SAINT OLAF OF SWEDEN

 

Coin minted for

King Olaf of Sweden

c. 980-1022

FEAST DAY: JULY 30

My 32nd Great Grandfather

I am fascinated by my Swedish ancestors, such as today's saint, King Olaf Scotkonung, my 32nd great grandfather and the first Swedish ruler known to have ruled both the Swedes and the Geats (a northern Germanic tribe that are progenitors of the Swedes.)

King Olaf stands at the point in history where the Viking Age gives way to the Middle Ages, as the first Christian king of the Swedes. His line is where I get my 4% Swedish DNA, and, as one of the smaller percentages in my DNA profile, I know proportionately less about this ancestral line and culture than the others that are mostly based in the U.K. 

Researching today's Saint of the day gives me an opportunity to learn a bit about this grandfather and his cultural milieu.  Many Americans, if they are able to trace their ancestry professionally, may find that they are also descended from this great king. 

Sweyn Forkbeard, my 5th cousin, 32 times removed, was his step father. His biological father was King Eric the Victorious and his mother was said to be Sigrid the Haughty, though there is some dispute about that. Encyclopedia Britannica claims that his mother was a sister of Boleslaw, the Christian king of Poland (also a sort of shirt tail relation to me.) 

A fair amount is known about Saint Olaf, which can't be said about previous kings, so we are lucky in that regard. I can't do his memory justice in my little online diary blog, and I recommend researching him online, if he interests you.  (When researching, it is important to keep in mind that there ARE some sources online that have compounded THIS Olaf with another who ruled Norway, so care should be taken. There are also warring factions among the scholars, so it may take some unraveling. For our purposes, I am mostly interested in his religious life and how he became a saint.)

When Saint Olaf converted to Christianity, he was the last Scandinavian king to do so, though the old Norse beliefs persisted well until the 12th Century in some areas, and his people resisted any effort to force Christianity on them. The coin that was minted when he ascended to the throne seems to indicate that he was already a baptized Christian when he became King, but it should be noted that there are some conflicting stories about the circumstances and timing of his baptism.

TEMPLE AT UPPSALA

Olaf did try to have the pagan Uppsala Temple torn down, but there were so many citizens still very much practitioners of the old ways that he was not successful in doing so. 

"Catholic Online" website claims that King Olaf was "martyred at Stockholm by rebels because he refused to sacrifice to pagan idols," but this tale is specifically refuted in a Wikipedia page that claims the story is spurious. Certainly Saint Olaf did what he could to try to convert his country after becoming king.

Because I come from a very small family that was anti-religious, and I am therefore a convert to Catholicism, I am keenly interested in my ancestors in Heaven.  It is my understanding that we can just as easily ask our ancestors in Heaven to pray for us as we can our friends and loved ones here on Earth because people don't actually die. Our bodies disintegrate and return to the earth, and our spirits live on. It makes me tremendously happy to think that I can pray to my ancestors in Heaven so that they will intercede for me at the foot of the throne of God.

The story of my grandfather Olaf reminds me again of the topic of DESTINY also.  Are you born into a family of kings and queens, your destiny laid out before you? At the very least, the opportunities and resources are present for someone like Olaf. He was born to be king.

Sometimes I wonder what I was born to do, but none of us need to consider it, really. Each person is born with tendencies and talents, and it is from these, combined with our resources and opportunities, that we determine our earthly fate - but it does not determine our FAITH. Once again, it is the inner life where we have perfect freedom. We may be shackled by circumstances, as far as what we will DO with our lives, but our FAITH is a free choice, thanks be to God.

Silver Rose

Copyright (c) 2021
All rights reserved. May not be used for any purpose without
written permission from the author.

SAINT ALPHONSA - JULY 28

 

Saint Alphonsa

19 August 1910 - 28 July 1946

Whenever I have a problem lately, I tend to turn to a favorite saint, or I will look on the calendar to see if there is a saint whose feast day is on that day who might have something to "say" to me in the way of inspiration. 

It is remarkable that the issue I'm wrestling with at the moment has to do with my health and my struggle to get decent medical care since my long-time doctor retired a few years ago.

Today I am focusing on Saint Alphonsa, the patron saint of those suffering from illness! Like me, as soon as she appeared to recover from one thing, she became sick with something else. She died when she was only in her 30's and miracles have been accredited to her intercession.

Reading about the saints puts everything in perspective on most days. Saint Alphonsa's suffering was great and she died when she was half my age, yet throughout all of it, she remained serene and focused on what really matters. She was focused on The Lord.

Alphonsa was born in India, and her mother died when she was only 3 years old, so she was raised by her grandparents. Her story touches on themes from my life. My mother did not die, but she was not a mother to me, and the only family relation that was kind to me was my grandmother, who lived in another city. Although my grandmother was a wonderful lady, she believed only in "the Golden Rule" and avoided religion. I was functionally alone, and I had no guidance.

On the other hand, little Annakkutty (her birth name) was bathed in the loving refinement of her grandmother's faith and devotion to God. How you start out in life has a huge impact on how you end up.

From the moment of her birth, Alphonsa's life was marked by the cross, but in a letter to her spiritual adviser, she once said, "Already from the age of seven, I was no longer mine. I was totally dedicated to my divine spouse." When I read this, it gave me pause, because when I was seven, I had no access to religious life. My parents had been divorced for two years and they both hated religion. I was attracted to it. Some relative had given me a book of Christian prayers for Christmas (probably my aunt), but I had no idea what any of it meant.

Saint Alphonsa was leading family prayers by the time she was five. Her grandmother was a devout and pious woman who transmitted the faith to the little girl. This is where  Saint Alphonsa's life story differs from mine considerably. I was just learning about Christianity and reading about the Catholic mystics when I was a few years older than the age Alphonsa was when she died at age 35! I was living in a Hindu convent when I was 35 and had never had any experience with Christianity.  It is ironic that I was in a Hindu convent at that time because Alphonsa was born and raised in a predominantly Hindu country, but became a Christian monastic.

Saint Alphonsa's funeral

She joined the Franciscan Clarists in 1935. She had wanted to enter earlier, but was put off because of her ill health. Again, she stayed focused. She endured her privations calmly.  

Last night, I spent some time contemplating the calmness and grace with which this saint met her sufferings and resolved to deal with my impending conflict in a similar manner.

This morning, before going to a doctor appointment in which I had to discuss certain issues having to do with my disappointment with my care, I reflected on Saint Alphonsa and resolved to deal with it in a way that was non-blaming and which encouraged a spirit of co-operation. Rather than find fault with the doctor who had made errors, I managed to offer a solution to the issues that focused on a change in their procedures and computer programs which would help many patients - not just me!

The doctor and I had a really construction discussion in which I discovered that I had perceived an issue that had ALSO bothered her! I brought with me a form I had created and shared with her as a sample of the solution I envisioned, and she later called in the head of the nursing department to take a look at my form and to talk with me. He ALSO agreed with all my observations about the downside of the current computer system and the way that it presented the patient's health information to the doctor. The information was incomplete and had caused some problems with administering my care.  

Furthermore, the doctor is not able to add any notes that help define the medical issues or extra information added by the patient. Erroneous information can't be erased or altered in any way! The computer output is written to communicate to the bean counters in the billing department but is terribly flawed at the point of medical service to the patient. I was giving them the patient perspective on something the doctors had already found interfered with their work.

I really think Saint Alphonsa helped me in handling this situation with diplomacy and constructive suggestion. Mostly, it was her example that gave me the courage to bring up this topic with my doctor. I'd had some anxiety about it, as others in that medical setting had already given me some pushback about it. They were dismissive of my interest in helping in this way, and did not want to participate, even though the patients would benefit. But Saint Alphonsa gave me the strength to continue on and discuss this with my doctor, despite the eye-rolling of others in her field. One of the women told me that this hospital organization was "huge" and I couldn't hope to make any changes. It was frustrating to be treated with disdain, certainly, but I didn't let it deter me. I cheerfully carried on.

Sometimes we can become distracted by our suffering and frustrations. At least, I know that I sometimes do. When faced with having to have a potentially fractious exchange with another person whose help we need,  the analytical part of the brain can be bypassed in favor of the emotional reaction. But we can keep this from happening with contemplation on the Divine. Of course, we all KNOW this, but most of us need reminding, as well as some tools to manage it. Contemplation is the Divine Tool!

Thanks to the inspiration of Saint Alphonsa, I walked out of my doctor appointment today feeling a great deal of satisfaction. I got my personal needs met while advocating for all the other patients at the same time and not irritating the doctor in the process, staying calm and centered all along.

May Saint Alphonsa inspire you and intercede for you at the feet of the Lord, and may you all be blessed.

Silver Rose

Copyright (c) 2021
All rights reserved.

SAINT KINGA OF POLAND

Saint Kinga of Poland

1224-1292

Feast day: July 24

This weekend, I appeal to yet another sainted relative of mine. My 7th cousin, 25 times removed, is Saint Cunegunde, also called Zinga, Kioga, or, more popularly, Saint Kinga of Poland. I will repeat what I often tell people, and that is that there are thousands of people who are related to this saint, both in this country and in Europe, and we know this because history keeps track of these descendants who all seem to be married to one another. In fact, there is so much intermarriage of the nobility of Europe that I am a cousin to myself at least 100 times over!

Since I come from a VERY small natal family, none of whom are religious, it pleases me that I have, at least, a few sainted ancestors and distant relations to whom I can appeal for intercessory prayer. One of the special benefits of the Catholic faith is the surety that life on earth is not all we have. There is the hope of Heaven for us all. The saints in Heaven are fully able to pray for us from where they are, and so I ask them to pray for me and for others, just as I ask for my friends on earth to do the same.

The day before her feast day, Friday, I had an appointment at the eye retina specialist. I was feeling like my sight had improved somewhat, and halfway through my hours-long appointment with them, I had them refract my vision for a new eyeglass prescription to replace the sunglasses that were recently stolen, and the technician told me that my right eye had returned to 20/20 vision when it had been 20/40 for the longest time. The left eye has lost the center vision, but even so, I still had SOME vision with it, so while I was waiting for the rest of the tests that would take a picture of what was happening at the back of the eye in the retina, I felt buoyed up with hope. After all, tests taken during the LAST appointment, some 6 weeks previous, had shown that the retina of the right eye had stopped its progression of the disease.

Unfortunately, this Friday I was told that the retina in the right eye had begun to worsen again and that I would probably need to begin a series of injections in my eye balls. The injections don't stop the disease. They only have the potential to slow it. And you have to keep getting these shots every 3 to 6 weeks.

I am calling in all my sainted relatives, including Saint Kinga, as well as OTHER saints in Heaven, to PLEASE stop this progression of the eye disease that is slowly robbing me of my vision.

Saint Kinga of Poland, Patroness of Poland and Lithuania, was born 5 March 1224 In Esztergom, Hungary.  princess daughter of King Bela IV of Hungary.  She was a niece of Saint Elizabeth of Hungary and the great niece of Saint Hedwig.  An illustrious and pious family, her sisters were Saint Margaret of Hungary and Blessed Jolenta of Poland.

Saint Elizabeth of Hungary, washing a poor sick man

Aunt of Saint Kinga

Saint Kinga's name appears in various forms and spellings, including: Kunegunda, Cunegunda, Kioga, and Zinga.

Statue of Saint Kinga

Both Kinga and her husband, Boleslaw V "the Chaste" embarked upon a marriage in which both parties were vowed to perpetual chastity.  Boleslaw's family was similarly pious and sincere.  His sister was blessed Salome of Cracow.  When he ascended to the throne as Prince of Cracow, Kinga became his princess.  Kinga soon began to devote herself to the care of the poor and the lepers and was known, both for her deep concern for the people, and her obedience and devotion to Christ and His Church.

 

Boleslaw "the Chaste"

June 21, 1226 - December 1279

High Duke of Poland 1243-1279

Husband of Saint Kinga

There is a popular legend about this beloved saint in which she is said to have thrown her engagement ring into the Maramures salt mine in Hungary and that the ring miraculously traveled through the mine, following the trail of salt deposits, and was discovered at Wieliczka, where additional salt deposits were revealed, and where a salt mine now stands.

Saint Kinga

Kinga is patron saint of the salt miners, and the salt mine of Wieliczka in Poland has a large chapel dedicated to her that is 101 meters under ground.  It is a remarkably beautiful Cathedral that is able to accommodate about 400 people.

When her husband died in 1279, Kinga sold all her possessions and gave the money to the poor.  Not long after that, she joined the Poor Clares monastery at Sandec (Stary Sacz).  Matters of state, and the prestige of her royal position, held no interest for her.  She was too modest and humble to have any taste for such power. Her heart belonged to Christ alone.  In fact, she would allow no one to call her by her official title of Grand Duchess of Poland.

Hers is a beautiful comment on the reality of the emptiness of fame, wealth, status and prestige. None of it comes close to the experience of the Lord in our hearts. Touched by the grandest force of all, humility would naturally occur, don't you think? It is from her humility that I surmise that she had a profound mystical experience of the Lord at some point.

Saint Kinga, abandoning her crown and scepter

for the veil of a nun

While her life with the prince had been characterized by charitable works and service, her time in the monastery was spent in silent contemplation.  In 1292, at the age of 68, she passed from this world. In 1690, she was beatified, and in 1999 she was sainted.

Saint Kinga's convent, the Monastery of the Poor Clares, in Stary Sacz, Poland, remains a much-beloved landmark in the oldest section of this historic little town.

Stary Sacz, Poland

The Sanctuary of Saint Kinga still towers over the town of Stary Sacz.  In the entire history of the town, the nuns have left that convent only 3 times.

Poor Clare Monastery in Stary Sacz,

Where Saint Kinga lived out the remainder of her life

On June 16, 1999, Pope John Paul II visited Stary Sacz, the town of his birth, for the proclamation of the canonization of beloved Saint Kinga.  A papal altar was erected on the common outside of the monastery that Kinga and created and in which she had died.

Papal altar, erected for John Paul II and the

canonization of Saint Kinga

It was decided that the "Papal Altar" would remain as a visible remembrance of this special event. 700,000 people came to see the Pope on that day and to hear him speak, but he was too ill to read his own homily, which Cardinal Macharski of Poland read for him.  The event had great personal significance for the Pope and, as time went on, he appeared refreshed by the memories and the loving people and was able to reminisce a bit.

Hungary's Gate - a gift in honor of the visit of

Pope John Paul II and the canonization of

Saint Kinga

Saint Kinga had every sought-after pleasure that exists in the world - money, prestige, power, glamour, luxurious possessions and properties - yet for her, Christ was the only jewel in her crown. We can learn a lot from her example, particularly Americans, who have at their disposal an excellent standard of living and the availability of many types of pleasures.  Serving the poor and suffering while at the same time eschewing earthly pleasure in favor of the bliss of the Lord, Kinga became a saint.

I have a feeling that if SHE were faced with growing blindness, she would find some way to accept it with more grace than I currently feel, so, in addition to praying for her intercession for my vision, I also pray that, if it is not within the will of God to cure my vision, perhaps the Lord can gift me with a way to develop the grace to accept blindness, which I currently lack.

Waiting for an answer, I beg you all for your prayers also: a cure or the gift of graceful acceptance.

Silver Rose

(Copyrighted 2015 and 2021. All rights reserved.)

RELATED LINKS:

WIELICZKA SALT MINE - Photos

Catholic Saints Info web site

Saint Kinga Facebook page

Wikipedia page on Saint Kinga

Stary Sącz, Poland - Wikipedia information

Poland's Official Website for Stary Sacz

Stary Sacz, Poland - historical information and photos

Information on the Papal Altar of Stary Sacz in Poland

Pope Visits his Birthplace and Memories Energize Him - NY Times

Pope, Still Ailing, Pays a Sentimental Visit - L.A. Times

Saint Jadwiga ("Hedwig") of Poland - July 17

 

QUEEN JADWIGA OF POLAND

ORIGINALLY CROWNED AS "KING"

1373 - 1382

The more I study the lives of the saints, it becomes more firmly established in my understanding that most of us have a destiny and a hedge of limitations that are set in place by what you could call "the accident of birth," in other words, if we were not born to the parents we were born to, our lives would most probably have resulted in something quite different.

After all, our parents get together and participate in the act of creation, each providing some aspect of the physical reality of a third person, and then this person comes into the world, a combination of both parents and, typically, lives in an atmosphere exuded by those parents, in some fashion or another.

Traditionally, people have become kings and queens due to this inherited destiny, and Saint Jadwiga of Poland is no different. My point is that destiny isn't restricted to the nobility alone. We are physically part of our family of origin, created from the DNA of those people.

As is sometimes the case, Jadwiga is another one of my "shirt tail relations." This one is comically complicated. She is RELATED TO Saint Hedwig of Silesia, and was named for her. Saint Hedwig of Silesia is the sister-in-law of my 2nd cousin, 24 times removed (Phillipe August II of France.) If you can keep that in your mind, you're a better man than I, Gunga Din.

Jadwiga was crowned "King," partially as a move to prohibit her husband from purloining the title from her. She had more Polish blood than most of the other available nobles - and the blood line was always what was important with the royals. It still is, I imagine.

The royals who become saints always interest me because they have all this massive power and money at their disposal, and yet they devote themselves fervently to a pursuit of a Godly life in the form of holy works, prayers, and that sort of thing. But I ALWAYS remind myself that these people of position and power are entirely free of any and all physical work having to do with the maintenance of their person. They do not wash a dish or cook or clean. What else would they do but take endless meetings, and pray? Some of these people never even DRESSED themselves or wiped their own butts! Servants did it all.

The machinations and negotiations of the matter of Jadwiga's husband would bore you to tears, so I won't give all the details. Suffice it to say that it seems to me that every one of these stories has the poor girl being pushed around and told what to do by countless men, and it's no wonder that many of these saintly maids turn and flee to a convent, as soon as the husband is dispatched to his death. (Jadwiga, however, is not one of these. She actually preceded her husband in death.)

In Jadwiga's case, she even had one prospective father-in-law demanding to set the time of consummation of the marriage, which is a little too close for my comfort, I can tell you that, but I am sure you have heard or read that in some royal instances, there are people either witnessing that event or sneaking in afterward to examine the bed linens to ensure that the woman was virgin. To have so many people intruding on one's intimate life would be much too communal for me, no matter how glamorous the life.

In this case, however, the very young Jadwiga was not able to marry the beau she had chosen (William of the previously mentioned demanding prospective father-in-law) as he had been rousted from bed and thrown from the castle. There are tales that she tried to follow him but the doors were locked against her leaving and, though she demanded an axe to break it down, she was not able to leave the castle. It is probably just as well, because she was barely 12 years old, or perhaps only 11.

It wasn't long before prelates and lords determined she would marry Jogaila, the Grand Duke of Lithuania, with whom they had conducted long negotiations. There are conflicting stories about Jadwiga's agreement to marry him. One pretty tale claims that after a long period of prayer it was revealed to her by God that Jogaila was to be her husband. I rather think that this was an invention to take the stink off a marriage of a 12 year-old child to a 35 year-old man. Can you imagine?

Jogaila had to promise to convert to Catholicism and to pay off the suitor that Jadwiga actually loved, young William of Habsburg, with 200,000 florins.

Jadwiga was considered to have been an excellent ruler, on the level of Boleslaw the Brave and Casimir the Great.

With regard to her holiness, she is part of a zealously religious family, she attended mass every day, and she was particularly devoted to the Blessed Virgin Mary. There are allusions to many miracles attributed to her, and she is considered a medieval mystic (my kinda gal!) In 1997, Pope John Paul II prayed at her sarcophagus, she was beatified in August of 1986, and canonized a saint of the Catholic Church in June of 1997.

Everything about her lengthy story (which is nicely written out on Wikipedia, if you have interest) confirms my original premise that our destiny is in at least a major part, determined by our family situation. We come into the world prepared for it, and the situation into which we are born guides us, to a greater or lesser degree.

There is something to be said for having been born into an extremely religious family, for one thing. The Catholic Church, with its emphasis on family and on early Christian education, is wise to the importance of this. Early religious education informs you of the world of the spirit and provides a backdrop for your early life, as well as a foundation for future spiritual exploration. Of course, the hope is naturally that the children will continue on in the faith when they become adults, but it isn't mandatory. When it comes time to choose, one knows better what one is choosing if education in the faith has happened early. You've got to start somewhere, right?

In my case, I left home at 16, jumped into Scientology at 17,  then went on to two different styles of Buddhism, Hinduism (Vedanta), and mystical Catholicism. Without ANY religious training or education while young, my life as a young adult was a living study - a classroom of experience,

It is not possible for someone like me, for instance, to become a saint. The word "Saint," in the context of the Catholic worldview, is a formal designation. There's an entire code around it and is somewhat formulaic, if I may use that word. My life course was not set up in that fashion. My family was not "zealously religious," and was barely a family to begin with! A couple of wildly narcissistic people got together and got pregnant, had a short marriage and then moved on with their lives, separately.  Mistakes were made and abuse happened against us children. 

For my sibling and I, our parents are dead and will never make amends or help to heal OUR wounds. We must do that ourselves, with the help of others. Thanks be to God, I have a family of friends helping me, doing what they can to fill in the blanks. But can I become a saint? No. Not in the formal sense. Most of us couldn't possibly. We don't have the bona fides. I suppose if I started churning out miracles, The Church would have to do something about that, but it isn't likely to happen. I can barely get myself fed and clothed! Saint Jagwida came into this world somewhat set up for the position, it seems to me.

Can we ordinary people without pedigrees become "saintly?" I am sure of it. Of course we can. But it would always be a personal project. No one is going to help you with it.  If you don't come from the right family and if your background isn't within a narrow parameter, you won't even be considered suitable for a convent. If you've been divorced, for instance, forget it.

When I left the Hindu convent to get baptized and become Catholic, I had no idea that this was the state of affairs. I think I assumed that I would be baptized, my sins would be washed away in the eyes of The Church, and then I would happily join a Catholic Convent and become a happy little mystic there. But I was tragically naïve and uninformed.

And if you think it is any different as an independent religious, you'd be wrong about that. Despite the religious vocation of a hermit being part of the canon of the church, just try to get some  spiritual support for it and see what happens. If you don't have money, if you aren't a cradle Catholic, just see if you get any help.

The saints are very inspiring people, no doubt - but they have resources that many of us will never have - and there comes a time when the physical demands of one's life stand in the way of living a visibly monastic life. It is almost all I can do just to SURVIVE. I do spend a great deal of time in a perpetual walking prayer, like Brother Lawrence, but it doesn't look like the monastic life I envisioned. DESTINY. It's not with me, and I can't force it. Despite living as a monastic for 20 years, there is no spiritual, emotion or physical help coming from The Church.

I will be 67 in August. I am bowled over by it. There was a time when I was sure I might not reach adulthood. Yet, here I am - hoping to live another 60. But I am taking time now, in the midst of Covid which has caused an even more isolated life than is typical for me, to reflect on my life so far and to readjust my aspirations for the remainder.

I come from a family of artists and writers. The only skills I have that I can continue to do, physically speaking, are the artistic ones - writing, painting, jewelry making. No one ever told me I was too fat to be a writer. No one has ever said that I wasn't physically strong enough to paint or that they would not accept my jewelry for sale in their store because I had been divorced.  You see? Destiny. Nothing in my background is a bar to marketing my creative works. But it ALL works against me when I am trying to get spiritual support for the monastic vocation I've spent more than two decades living. 

 Meanwhile, my health and finances are terrible and I am slowly falling down the rabbit hole. I had counted on the inheritance my father had promised me my whole life, but he died under highly suspicious circumstances and I had been written out of his will AFTER he got dementia.  So, someone else is spending my inheritance while I struggle to survive.

It occurs to me that there are few advantages to being poor, but at least no one will kill me for my money! (In case you are wondering, I didn't even know my father had died until his body was cremated, so there was nothing I could do to have his death investigated.  I am confident, however, that the people who  killed him and stole my inheritance will have to answer for it in the eternity we all face at the end of our lives. They better enjoy the money now because there will be Hell to pay later! God will take care of them. It is not my business now.)

Anyway, all of this has left me stranded and I need to change some things. I don't receive enough income to support myself, so I can no longer afford to live a monastic lifestyle. I can't ask other people to feed me and house me. That means that I need to spend my energy doing things that will help me survive. I have previously sold my writing and my art, so I am going back to it. God will have to follow ME around for the next couple decades, for a change.

For the present time, I still need help with basic survival and with health issues. One friend has asked me to create another donation list on Amazon, and another has suggested I create a Go Fund Me campaign and she will let some people know.

The Amazon Wish List is made, and you will find it HERE.

There are many expenses connected with purchasing of supplies for the art and the writing. If you would like to donate to those things, please press the "DONATE" button above my picture at the top of this diary post. {If you have any questions about the types of things I need in this regard, feel free to contact me on FACEBOOK < (CLICK "FACEBOOK") OR leave a comment on this blog.

If you would like some personal recommendations, I am happy to provide those. Just contact me.

When the GOFUNDME campaign is made, I will edit this blog and provide a link.

I will also try my best to keep you in the loop and let you know how I am progressing. When one is in constant chronic pain and mobility is affected, it is very difficult to make changes in an exercise routine and to be able to stand long enough to prepare healthy meals. (It is so much less painful to just get in the car and go to a drive-through, isn't it?) I have been approved for a caregiver to come in and help me with the housekeeping and cooking, and once that happens, it will be easier, so perhaps you will all do me the favor of praying for a caregiver to be sent my way!

God bless us all.

Silver Rose

MEDITATION ON THEFT - SAINT LANDRADA OF AUSTRASIA - JULY 8

 

"Saint Landrada - Teaching the Widows and the Young"

SAINT LANDRADA OF AUSTRASIA

(d. Munsterbilzen, abt. 690 a.d.)

Feast Day: July 8

I dearly wish I could say that dedicating my life to the spiritual path would have automatically smoothed my path, that angels would go before me, paving the way for a steady and serene life. The truth is that one leads a spiritual life in spite of the dramas of daily life. Ridding oneself of unnecessary physical aspirations does help, but physical disabilities have interfered terribly - plus they make me far less "useful" in a parish or a convent. Like the hermits of the very early church, I am on my own, with only God to help and guide me on a daily basis.

Part of the difficulty, in addition to the limitations of mobility and chronic pain, is that I live among other human beings, in close quarters, in an apartment where many low-income people live, and we are surrounded by a sizeable contingent of drug addicts and homeless people. In fact, according to a police officer I spoke with, there are more than 200 people camping alongside the bosque that lines the Rio Grande River which flows past my apartment.

I've lived in this location, devoting my life to prayer and contemplation, for 16 years now, and, over those years, the local crime has gotten worse and worse. Theft of personal items in our gardens, on our patios and in our cars has become a huge problem.

THE LATEST IN A LONG STRING OF THEFTS

Today I have finished processing the latest theft. On Monday, the local vulgarians broke into my pitiful 27 year-old car for the 5th time. It is quite easy to do now, since I am missing the small window in the back passenger door and it is only covered with clear packing tape. The first time they broke into my car, they smashed that little window, and since thievery is rampant and regular at this apartment complex, I did not feel it was worth the great expense of finding one for this old vehicle and installing it, only to have it broken again next time some drug-addled petty plunderer decided to cause me great expense for the sake of the possibility of finding less than a dollars worth of change rolling around the interior.

Customarily, when the hooligans don't find some easy change in the ashtray, they leave the rest of the contents alone. It might be that they are looking for partially smoked cigarettes. I do not smoke, but they don't know that. Cigarettes are expensive, and the homeless will pick up half-smoked butts and put them to their lips, regardless of whatever germs and viruses might cover them.

This time, however, they took EVERYTHING from the interior, from the small trash bag I leave on the floor of the front passenger seat, to the sunscreen, the dog's leashes and car seat and, most regrettably, my PRESCRIPTION SUNGLASSES (which are going to be extremely time consuming and costly to replace, since I need a new prescription and was not able to get an appointment with my eye doctor until NOVEMBER. I realize this may seem improbable to anyone who is NOT on the poverty spectrum, but the fact is that the only affordable doctors for someone in my position are, understandably, jammed with clients in a town like Albuquerque where such a high percentage of the population is poor. Because of my numerous serious eye diseases, it is also not feasible to go to just anyone for my care - even when it comes to my prescription needs.)

While sunglasses are marketed as a sexy accessory, my need for them is medical and crucial. I've already lost the vision in one eye, and when the other eye "goes" I will obviously not be ABLE to drive at all - at which point, survival becomes even more crushingly difficult than it is at present, so losing my sunglasses is somewhat of a disaster.

When I asked the police clerk who took my report WHY they would take such non-salable items, she informed me they usually just throw them away and she doesn't know why. Unfortunately, although I DID check our dumpster immediately after discovering the vandalism, it was entirely empty. The garbage truck had already been to our property and took everything away.

I surmise that the thieves' method is to quickly sweep everything from the car and then go through it at their leisure in another location, hoping for something they can use, sell or smoke. Some years ago, police officers told me that there are more than 200 people living in the Bosque - camped out there - just yards from this complex. It is illegal, but they are skilled at evading the police. Once, this officer even stepped right onto the body of one of them who was hiding under a carpet of leaves!

It is also possible that the ruffians that have recently moved in here had something to do with this most recent vandalism.

THE SAGA OF THE NEIGHBORING HOODLUMS

There IS a garage attached to my apartment, but when I park my car in there I cannot get out again because the young hoodlums that have moved into my building recently are contemptuous of the other residents and regularly park their cars and the cars of their friends in everyone else's parking spots.  When they park in front of my garage, I can neither get in nor out.

Across the car windshield of those punk thugs is a motto in large white script that says (fully spelled out) "F - - K THE POPULATION."

There is a really vulgar "song" by that name, performed by "$uicideboy$" released in 2015, and a "street wear" company that uses that moniker, but the definition from the Urban Dictionary reads:

"A term used by a person who has seen through the bulls - - t" of humans who do not think and cause harm because they are so brainless. It means that you highly dislike humans as a whole because of the way they (go) about doing things."

One day, some months ago, when I was trying to get my car back INTO the garage, and I told some woman who is not a resident that she had to move, she became wildly hostile and began to screech at me that I don't own the apartment complex, that the space doesn't belong to me (which is actually DOES) ...and on and on. She was visiting the hoodlums on the upper floor, one of whom promptly came raging at me with two teenagers in tow, and the four of them swarmed me like cockroaches on a stale piece of bread, screaming at me, making pornographic gestures, threatening to hurt me, spitting at me, with the new resident taking a lead role. She was using the foulest language imaginable and screaming, "didn't I tell you this f - - king old b - - ch was gonna be a problem?" Yep. That's me. I'm the problem.

It occurred to me that the senseless vandalism of my car could have been instigated by these neighbors of mine. On the other hand, it could have been the "caregiver" I was assigned for all of 5 hours, a week or two ago. I meant to write about it at the time, but it was such a traumatic, exhausting experience that I wasn't able until now.

THE TALE OF THE DRUG-ADDLED "CAREGIVER"

I have gone without a caregiver for many more years than I have been able to adequately care for myself, and a couple weeks ago, the agency tasked with providing someone sent me a drug addict who, in her 37 years of life had never had even one job of any kind, much less as a "caregiver." I do not know why my agency thought that she would be equipped to help me because her 6 children were recently taken away from her and I am pretty sure that if she was doing a good job taking care of them, the legal system wouldn't have seen fit to have strangers care for them instead. (Her husband died not long ago in some heroin-related incident.) 

The woman was SUPPOSED to have been able to provide me with one errand a week, typically grocery shopping, but not only did she not own a car, she had not driven in 11 years! (I am guessing she lost the right to drive due to multiple infractions while impaired.) 

She was unable to follow directions and kept asking me for the definitions of the simplest words. I was at a loss as to how to explain these words to her as I could not imagine more elementary words to use! Throughout the day, I kept having to remind her to put things back where she found them, but she continued to scatter my tools and possessions around the apartment.

Oddly enough, she was either color-blind (which is rare for women) or (more likely) had so much brain damage from all the drug and alcohol abuse from such a young age that she was unable to link a color with its name.

[You may wonder how I know all this personal information about this woman, but it is simply what she told me when I said to her, "so tell me about yourself." It all came pouring out. She told me she was a drug addict and an alcoholic with three months of sobriety under her belt, that she had started "getting high" when she was 10, got married when she was 13, recently lost custody of her 6 children, is living in various motels around town, has never had a job of any kind, etc.]

Despite the really problematic background and its manifestations around the house, I kept trying to lift her spirits and tell her, "you can do this! Don't worry" and that sort of thing. I wanted to encourage her, and I did feel sorry for her, but it was exhausting.

Later in the afternoon, I realized that I HAD to go to the market for 3 urgently needed items, so I took her with me and told her that I would have her stand in line for me after I'd found them. She asked me if she could do her personal shopping while I waited in the car for her, but when I told her that she could not do this during the time she was being paid to take care of me, she continued to pressure me to agree, telling me that because she had no car, this was most convenient for her. When I continued to resist the big squeeze she was giving me, she became angry and remained in that state for the rest of the day. Her eyes were blazing, lips pursed and brow furrowed. Apparently she ALSO believes I was the problem.

Before she left, she put my garage door opener IN THE TRASH instead of back in the basket of the electric mobility scooter where it lives. I suppose she was trying to get back at me for not letting her do her shopping on my time. Either that, or this was just another example of her inability to put anything back where it belonged.

Lamentably, I did not find the garage door clicker until AFTER I had already replaced it, at a cost of $42.00 - which was obviously NOT in my budget and the cost of which must be taken from my grocery money.

ALL THEFT IS AN OFFENSE AGAINST THE FREEDOM OF THE PERSON

Ever since this happened, I have been asking myself, why is it I feel so violated when someone steals from me? It isn't as if I am terribly attached to physical objects. I am FAMOUS for giving everything away and starting over in a new place.

The entire history of my life has floated to the surface of my consciousness, and I was made to look at all the instances in which someone robbed me. It was absolutely haunting me. I had to come to terms with this, once and for all because this is a recurring theme in my life and I had been the victim of many predators. If I was going to put an end to it, I had to figure it out.

As I mentally slogged through the circumstances of all the many incidents, from my mother stealing my collection of silver dollars when I was 11, to the theft of my inheritance from my father after he became demented with Alzheimer's Disease, it became glaringly obvious that the reason thievery bothers me so much is that when someone steals from another person it robs the victim of the opportunity to give it to them willingly. It hijacks our FREEDOM!

I also realized that all sorts of people will steal from others. The only thing the scroungers have in common seems to be access and opportunity. Rich people, poor people, all sorts of people will steal from you. All they need is access and opportunity.

[This is also probably one of the reasons that Donald Trump disgusts me so much. He is an opportunist who is famous for cheating people.]

Also, and this may be hard to believe, but I am always very conscious of feeling sorry for the thieves because of how they have endangered their immortal souls. They may not believe in spiritual justice, but I do, and it makes me sad when I see someone endangering their immortal destiny.

The flood of memories that have assailed me over the last two days have been nightmarish to go through, but I did reach an important conclusion.

I USED to believe (and tell others) that "everyone is basically good," but I see now, with regretful sadness, that this is not true.  In fact, good people SEEM to be more rare than the bad in my life, but I think I should reframe this slightly and say that my naivete and gullibility likely attract these people to me and that someone who is more savvy and less trusting would probably have fewer of these kind of experiences than I do, leaving them with a slightly different subjective opinion. There are reasons why I have been such an easy mark, but there is no need to humiliate myself further by exposing all of that.

CLEANING UP THE MESS

Last night, I took a parcel of sanitizing wipes, a trash bag and another roll of clear packing tape to the car. I was horrified to see obvious evidence of bodily effluvia - the result of some kind of sexual activity - all over one window. I felt completely demoralized and revolted. Fortunately, I have plenty of disposable latex gloves, which I wore during the cleanup, but I wish to God I had the money to pay for a complete cleaning and sanitizing of the car.  In fact, I need a DIFFERENT car - a van that I can outfit with a ramp for my mobility scooter - but of course I have no such funds for that sort of venture.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DROP INTO DISABILITY

The evil that surrounds me now has something to do with what happened when I became disabled and thereby more poor. The heightened vulnerability attracted more predators. As I struggle against my physical limitations and chronic pain, the vibrations of that struggle can be seen and felt "in the waters" of life. Predators sense it.

I also realized that, in the midst of my frustration and grappling with the difficulty of accomplishing the basic physical tasks of life, I have dropped the ball when it comes to protecting myself spiritually with prayers against evil, so I have amped up the volume on those, and I offer you some examples for yourself, in case you have likewise found yourself the target of evil.

PRAYERS AGAINST EVIL

Saint Benedict Exorcism Prayer

I found a YouTube EIGHT HOUR exorcism prayer that may be helpful. If you are enduring a living Hell and also want to try it, FIND IT HERE

 

Prayer to Saint Michael

"Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil; May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen."

I also have an entire book of prayers for Spiritual Warfare, which I am digging into today. Coincidentally, I purchased it in 2015, shortly after moving into my current apartment. You can get your own, which I bought personalized. It doesn't look like they are personalizing them any more, but you can get the book here:

MANUAL FOR SPIRITUAL WARFARE - Tan Books

One of the prayers from this book that I intend to recite regularly is:

"Hear us, oh Holy Lord, almighty Father, eternal God, and deign to send your holy angel from heaven, to guard, cherish, protect, visit and defend all who dwell in this house. Through Christ, our Lord, amen."

 

TODAY'S GOSPEL READING

When I am struggling to figure something out or to look for some guidance on a particular day, I will scour the official readings for that day and try to pull something from it that I can use to solve my dilemma.  It isn't that I expect some sort of magic confluence, but there is often something of value I can take away that, if not actually a solution for that particular problem, might give me a fresh perspective.  So, here is todays:

Matthew 10:7-15

7 And going, preach, saying: The kingdom of heaven is at hand.

8 Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out devils: freely have you received, freely give.

9 Do not possess gold, nor silver, nor money in your purses:

10 Nor scrip for your journey, nor two coats, nor shoes, nor a staff, for the workman is worthy of his meat.

11 And into whatsoever city or town you shall enter, inquire who in it is worthy, and there abide till you go thence.

12 And when you come into the house, salute it, saying: Peace be to this house.

13 And if that house be worthy, your peace shall come upon it; but if it be not worthy, your peace shall return to you.

14 And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words; going forth out of that house or city shake off the dust from your feet.

15 Amen I say to you, it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.

After reading today's Gospel, I have to say there are quite a few nuggets in it, but I won't hurry to analyze it here. Instead, I will sit with it until I've worked it all out.

SAINT OF THE DAY

Usually, there are few, if any, female saints to celebrate in the official church calendar of the feasts of the saints. Today there are a lot of women. Several of them belong to a group of Chinese martyrs that were beheaded during the Boxer Rebellion, and almost nothing is known of most of them. Others are barely known at all. And then there is Saint Landrada of Austrasia.

Saint Landrada of Austrasia

(died ca. 690)

Abbess/founder of Munsterbilzen Abbey (Belgium)

Munsterbilzen Abbey

[These buildings were erected in the 18th century at

the original location of Landrada's Abbey that she

founded in about 670.]

It looks like this abbey may be the oldest known Abbey of Dutch-speaking nuns. Historically, the Abbess who ruled there exercised lordship over the village of Munsterbilzen and four others until 1773 when forced to accede to the Prince-Bishop of Liege. It always annoys me when I learn of the men pushing out the women and asserting ownership and/or control in place of the nuns. On the other hand, I also suspect that women sometimes give it up too easily. We are afraid of being told we are not "nice" and we cave under pressure to be pliable instead of strong.

Landrada must have been a remarkable woman to have exerted such leadership during the 7th Century, don't you think? My little problems seem miniscule to what she must have had to endure. The Abbess had been a "Princess of the Holy Roman Empire" in addition to leading the nuns in their spiritual life.

I will be reading more about Landrada later in the day - and I encourage you to Google her also!

A SAD BIT OF BUSINESS

I am perpetually low on funds. That's no secret. But now that the car has been defiled and other needs have piled up, I have to start another GOFUNDME to pay for these things. Prior to becoming disabled, I never asked anyone for anything - even when my father was alive. He was very wealthy, but I never asked him for a dime. Now I am asking everyone for everything. It could be discouraging, except that I cling to my relationship with God and I trust in His love and plan for me.

The art work and the writing of the novel continue - but until something big is finished and brings in some funding, I rely upon the generosity of kind people.

If you are reading this and you got anything out of it, would you please consider a donation? Click the yellow "Donate" button below my photo (above, right.) I will add the GOFUNDME link when I have put it together. I JUST finished a campaign to replace my computer, which was successful, and it hurts my heart to have to do this again, but I have no choice and I can't afford to be proud.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose