The more I study the lives of the saints, it becomes more firmly established in my understanding that most of us have a destiny and a hedge of limitations that are set in place by what you could call "the accident of birth," in other words, if we were not born to the parents we were born to, our lives would most probably have resulted in something quite different.
After all, our parents get together and participate in the act of creation, each providing some aspect of the physical reality of a third person, and then this person comes into the world, a combination of both parents and, typically, lives in an atmosphere exuded by those parents, in some fashion or another.
Traditionally, people have become kings and queens due to this inherited destiny, and Saint Jadwiga of Poland is no different. My point is that destiny isn't restricted to the nobility alone. We are physically part of our family of origin, created from the DNA of those people.
As is sometimes the case, Jadwiga is another one of my "shirt tail relations." This one is comically complicated. She is RELATED TO Saint Hedwig of Silesia, and was named for her. Saint Hedwig of Silesia is the sister-in-law of my 2nd cousin, 24 times removed (Phillipe August II of France.) If you can keep that in your mind, you're a better man than I, Gunga Din.
Jadwiga was crowned "King," partially as a move to prohibit her husband from purloining the title from her. She had more Polish blood than most of the other available nobles - and the blood line was always what was important with the royals. It still is, I imagine.
The royals who become saints always interest me because they have all this massive power and money at their disposal, and yet they devote themselves fervently to a pursuit of a Godly life in the form of holy works, prayers, and that sort of thing. But I ALWAYS remind myself that these people of position and power are entirely free of any and all physical work having to do with the maintenance of their person. They do not wash a dish or cook or clean. What else would they do but take endless meetings, and pray? Some of these people never even DRESSED themselves or wiped their own butts! Servants did it all.
The machinations and negotiations of the matter of Jadwiga's husband would bore you to tears, so I won't give all the details. Suffice it to say that it seems to me that every one of these stories has the poor girl being pushed around and told what to do by countless men, and it's no wonder that many of these saintly maids turn and flee to a convent, as soon as the husband is dispatched to his death. (Jadwiga, however, is not one of these. She actually preceded her husband in death.)
In Jadwiga's case, she even had one prospective father-in-law demanding to set the time of consummation of the marriage, which is a little too close for my comfort, I can tell you that, but I am sure you have heard or read that in some royal instances, there are people either witnessing that event or sneaking in afterward to examine the bed linens to ensure that the woman was virgin. To have so many people intruding on one's intimate life would be much too communal for me, no matter how glamorous the life.
In this case, however, the very young Jadwiga was not able to marry the beau she had chosen (William of the previously mentioned demanding prospective father-in-law) as he had been rousted from bed and thrown from the castle. There are tales that she tried to follow him but the doors were locked against her leaving and, though she demanded an axe to break it down, she was not able to leave the castle. It is probably just as well, because she was barely 12 years old, or perhaps only 11.
It wasn't long before prelates and lords determined she would marry Jogaila, the Grand Duke of Lithuania, with whom they had conducted long negotiations. There are conflicting stories about Jadwiga's agreement to marry him. One pretty tale claims that after a long period of prayer it was revealed to her by God that Jogaila was to be her husband. I rather think that this was an invention to take the stink off a marriage of a 12 year-old child to a 35 year-old man. Can you imagine?
Jogaila had to promise to convert to Catholicism and to pay off the suitor that Jadwiga actually loved, young William of Habsburg, with 200,000 florins.
Jadwiga was considered to have been an excellent ruler, on the level of Boleslaw the Brave and Casimir the Great.
With regard to her holiness, she is part of a zealously religious family, she attended mass every day, and she was particularly devoted to the Blessed Virgin Mary. There are allusions to many miracles attributed to her, and she is considered a medieval mystic (my kinda gal!) In 1997, Pope John Paul II prayed at her sarcophagus, she was beatified in August of 1986, and canonized a saint of the Catholic Church in June of 1997.
Everything about her lengthy story (which is nicely written out on Wikipedia, if you have interest) confirms my original premise that our destiny is in at least a major part, determined by our family situation. We come into the world prepared for it, and the situation into which we are born guides us, to a greater or lesser degree.
There is something to be said for having been born into an extremely religious family, for one thing. The Catholic Church, with its emphasis on family and on early Christian education, is wise to the importance of this. Early religious education informs you of the world of the spirit and provides a backdrop for your early life, as well as a foundation for future spiritual exploration. Of course, the hope is naturally that the children will continue on in the faith when they become adults, but it isn't mandatory. When it comes time to choose, one knows better what one is choosing if education in the faith has happened early. You've got to start somewhere, right?
In my case, I left home at 16, jumped into Scientology at 17, then went on to two different styles of Buddhism, Hinduism (Vedanta), and mystical Catholicism. Without ANY religious training or education while young, my life as a young adult was a living study - a classroom of experience,
It is not possible for someone like me, for instance, to become a saint. The word "Saint," in the context of the Catholic worldview, is a formal designation. There's an entire code around it and is somewhat formulaic, if I may use that word. My life course was not set up in that fashion. My family was not "zealously religious," and was barely a family to begin with! A couple of wildly narcissistic people got together and got pregnant, had a short marriage and then moved on with their lives, separately. Mistakes were made and abuse happened against us children.
For my sibling and I, our parents are dead and will never make amends or help to heal OUR wounds. We must do that ourselves, with the help of others. Thanks be to God, I have a family of friends helping me, doing what they can to fill in the blanks. But can I become a saint? No. Not in the formal sense. Most of us couldn't possibly. We don't have the bona fides. I suppose if I started churning out miracles, The Church would have to do something about that, but it isn't likely to happen. I can barely get myself fed and clothed! Saint Jagwida came into this world somewhat set up for the position, it seems to me.
Can we ordinary people without pedigrees become "saintly?" I am sure of it. Of course we can. But it would always be a personal project. No one is going to help you with it. If you don't come from the right family and if your background isn't within a narrow parameter, you won't even be considered suitable for a convent. If you've been divorced, for instance, forget it.
When I left the Hindu convent to get baptized and become Catholic, I had no idea that this was the state of affairs. I think I assumed that I would be baptized, my sins would be washed away in the eyes of The Church, and then I would happily join a Catholic Convent and become a happy little mystic there. But I was tragically naïve and uninformed.
And if you think it is any different as an independent religious, you'd be wrong about that. Despite the religious vocation of a hermit being part of the canon of the church, just try to get some spiritual support for it and see what happens. If you don't have money, if you aren't a cradle Catholic, just see if you get any help.
The saints are very inspiring people, no doubt - but they have resources that many of us will never have - and there comes a time when the physical demands of one's life stand in the way of living a visibly monastic life. It is almost all I can do just to SURVIVE. I do spend a great deal of time in a perpetual walking prayer, like Brother Lawrence, but it doesn't look like the monastic life I envisioned. DESTINY. It's not with me, and I can't force it. Despite living as a monastic for 20 years, there is no spiritual, emotion or physical help coming from The Church.
I will be 67 in August. I am bowled over by it. There was a time when I was sure I might not reach adulthood. Yet, here I am - hoping to live another 60. But I am taking time now, in the midst of Covid which has caused an even more isolated life than is typical for me, to reflect on my life so far and to readjust my aspirations for the remainder.
I come from a family of artists and writers. The only skills I have that I can continue to do, physically speaking, are the artistic ones - writing, painting, jewelry making. No one ever told me I was too fat to be a writer. No one has ever said that I wasn't physically strong enough to paint or that they would not accept my jewelry for sale in their store because I had been divorced. You see? Destiny. Nothing in my background is a bar to marketing my creative works. But it ALL works against me when I am trying to get spiritual support for the monastic vocation I've spent more than two decades living.
Meanwhile, my health and finances are terrible and I am slowly falling down the rabbit hole. I had counted on the inheritance my father had promised me my whole life, but he died under highly suspicious circumstances and I had been written out of his will AFTER he got dementia. So, someone else is spending my inheritance while I struggle to survive.
It occurs to me that there are few advantages to being poor, but at least no one will kill me for my money! (In case you are wondering, I didn't even know my father had died until his body was cremated, so there was nothing I could do to have his death investigated. I am confident, however, that the people who killed him and stole my inheritance will have to answer for it in the eternity we all face at the end of our lives. They better enjoy the money now because there will be Hell to pay later! God will take care of them. It is not my business now.)
Anyway, all of this has left me stranded and I need to change some things. I don't receive enough income to support myself, so I can no longer afford to live a monastic lifestyle. I can't ask other people to feed me and house me. That means that I need to spend my energy doing things that will help me survive. I have previously sold my writing and my art, so I am going back to it. God will have to follow ME around for the next couple decades, for a change.
For the present time, I still need help with basic survival and with health issues. One friend has asked me to create another donation list on Amazon, and another has suggested I create a Go Fund Me campaign and she will let some people know.
The Amazon Wish List is made, and you will find it HERE.
There are many expenses connected with purchasing of supplies for the art and the writing. If you would like to donate to those things, please press the "DONATE" button above my picture at the top of this diary post. {If you have any questions about the types of things I need in this regard, feel free to contact me on FACEBOOK < (CLICK "FACEBOOK") OR leave a comment on this blog.
If you would like some personal recommendations, I am happy to provide those. Just contact me.
When the GOFUNDME campaign is made, I will edit this blog and provide a link.
I will also try my best to keep you in the loop and let you know how I am progressing. When one is in constant chronic pain and mobility is affected, it is very difficult to make changes in an exercise routine and to be able to stand long enough to prepare healthy meals. (It is so much less painful to just get in the car and go to a drive-through, isn't it?) I have been approved for a caregiver to come in and help me with the housekeeping and cooking, and once that happens, it will be easier, so perhaps you will all do me the favor of praying for a caregiver to be sent my way!
God bless us all.
Silver Rose
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