"Saint Landrada - Teaching the Widows and the Young"
SAINT LANDRADA OF AUSTRASIA
(d. Munsterbilzen, abt. 690 a.d.)
Feast Day: July 8
I dearly wish I could say that dedicating my life to the spiritual path would have automatically smoothed my path, that angels would go before me, paving the way for a steady and serene life. The truth is that one leads a spiritual life in spite of the dramas of daily life. Ridding oneself of unnecessary physical aspirations does help, but physical disabilities have interfered terribly - plus they make me far less "useful" in a parish or a convent. Like the hermits of the very early church, I am on my own, with only God to help and guide me on a daily basis.
Part of the difficulty, in addition to the limitations of mobility and chronic pain, is that I live among other human beings, in close quarters, in an apartment where many low-income people live, and we are surrounded by a sizeable contingent of drug addicts and homeless people. In fact, according to a police officer I spoke with, there are more than 200 people camping alongside the bosque that lines the Rio Grande River which flows past my apartment.
I've lived in this location, devoting my life to prayer and contemplation, for 16 years now, and, over those years, the local crime has gotten worse and worse. Theft of personal items in our gardens, on our patios and in our cars has become a huge problem.
THE LATEST IN A LONG STRING OF THEFTS
Customarily, when the hooligans don't find some easy change in the ashtray, they leave the rest of the contents alone. It might be that they are looking for partially smoked cigarettes. I do not smoke, but they don't know that. Cigarettes are expensive, and the homeless will pick up half-smoked butts and put them to their lips, regardless of whatever germs and viruses might cover them.
This time, however, they took EVERYTHING from the interior, from the small trash bag I leave on the floor of the front passenger seat, to the sunscreen, the dog's leashes and car seat and, most regrettably, my PRESCRIPTION SUNGLASSES (which are going to be extremely time consuming and costly to replace, since I need a new prescription and was not able to get an appointment with my eye doctor until NOVEMBER. I realize this may seem improbable to anyone who is NOT on the poverty spectrum, but the fact is that the only affordable doctors for someone in my position are, understandably, jammed with clients in a town like Albuquerque where such a high percentage of the population is poor. Because of my numerous serious eye diseases, it is also not feasible to go to just anyone for my care - even when it comes to my prescription needs.)
While sunglasses are marketed as a sexy accessory, my need for them is medical and crucial. I've already lost the vision in one eye, and when the other eye "goes" I will obviously not be ABLE to drive at all - at which point, survival becomes even more crushingly difficult than it is at present, so losing my sunglasses is somewhat of a disaster.
When I asked the police clerk who took my report WHY they would take such non-salable items, she informed me they usually just throw them away and she doesn't know why. Unfortunately, although I DID check our dumpster immediately after discovering the vandalism, it was entirely empty. The garbage truck had already been to our property and took everything away.
I surmise that the thieves' method is to quickly sweep everything from the car and then go through it at their leisure in another location, hoping for something they can use, sell or smoke. Some years ago, police officers told me that there are more than 200 people living in the Bosque - camped out there - just yards from this complex. It is illegal, but they are skilled at evading the police. Once, this officer even stepped right onto the body of one of them who was hiding under a carpet of leaves!
It is also possible that the ruffians that have recently moved in here had something to do with this most recent vandalism.
THE SAGA OF THE NEIGHBORING HOODLUMS
There IS a garage attached to my apartment, but when I park my car in there I cannot get out again because the young hoodlums that have moved into my building recently are contemptuous of the other residents and regularly park their cars and the cars of their friends in everyone else's parking spots. When they park in front of my garage, I can neither get in nor out.
Across the car windshield of those punk thugs is a motto in large white script that says (fully spelled out) "F - - K THE POPULATION."
There is a really vulgar "song" by that name, performed by "$uicideboy$" released in 2015, and a "street wear" company that uses that moniker, but the definition from the Urban Dictionary reads:
"A term used by a person who has seen through the bulls - - t" of humans who do not think and cause harm because they are so brainless. It means that you highly dislike humans as a whole because of the way they (go) about doing things."
One day, some months ago, when I was trying to get my car back INTO the garage, and I told some woman who is not a resident that she had to move, she became wildly hostile and began to screech at me that I don't own the apartment complex, that the space doesn't belong to me (which is actually DOES) ...and on and on. She was visiting the hoodlums on the upper floor, one of whom promptly came raging at me with two teenagers in tow, and the four of them swarmed me like cockroaches on a stale piece of bread, screaming at me, making pornographic gestures, threatening to hurt me, spitting at me, with the new resident taking a lead role. She was using the foulest language imaginable and screaming, "didn't I tell you this f - - king old b - - ch was gonna be a problem?" Yep. That's me. I'm the problem.
It occurred to me that the senseless vandalism of my car could have been instigated by these neighbors of mine. On the other hand, it could have been the "caregiver" I was assigned for all of 5 hours, a week or two ago. I meant to write about it at the time, but it was such a traumatic, exhausting experience that I wasn't able until now.
THE TALE OF THE DRUG-ADDLED "CAREGIVER"
I have gone without a caregiver for many more years than I have been able to adequately care for myself, and a couple weeks ago, the agency tasked with providing someone sent me a drug addict who, in her 37 years of life had never had even one job of any kind, much less as a "caregiver." I do not know why my agency thought that she would be equipped to help me because her 6 children were recently taken away from her and I am pretty sure that if she was doing a good job taking care of them, the legal system wouldn't have seen fit to have strangers care for them instead. (Her husband died not long ago in some heroin-related incident.)
The woman was SUPPOSED to have been able to provide me with one errand a week, typically grocery shopping, but not only did she not own a car, she had not driven in 11 years! (I am guessing she lost the right to drive due to multiple infractions while impaired.)
She was unable to follow directions and kept asking me for the definitions of the simplest words. I was at a loss as to how to explain these words to her as I could not imagine more elementary words to use! Throughout the day, I kept having to remind her to put things back where she found them, but she continued to scatter my tools and possessions around the apartment.
Oddly enough, she was either color-blind (which is rare for women) or (more likely) had so much brain damage from all the drug and alcohol abuse from such a young age that she was unable to link a color with its name.
[You may wonder how I know all this personal information about this woman, but it is simply what she told me when I said to her, "so tell me about yourself." It all came pouring out. She told me she was a drug addict and an alcoholic with three months of sobriety under her belt, that she had started "getting high" when she was 10, got married when she was 13, recently lost custody of her 6 children, is living in various motels around town, has never had a job of any kind, etc.]
Despite the really problematic background and its manifestations around the house, I kept trying to lift her spirits and tell her, "you can do this! Don't worry" and that sort of thing. I wanted to encourage her, and I did feel sorry for her, but it was exhausting.
Later in the afternoon, I realized that I HAD to go to the market for 3 urgently needed items, so I took her with me and told her that I would have her stand in line for me after I'd found them. She asked me if she could do her personal shopping while I waited in the car for her, but when I told her that she could not do this during the time she was being paid to take care of me, she continued to pressure me to agree, telling me that because she had no car, this was most convenient for her. When I continued to resist the big squeeze she was giving me, she became angry and remained in that state for the rest of the day. Her eyes were blazing, lips pursed and brow furrowed. Apparently she ALSO believes I was the problem.
Before she left, she put my garage door opener IN THE TRASH instead of back in the basket of the electric mobility scooter where it lives. I suppose she was trying to get back at me for not letting her do her shopping on my time. Either that, or this was just another example of her inability to put anything back where it belonged.
Lamentably, I did not find the garage door clicker until AFTER I had already replaced it, at a cost of $42.00 - which was obviously NOT in my budget and the cost of which must be taken from my grocery money.
ALL THEFT IS AN OFFENSE AGAINST THE FREEDOM OF THE PERSON
Ever since this happened, I have been asking myself, why is it I feel so violated when someone steals from me? It isn't as if I am terribly attached to physical objects. I am FAMOUS for giving everything away and starting over in a new place.
The entire history of my life has floated to the surface of my consciousness, and I was made to look at all the instances in which someone robbed me. It was absolutely haunting me. I had to come to terms with this, once and for all because this is a recurring theme in my life and I had been the victim of many predators. If I was going to put an end to it, I had to figure it out.
As I mentally slogged through the circumstances of all the many incidents, from my mother stealing my collection of silver dollars when I was 11, to the theft of my inheritance from my father after he became demented with Alzheimer's Disease, it became glaringly obvious that the reason thievery bothers me so much is that when someone steals from another person it robs the victim of the opportunity to give it to them willingly. It hijacks our FREEDOM!
I also realized that all sorts of people will steal from others. The only thing the scroungers have in common seems to be access and opportunity. Rich people, poor people, all sorts of people will steal from you. All they need is access and opportunity.
[This is also probably one of the reasons that Donald Trump disgusts me so much. He is an opportunist who is famous for cheating people.]
Also, and this may be hard to believe, but I am always very conscious of feeling sorry for the thieves because of how they have endangered their immortal souls. They may not believe in spiritual justice, but I do, and it makes me sad when I see someone endangering their immortal destiny.
The flood of memories that have assailed me over the last two days have been nightmarish to go through, but I did reach an important conclusion.
I USED to believe (and tell others) that "everyone is basically good," but I see now, with regretful sadness, that this is not true. In fact, good people SEEM to be more rare than the bad in my life, but I think I should reframe this slightly and say that my naivete and gullibility likely attract these people to me and that someone who is more savvy and less trusting would probably have fewer of these kind of experiences than I do, leaving them with a slightly different subjective opinion. There are reasons why I have been such an easy mark, but there is no need to humiliate myself further by exposing all of that.
CLEANING UP THE MESS
Last night, I took a parcel of sanitizing wipes, a trash bag and another roll of clear packing tape to the car. I was horrified to see obvious evidence of bodily effluvia - the result of some kind of sexual activity - all over one window. I felt completely demoralized and revolted. Fortunately, I have plenty of disposable latex gloves, which I wore during the cleanup, but I wish to God I had the money to pay for a complete cleaning and sanitizing of the car. In fact, I need a DIFFERENT car - a van that I can outfit with a ramp for my mobility scooter - but of course I have no such funds for that sort of venture.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DROP INTO DISABILITY
The evil that surrounds me now has something to do with what happened when I became disabled and thereby more poor. The heightened vulnerability attracted more predators. As I struggle against my physical limitations and chronic pain, the vibrations of that struggle can be seen and felt "in the waters" of life. Predators sense it.
I also realized that, in the midst of my frustration and grappling with the difficulty of accomplishing the basic physical tasks of life, I have dropped the ball when it comes to protecting myself spiritually with prayers against evil, so I have amped up the volume on those, and I offer you some examples for yourself, in case you have likewise found yourself the target of evil.
PRAYERS AGAINST EVIL
Saint Benedict Exorcism PrayerI found a YouTube EIGHT HOUR exorcism prayer that may be helpful. If you are enduring a living Hell and also want to try it, FIND IT HERE
Prayer to Saint Michael"Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil; May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen."
I also have an entire book of prayers for Spiritual Warfare, which I am digging into today. Coincidentally, I purchased it in 2015, shortly after moving into my current apartment. You can get your own, which I bought personalized. It doesn't look like they are personalizing them any more, but you can get the book here:
One of the prayers from this book that I intend to recite regularly is:
"Hear us, oh Holy Lord, almighty Father, eternal God, and deign to send your holy angel from heaven, to guard, cherish, protect, visit and defend all who dwell in this house. Through Christ, our Lord, amen."
TODAY'S GOSPEL READING
When I am struggling to figure something out or to look for some guidance on a particular day, I will scour the official readings for that day and try to pull something from it that I can use to solve my dilemma. It isn't that I expect some sort of magic confluence, but there is often something of value I can take away that, if not actually a solution for that particular problem, might give me a fresh perspective. So, here is todays:
Matthew 10:7-15
7 And going, preach, saying: The kingdom of heaven is at hand.
8 Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out devils: freely have you received, freely give.
9 Do not possess gold, nor silver, nor money in your purses:
10 Nor scrip for your journey, nor two coats, nor shoes, nor a staff, for the workman is worthy of his meat.
11 And into whatsoever city or town you shall enter, inquire who in it is worthy, and there abide till you go thence.
12 And when you come into the house, salute it, saying: Peace be to this house.
13 And if that house be worthy, your peace shall come upon it; but if it be not worthy, your peace shall return to you.
14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words; going forth out of that house or city shake off the dust from your feet.
15 Amen I say to you, it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.
After reading today's Gospel, I have to say there are quite a few nuggets in it, but I won't hurry to analyze it here. Instead, I will sit with it until I've worked it all out.
SAINT OF THE DAY
Usually, there are few, if any, female saints to celebrate in the official church calendar of the feasts of the saints. Today there are a lot of women. Several of them belong to a group of Chinese martyrs that were beheaded during the Boxer Rebellion, and almost nothing is known of most of them. Others are barely known at all. And then there is Saint Landrada of Austrasia.
Saint Landrada of Austrasia
(died ca. 690)
Abbess/founder of Munsterbilzen Abbey (Belgium)
Munsterbilzen Abbey
[These buildings were erected in the 18th century at
the original location of Landrada's Abbey that she
founded in about 670.]
It looks like this abbey may be the oldest known Abbey of Dutch-speaking nuns. Historically, the Abbess who ruled there exercised lordship over the village of Munsterbilzen and four others until 1773 when forced to accede to the Prince-Bishop of Liege. It always annoys me when I learn of the men pushing out the women and asserting ownership and/or control in place of the nuns. On the other hand, I also suspect that women sometimes give it up too easily. We are afraid of being told we are not "nice" and we cave under pressure to be pliable instead of strong.
Landrada must have been a remarkable woman to have exerted such leadership during the 7th Century, don't you think? My little problems seem miniscule to what she must have had to endure. The Abbess had been a "Princess of the Holy Roman Empire" in addition to leading the nuns in their spiritual life.
I will be reading more about Landrada later in the day - and I encourage you to Google her also!
A SAD BIT OF BUSINESS
I am perpetually low on funds. That's no secret. But now that the car has been defiled and other needs have piled up, I have to start another GOFUNDME to pay for these things. Prior to becoming disabled, I never asked anyone for anything - even when my father was alive. He was very wealthy, but I never asked him for a dime. Now I am asking everyone for everything. It could be discouraging, except that I cling to my relationship with God and I trust in His love and plan for me.
The art work and the writing of the novel continue - but until something big is finished and brings in some funding, I rely upon the generosity of kind people.
If you are reading this and you got anything out of it, would you please consider a donation? Click the yellow "Donate" button below my photo (above, right.) I will add the GOFUNDME link when I have put it together. I JUST finished a campaign to replace my computer, which was successful, and it hurts my heart to have to do this again, but I have no choice and I can't afford to be proud.
If you are reading this and you got anything out of it, would you please consider a donation? Click the yellow "Donate" button below my photo (above, right.) I will add the GOFUNDME link when I have put it together. I JUST finished a campaign to replace my computer, which was successful, and it hurts my heart to have to do this again, but I have no choice and I can't afford to be proud.
God bless us all.
Silver Rose
No comments:
Post a Comment