward which I have steered my prayers, penances and poetry.

I do not know how much time I have left, but even if there is another 50 years (which is possible), it would be foolish not to consider Heaven's requirements on a daily basis, when one gets to my age.

SHRINE AT NIGHT

Until now, I have mostly kept it all to myself, struggling against the basic human urges, sinful inclinations, and plain old laziness. An independent urban contemplative only has herself to monitor all that. Believe me, few people would want that job. I myself still struggle with whether or not to approach the Archbishop about becoming a Diocesan hermit and giving my personal vows into his hands, what to speak of the Archbishop himself, who might say, "Lord save me! How much work will this woman be?"

Even though I have lived this life for 20 years, I am nowhere near the level of perfection of attention to my personal vows that I would like to be, and do not know if I will ever arrive at the goal. Monastic life is hard enough without being old and disabled and half-blind, with no family, no money and precious little support.

"Vade retro Satana," I say. Get behind me, Satan!

Satan craves the souls of those who have dared to even try to become saints in the slightest way. Anyone who has the nerve to commit to a prayer schedule, to live for God alone, to sacrifice anything for the sake of Him, is Satan's prey. He doesn't bother those who willingly walk through his front door.

Charlemagne, Hermit dog

Anyway, it is time to "fish or cut bait," and leave something behind. I have begun to converse with my parish about starting a ministry for the "elder orphans" for our parish and The Catholic Church at large, in connection with the "Rebuild Our Church Initiative." This is something to which I have given much thought and have done a lot of the initial work of devising the structure and the possible avenues of help and cooperation with this abandoned but large demographic.

I have created a CATHOLIC ELDER ORPHANS MINISTRY page on Facebook but have yet to start a campaign of invitation, since I am in the preliminary stages.

One deceptively small aspect of this ministry is the building of a vehicle of support for the spiritual contemplative lives of those who are home-bound, due to disability and/or old age. One day, it will be a very large third order, at least for such time as the "baby boomers" are alive. For their sake, I am writing this post.

In this post, I will give a glimpse into the Rule of Life by which I have been living for some time. In the last 20 years, it has gone through a number of iterations and may even go through more changes, if required, as a result of my conversations with the Archbishop, should I decide to approach him.

Orchids in the Kitchen Window

The Overall Goal of the practice: Pray without ceasing

Pray without ceasing.

In all things give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you all."
1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18
(Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition)

I use various methods to "pray without ceasing" and keep my mind fixed on God, even while doing other activities.

THE PRACTICE OF THE PRESENCE OF GOD

I often bring to mind the lesson of the life of Brother Lawrence, and from him I derive my primary spiritual practice, and that is "The Practice of the Presence of God," which is also the name of the book credited to him.

Brother Lawrence was considered unfit for the high class job of being a priest or even a monk in the choir. Apparently, his intellectual and musical gifts were sparse. He usually found himself washing pots and pans in the kitchen, and it is in this lowly occupation that he found The Lord.

I seldom have help in my home and am often slaving over the dishes, which take me a very long time to finish because I am unable to stand for long periods of time, due to my bad knees and feet. (In fact, all my joints are my enemies, thanks to an inherited condition.) I conjure up the humble attitude of Brother Lawrence while in this occupation, especially when I survey the mess that usually greets me.

The Happy Hermit

Although I typically prefer silence at all times, if I am finding it difficult to wrangle the mind to my purpose, I will play Gregorian Chant. (Famous modern exorcist, Fr. Chad Ripperger, says that Satan and his demons hate Gregorian Chant, which is an added bonus.)

As a physically disabled person, my Rule of Life has always been and will continue to be frankly aspirational, since my disabilities cause chaos in my schedule, I have little to no assistance, and my finances are like a straight-jacket. I am at the mercy of my circumstances, but I recognize the one crucial blessing that I have the "retirement" income to support my basic sustenance. My misfortunes are all my path to Heaven.

Chaplet of Our Lady of Sorrows

With Amber Beads

Years ago, an acquaintance who was also interested in monastic life asked me to give her a copy of my Rule of Life, which I had only just begun to imagine, and I gave her something which I whipped up quickly and which now seems entirely ridiculous. I hope she threw it away, as it was worthless.

20 years of experience as a solitary have taught me some things, and I am still learning, so you can fully expect that this Rule of Life will continue to change, as time goes on.

One of the many defects I inherited from my mother's family line is a wicked case of insomnia. Nothing seems to work to control it, so I do the best I can to maintain my schedule, in spite of it. If I am unable to meet the exact timing of the schedule, I adapt it to pray when I am able. I can't let perfection become the enemy of the good.

Orchids in the Kitchen Window

The typical contemplative monastic will say or chant the Daily Office during specific times of the day. Each day is a long series of prayers, and I cannot do them all, particularly since they shift, according to the date and year, when some texts are substituted for others. Frankly, it is confusing. I think that Brother Lawrence and I have something in common here. I am not a high-class nun of the choir stall. I have many limitations.

When imagining my monastic practice, I had originally thought I would chant the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary, but this also, in its entirety, is too much for me, given all my physical restrictions. Instead, I chant only the Vespers at my 6:00 p.m. prayer time.

Every day brings its own load of pain and suffering. Some days are taken up with doctor appointments. Others are occupied with "caregivers" who require supervision and training. My little service dog, though a blessed relief amongst the pain, is himself ill some of the time, now that he is old and decrepit like his mom, so I must work for HIM as well as myself.

Charlemagne, the service dog

None of my days are my own, since becoming disabled, which is why I must "pray without ceasing," by way of the practice of the presence of God, as my primary spiritual practice.

Recently, I added some prayers from Father Ripperger's book of Deliverance Prayers for the Laity, most especially the daily prayers on page 92, and a few of the others in the book that are helpful.

The deliverance prayers are for the purpose of keeping Satan at bay and chasing him and his demons out of my environment and away from my person. The disabled and isolated hermit is sometimes targeted by evil people who notice her vulnerability, and I need help keeping them at bay, which is why these prayers are necessary.

I have accumulate a set of core prayers that I make effort to do daily at the times allocated for those, and if I have time, there are others that I also include. A few are chanted in Latin, which I am just learning to do - especially the Angelus at 6, noon and 6, because those are my core prayer hours. Although I am not able to do all the hours from the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary, I chant Vespers in Latin during the 6:00 Prayer time.

RULE OF LIFE FOR SILVER ROSE

MY INSPIRATION

"For my father and my mother have left me, but the Lord hath taken me up." Psalm 27:10

MY METHOD

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14

and

"But thou, when thou shalt pray, enter into thy chamber, and having shut the door, pray to thy Father in secret: and they Father who seeth in secret will repay thee." Matthew 6:6

One could obviously point out the contradiction that, here we are touting prayer in secret in a public forum, but this blog is being left as an instruction and a record, for the benefit of others of like mind, and I think we are O.K. I have been living this life for two decades and, so far, it has not benefited me all that much to have a blog. My impression is that few people are interested in the difficulties of this kind of life. If my blog was about more traditional enjoyments, the result would be otherwise.

Even though assailed with numerous personal impediments, my practice is centered in unceasing prayer throughout the day. How is that done? The answer is deceptively simple. I keep my mind on Him throughout the day and maintain the consciousness of connection with Him - but not only Him. I am with the entire Heavenly Court in every action and effort of the day.

Standing, eating, sleeping, praying, doing the dishes - or taking a shower. In all those things and everything else, I am with them all in almost a tactile fashion. I feel them. Sometimes I "see" them, after a fashion, in my mind's eye.

FLOWERS AND ROCKS IN THE KITCHEN WINDOW

Everyone will have their own version of this. I fix my attention on the entire Heavenly Court in my practice. As it happens, I am descended from and related to more than two dozen saints, and these relatives make a joyous noise in my inner geography. They are SO glad to see me in the Catholic fold, after watching me bang around from a natal family that was hostile to religion in general and Catholicism in particular, to the Scientologists, the Buddhists, the Hindus, the Episcopalians and then the Catholics.

I had actually tried to get baptized by the Catholics before the Episcopalians ever appealed to me. The only reason I got baptized by the Episcopalians is because the nun in the RCIA class at the Catholic Church kicked me out, saying that, because she had found out I had been divorced from another non-baptized person that I would have to have a many-years' long procedure of a Catholic annulment before they would agree to baptize me - an idea that makes no logical sense and is not The Rule in Catholicism. (A lot of these "rules" that people talk about are actually entirely made up in the imaginations of uninformed people and said "uninformed people" can be and often ARE nuns, monks or priests whose formation was not that great.)

At any rate, my sainted ancestors who were praying for me, as well as my guardian angel and the other angels and saints, and the Blessed Mother all prayed diligently for me while I was bumbling around, looking for God, here and there, I am sure of it, in order to get me where I am today, simply a Catholic of any variety. I don't forget them in my daily trials and tribulations because I credit all of them with helping to realize the grace that the Lord gave me by his allurements of my heart.

Saint Olga, "Equal to the Apostles"

My 24th Great Grandmother

Even in my terrible, anti-religious, Catholic-hating, abusive and horrible childhood, I felt His call, and I just know that all those ancestor saints were participating. So - they are all part of my world today and it is to them that I credit anything I am able to accomplish in my solitary monastic endeavor here, as an urban hermit without visible means of spiritual support.

It is my belief that it is important to have a personal story that one tells oneself in order to continue to hang onto the singular monastic ideal. However you see yourself in relation to the Divine should be something that gives you courage and resourcefulness, as well as confidence. There will be a particular orientation or story line that establishes and gives solidity to the contemplative vocation for oneself.

Saint Rose of Lima

Solidly in my deliberations about how I ended up as a Catholic hermit, is the strong feeling that Satan was sure of me - sure that I would be his - because he had managed to disappoint, distract and detach my ancestors on both sides of the family, back to about the level of my 2nd and 3rd great grandparents, away from the Catholic Church. He was thrilled to capture the descendants of all those saints, snatching them from the solidly Catholic family tree, and luring them across the sea to the new world.

These 2nd and 3rd great grandparents were the immigrant generations. It appears that, for the most part, when these people sailed to America, they left their religion behind them, and all of them were Catholic, except for a number of "Church of England" people. Some of them were descendants of saints, such as Saint Margaret of Scotland, Queen and wife of Saint Malcolm of Scotland, and Saint Olga of Kyiv, "Equal to the Apostles," patron saint of converts, and my 34th great grandmother.

Saint Olga of Kyiv

I am particularly encouraged by Saint Olga because she did some horrible things, repented, and became such a saint that she bears the moniker of "Equal to the Apostles." I could come nowhere near the level of brutality and hurtful sins over a wide swathe of territory that Saint Olga committed before becoming saintly. If Olga could become a saint, there is hope for all of us. Being the patron saint of converts gives me further courage, as I spent my whole life going from one religion to another, until I found Catholicism 30 years ago and converted from Hinduism....the latest of my religious adventures, in which I had become a Vedanta nun!

In addition, Saint Olga lived during the time period PRIOR to the great schism in which right and left "lungs" of The Church breathed their last together, so my dedication of my prayers toward the reunification of the Catholic Church with the Orthodox is well-founded. What is very odd (and gives me chills) is that I decided on that dedication BEFORE I ever knew that Saint Olga was my ancestor.

The Lord arranges these things nicely, it seems to me. He had something in mind for me for a very long time, just as He does for everyone, I imagine.

This is not to say that you must be descended from saints in order to be sure of your path as a disabled hermit. I am just giving you an accounting of what helps to keep me on this journey.

HERMITAGE DEDICATION

My prayers are offered up for the purpose of the reunification of the Catholic Church and the Orthodox Church through a reversal of The Great Schism by the offering up of all my pains and sufferings as reparation for my sins and the sins of the whole world.

PATRON SAINTS

Saint Olga, "Equal to the Apostles"
Saint Rose of Lima
Saint Margaret of Castello
All the hermit saints
My ancestor saints in Heaven

Hermitage Shrine
(c) Copyright 2024, Silver S. Parnell
All rights reserved.

MARIAN DEVOTIONS

Sorrowful Mother
Our Lady of Fatima
Our Lady of Knock

COLORS

Peach - the color of the expansive, solitary wilderness of the desert
Lavender (light purple) - the color of penance and sacrifice

I probably will not wear an actual habit, but when I wrap a prayer shawl around me or put a veil over my head, it might be peach or lavender, and I will think of the significance of those colors.

Personal Limitations:

Rather than commit to praying the entire Daily Office or even the whole Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary, I have a number of devotions that I pray throughout the day. They are shorter or more simple than the standard daily office and can be "plugged in" as disabilities allow. (I do try to pray Vespers from the Little Office during my 6 p.m. prayers.)

Generally speaking, I consider the Angelus and the 3 sessions of silent meditation to be the rock bottom basic requirement. Other things get filled in, as ability presents itself.

Nuns Praying

by Mateos Campos Felipe for Unsplash

[Core Hours in Bold]

Rising - 5 a.m.

Morning prayer - 6 a.m.

Noon prayer - 12:00 p.m.

Afternoon prayers - 3:00 p.m.

Evening prayer - 6:00 p.m.

Bedtime prayers - 9:00 p.m.

Minimum spiritual practices

As I mention elsewhere, the complete schedule is "aspirational" due to disabilities, doctor appointments, physical therapy visits, etc., but the minimum schedule is hoped for. Other prayers are "plugged into" the schedule, as the situation permits. Combination of prayers and silent meditation range from 4 to 7 hours per day.

3 Angelus prayers per day in Latin ( 6/noon/6)

3 hours of silent meditation per day (6/noon/6)

Practice of the presence of God (all day)

Daily Offering

1 Daily Rosary

Miraculous Medal Prayer

Woman praying in Church

by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash

A partial listing of the prayers that may be plugged into each of the above hours, follows:

Partial List of Daily Prayers:

Rising Prayers - 5 a.m.

*Morning Offering / Brown scapular - "O my God, in union with the Immaculate Heart of Mary (kiss the scapular as a sign of my consecration), I offer thee the Precious Blood of Jesus from all the altars throughout the world, joining with it the offering of my every thought, word and action of this day. O my Jesus, I desire today to gain every indulgence and merit I can, and I offer them, together with myself, to Mary Immaculate, that she may best apply them to the interests of Thy most Sacred Heart. Precious Blood of Jesus, save us! Immaculate heart of Mary, pray for us! Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us!"

*Miraculous Medal Prayer - Short: "O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!" (kiss the medal.)

*Miraculous Medal Prayer - Complete: "O Virgin Mother of God, Mary Immaculate, I dedicate and consecrate myself to thee under the title of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal. May this medal be for me a sure sign of thy affection for me and a constant reminder of my duties toward thee. Ever while wearing it may I be blessed by thy loving protection and preserved in the grace of thy son. AMEN" (Kiss the medal.)

Priest holding up Eucharist

by Jacob Bentzinger on Unsplash

PIETA PRAYER BOOK:

Page 15

*"Come Holy Spirit" prayer

*Pray 7 "Glory Be's" to the Holy Spirit for enlightenment.

*Prayer to Guardian Angel

*Pray 7 "Glory Be's" to my Guardian Angel for guidance.

MY SAINT PIO PRAYER BOOK:

Page 38

*Prayers to St. Michael, the Archangel:

*Morning Prayer

*Protection Prayer

Page 39

*Prayer to Our Guardian Angel

*Invocations to Our Guardian Angels

Page 45

*St. Patrick's Breastplate

Page 46

*Prayer to St. Lucy

UNITED STATES CONFERENCE OF CATHOLIC BISHOPS' WEBSITE FOR DAILY BIBLE READING:

*https://bible.usccb.org/

(I read the day's Bible readings, then take a break for coffee and to set up the shrine with candles and incense.)

Morning Prayer - 6:00 a.m.

*Seal myself with holy water and pray the "Glory Be"

LITTLE OFFICE OF THE BLESSED VIRGIN MARY

Appendix V

*The Angelus, chanted in Latin (Except in Pascal Time, when I chant the Regina Coeli.)

PIETA PRAYER BOOK

*p. 18 - Prayer to defeat the work of Satan

*p. 23 - Prayer to St. Gertrude the Great

*p. 26 - Prayer to obtain the grace of all the world's masses.

*p. 38 - Devotion to the Sorrowful and the Immaculate Heart of Mary:

This message was confided by Our Lord to Berthe Petit, a humble Franciscan tertiary, born on January 23, 1870, at Enghien, Belgium:

"Teach souls to love the heart of thy Mother, pierced by the very sorrows which pierced mine." - confided to Berthe Petit (December 25, 1909)

"I have called myself the Immaculate Conception. To you, I call myself Mother of the Sorrowful Heart. This title, willed by my son, is dear to me above all others. Accordingly, as it is spread everywhere, there will be granted graces of mercy, spiritual renewal, and salvation."

"Mary, Queen of the Holy Angels, pray for us."

DELIVERANCE PRAYERS

-For Use by the Laity-

by Fr. Chad Ripperger, PhD.

"For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers, against the rulers of the world of this darkness, against the spirits of wickedness in the high places." St. Paul, in Ephesians 6:12

* p. 39 - Perimeter prayer

* p. 13 - Sealing prayer

*p. 15 - Prayer of Authority

*p. 18 - Prayer of Protection

*p. 27 - Adjuration

*p. 25 - Prayer to Remove Generational Spirits

*p. 38 - Short Form Deliverance

*p. 14 - Invocation of the Entire Heavenly Court

*p. 44 - Consecration of One's Exterior Goods to the Blessed Virgin Mary.

*p. 44 - Prayer Against Oppression for Those Who have Consecrated Their Exterior Goods

*p. 92 - Prayers of the Auxilium Christianorum

*Meditation - one hour

Noon Prayer - 12:00

*Angelus (Latin)

*1 hour silent meditation

Afternoon Prayer - 3:00 p.m.

Chaplet of some variety, usually Sorrowful Mother or St. Michael the Archangel
Brief silent meditation, depending upon time available.

Vespers - 6:00 p.m.

Angelus (Latin)
Vespers (Latin) from Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary
One Hour Meditation

Bed time (Compline) - 9 p.m.

The Pieta Prayer Book

*p. 16 - Prayer for Daily Neglects

*p. 16 - Prayers for the Pope

*Rosary

ASCETIC PRACTICES

Fasting - Monday through Saturday

No breakfast
Remainder of day: 1 meal & 1 snack

Fasting - Fridays

In addition to the above, no meat.

I have several saintly patrons, one of which is Saint Rose of Lima. She was an able-bodied and beautiful young woman and therefore had to inflict upon herself various painful practices. To destroy her beauty, she rubbed pepper on her face. That kind of thing.

In the middle-ages, a "hair shirt" and other instruments of torture were used to bring suffering upon the practitioner.

But the elderly and/or disabled hermit has no need of that. Our bodies produce their own pain and suffering, without any help from our will.

The fasting is a token, with a nod toward my hermit brothers and sisters, and in union with those in the world who really are too poor for proper food. There ARE days when a disturbed schedule or a physical problem will make it so that I have to eat during a time I had not anticipated, but this is in line with the idea that the entire Rule of Life is "aspirational."

Throughout the day, especially when I am being challenged by pain and suffering of some sort, and I need the intercession of The Divine, I will resort to short "ejaculations" such as one of the following:

Lord, save me!
Blessed Mother, intercede for me!
Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me, a poor sinner!
Holy Spirit, inspire me!
Guardian Angel, guide me!

I have never been very good at memorization, so I stick with these short prayers when I am immersed in daily activities or in too much pain to offer anything complex.

When dealing with intense pain:

During times of protracted, intense suffering, or during a time when I would typically be taking a meal but have fasted instead, I offer up those episodes of suffering with a form of prayer given to us by our Lady of Fatima:

"O, my Jesus, it (this sacrifice) is for love of thee, for the conversion of sinners, and in reparation for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary."

There are days when that Fatima prayer may be all I can do. My inabilities do a lot to keep me humble. I also pray The Litany of Humility and I say a prayer for Daily Neglects that I found in the Pieta Prayer Book, which is so helpful to me.

Generally speaking, being disabled and in need all the time, and having to beg for help from all the unrelated people who have to be talked into rendering aid, is a humiliating experience. The Litany of Humility is rarely needed.

I enjoy my life very much, otherwise. Picking through my favorite prayers and praying them, when I have time to add them, is a great joy. If I was not constantly stressed by lack of transportation and other mundane issues, life would be sublime.

But I am frequently reminded that, no matter what is happening must be within God's will somewhere, and therefore it is all okay. My Hindu teacher used to say the same....that when we wonder what God is doing, just say to ourselves, "something good is going on."

I realize that this is a very long post and may not appeal to hardly anyone, but it was time to give some picture of my life to my readers, before it is too late.

Please do not forget the GO FUND ME CAMPAIGNS, which you will find underneath my profile photograph, above right, at the top of the blog. One is for the building of a hermitage for myself and whoever else will follow (to be left in my will to The Church or a charitable organization I can set up.)

The other campaign is for a desperately needed CAR.

If you have any questions about this post or the Go Fund Me campaigns, or anything else, shoot me a message on facebook, or you can always comment on this platform.

In the meantime, God bless you all!

Silver Rose

Silver Cottage Hermitage

DIARY OF AN ACCIDENTAL HERMIT TWO

BACK YARD

Monday, October 14, 2024

MY RULE OF LIFE

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