GOOD TROUBLE HAS CONSEQUENCES

In the background of all my days is the Covid-19 pandemic, but that isn't the first thing I think of when I wake up. I think of the nutty, conspiracy theory fueled, abusive authoritarian regime that has captured our government. It has scary implications for a poor disabled old lady who is going blind and has no power, except the power of my mind and my prayers....which is not "my" power at all, but the power of The Divine.

Hitler had his brown shirts. Trump has his white supremacists, Boogaloo Bois, neo-Nazis, Q-Anon conspiracy theorists, and pseudo militia men, tricked out in full camo and loaded assault rifles, who are now taking the law into their own hands and are murdering citizens who have the gall to protest the killings of black citizens by a trigger-happy, militarized police force.

The dangerously escalating situation started when a black man, George Floyd, was murdered by four policemen in broad daylight, on a city street, in full view of many witnesses, and memorialized by several videos.

While the prone, defenseless, unarmed and restrained citizen pleaded that he could not breathe and begged for his mother, one of the police officers, the murderer, pressed his knee into George Floyd's neck while the other police held him down. Onlookers can be heard on the videotape, trying to intervene, but the police officers spent a good six minutes strangling him. The cold, bloodless look on the face of the murderer is eerie.

Protests started to break out in response. It certainly wasn't the first black American to be murdered by police, but enough people had finally had enough of this travesty that they were willing to risk their own lives to protest with an eye to change.

The response of Trump, the police and the right wing "law and order" crowd was to kill more people and assault the peaceful protesters with gas, rubber bullets, and clubs.

Online, the right wing was complaining, not about the citizens who had been murdered in the street by the police that were supposed to protect them, but the tiny percentage of looting and violence that was occurring. This is typical of the alt right talking heads. They ignore the main issue and get it lost in the weeds of much less evident side issues. This is how the conspiracy theorists operate, as well. If they can find ONE instance of something happening, they blow it up to such an extent that, in their minds, at least, it becomes true for a massive number of people. It isn't truth, but they don't care about truth. They care about force and punishment, even if they have to manufacture an issue that they can then stomp on.

The response of Trump's administration and the right wing lie machine was to (1) express outrage against the protesters instead of the police who murder citizens on the street; and (2) express approval and encouragement for armed white supremacists to take the law into their own hands and come to the protests with loaded weapons to, supposedly, "protect property," but all I saw were pitched battles between them and protesters, initiated by the quasi-military goons who had taken it upon themselves to establish "law and order."

The response of the police was to (1) kill MORE black citizens; and (2) collude with the white supremacists so they would come in large numbers, bristling with weapons.

The protesters, seeing that there was no attempt to address the issues of racism and human rights abuses, but that, instead, the establishment had doubled-down, became enraged. (Who could blame them?)

Most recently, part of a group of white supremacists, a 17 year-old proudly came to a protest with an assault rifle and killed two protesters, after which he approached the police, who basically patted him on the head and sent him home. (You can well imagine if the kid had been black and had approached the police with an AR-15 slung around his neck, after killing two citizens. They would have shot him dead where he stood.)

Shortly thereafter, police can be heard thanking the armed civilians for coming out that night.

There is video and audio of all of this, and I have seen most of it.

Witnessing some of the recent murders of citizens by police, vis-a-vis video and audio tape taken by bystanders with their cell phones, had actually made me sick to my stomach.

The pandemic, a despotic fascist dictatorship, and the string of abuses against people of color, women, minorities, disabled folk, seniors, and anyone deemed too "different" to be allowed to live, is horrifying. This is not the America that the world has counted on to do the right thing. Starting with the kidnap and incarceration of babies and children at the border, we became the bad guys. I have cried every day since this started.

I have always been nonviolent. I have subscribed to Martin Luther King Jr.'s philosophy of nonviolent protest and resistance since I was a little girl. In response to the blood bath on the Edmund Pettus Bridge in which John Lewis, of blessed memory, was savaged and nearly killed, I participated in a protest march in the streets of Carmel, California. But now, since becoming old, disabled and nearly blind, I can't even do that. All I can do is meditate, pray and advise.

I admit that I sometimes feel demoralized and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of amoral, abusive language spewing out of Trump, but when I put my mind at the feet of the Lord, the way is clear. I have to continue to advocate for the vulnerable and the weak, even though I myself belong to those categories.

In Proverbs, there is a commandment to kings which I believe Jesus would agree that we follow:

Open your mouth for the dumb,

for the rights of all the unfortunate.

Open your mouth, judge righteously,

and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy.

~ Proverb 31:8

Although I have not taken to the streets to protest, I have suffered reprisals for my words of protest. I used to have supporters, in my parish and here, online, who were helping me with small gifts and gestures of kindness. One of them bought me a reclining chair when mine broke, so that I would have something on which to sleep. (I can't sleep lying down.) Another gave me a couch she had inherited. A group of them took me to lunch or tea on my birthday - but because I advocate for the weak, the vulnerable and the marginalized, and because I call out Trump and the lies of the right wing, they all, (except one) called me "hateful" and shunned me. They blocked me on Facebook and never spoke to me again.

The last time I was able to go to church and actually sit through mass, I happened to encounter one of them in the hallway. She glowered at me ferociously, lifted her nose in the air, turned her back to me, and stomped out the door.

Another supporter, a woman in IRELAND, of all places, had somehow become a Trump enthusiast. She had been trying to help me find a decent place to live that would be helpful when I lose more of my vision, but she also sent me an angry screed.

The assistance of my "Christian" family has always been welcome, especially since my father's will had been changed after he got dementia, and I was written out. (Typical family greed. He subsequently died under very suspicious circumstances, and I didn't know he had passed away until his body had been cremated, destroying the evidence.)

It is ironic that I left the Hindu convent because of the lack of love exhibited by the people in that faith, only to find that Christians are, for the most part, no better. Just because they claim to follow the God of love, doesn't mean they actually DO. A good portion of them don't even advocate for Christian love and fellow-feeling, opting instead for the dark side of resentment, grievances, force and punishment. The few who actually follow Christ are a beacon of light to me, and I thank God for them daily.

I mention all of this because I want you all to know that there is a cost to advocating for truth and justice! I am not just "blowing hot air" because the internet enables me and it is therefore easy to get my opinion published. I have suffered and continue to suffer retaliation for my advocacy - so when I ask you to do the same, you understand that I am also paying a high price.

I offer up my prayers today for all who need them, especially for the black community that has endured so much for so many years, and I pray that they continue to protest without undertaking violence. I recommend the same to the rest of you, as well.

May God bless you all.

Silver Parnell
(Sannyasini Kaliprana)
Copyright © 2020 Silver Parnell
All rights reserved.

THE SUN STILL SHINES

"Rainbow in the Trees"

Photo taken by Silver Parnell

Copyright © 2020, all rights reserved

The real advantage of having had a wonderful spiritual teacher in one's life is that, if you've spent enough time with them, you can pretty much anticipate what their advice would be, even if they've died long ago.

My teacher, who was somewhat of a father to me, would brush off the recent political news. He would say that history is like this and that men have always broken laws and subjected people to tyrannical rule. The overbearing cruelty that is common with dictators isn't unique to Trump. Few people will escape. Once we have done what we can do, spiritual life remains the same. "Meditation, prayer, eating and drinking - all of these things still go on," he would say.

He was a practical man and, during this difficult time, I appreciate his practical example more than ever. Every day, he stuck to the same schedule, no matter what was going on around him. To be clear, he did have a lot of people attending to his needs. I don't think he ever had do any manual work like cleaning his own room or cooking a meal. But no matter how he was feeling, he stuck to his meditation and prayer routines. He attended the expected events, no matter how bored he might be by them or how pathetic was our rendering of the Sanskrit chants. (It must have sounded harsh and grating to his ear.)

It is both soothing and inspiring to conjure up Swami Swahananda in my mind and have a virtual conversation with him about the dictator that has suddenly come to power in my country and how this has affected me and most of my friends, as well as all the other difficulties that have arisen with my disabilities, chronic pain and looming blindness. I can feel the tension melt away, and it is much easier to just stick to my schedule, as much as I have one, and proceed.

Between this post and the last one, I have gained and lost another attendant. This one, although her work was excellent, was socializing in groups of hundreds of people in close quarters without masks. She belongs to a local big box protestant prosperity-gospel church where most of the people don't practice good Covid hygiene because they mistakenly believe that, because they are very good Christians, the Lord is going to protect them and He won't let them get sick with the virus. So, hundreds of people gather on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, in close quarters, doing everything we are told NOT to do.

The agency that provided this woman immediately understood my concern and, in fact, they told me that, with the exception of people who had hired relatives to care for them, none of their other clients were availing themselves of their services during the pandemic. I resolved that I would try to also avoid it as long as possible. My apartment may be in chaos, but at least I will probably live to see the day when the virus is more under control.

In the meantime, meditation, prayer, eating and sleeping all go on.

Silver Parnell
(Sannyasini Kaliprana)
Copyright © 2020, All rights reserved

P.S. Getting food into the house is still an issue. Please do what you can to help. Amazon has my address and will mail to me directly. JUST CLICK THIS LINK FOR MY AMAZON WISH LIST

IF TRUMP GETS ANOTHER TERM, I MAY BECOME HOMELESS

Although I have worked for more than 30 years, and paid into Social Security through my employers AND my employers have matched my payments with payments of their own, I just found out from prominent professional historian Heather Cox Richardson that Trump's continuation of his "payroll tax cut" will eliminate my Social Security income by mid 2023...less than three years from now.

She cites the data of Chief Social Security Actuary Stephen C. Goss who "crunched the numbers" of Trump's payroll tax cut scheme and discovered that Trump's plan would end Disability Insurance in mid 2021 - a year from now - and Social Security by mid-2023 - which is three years from now. Social Security will be gone ENTIRELY.

The payroll taxes Trump wants to cut are the taxes that provide the money that funds Social Security and Disability insurance. DON'T KID YOURSELF that it will only cut it back a little bit or that it "wont be that bad." Social Security will be dead and gone in 2023 if Trump has his way, and seniors living on their Social Security insurance payments will have no income at all.

For information about the Chief Social Security Actuary, his bona fides, responsibilities and other descriptions of his functions at the Social Security Administration,

see: THIS WEB PAGE

I have multiple physical illnesses and syndromes that affect my ability to walk and to stand. I am also going blind and have lost most of the vision in my left eye already. I have no family in my life, to speak of, except for some distant cousins I found through my genealogy research. My only income is Social Security insurance, into which I paid for more than 30 years.  If I were to lose it, I really don't know where I could live. I represent a large demographic of seniors.

Because of my meditation and other spiritual disciplines, I'll probably get through this final phase of my life without going mad, but I still don't know if I could survive any homelessness at this late stage, with as many physical disabilities as I've been dealt.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, and the reason why I write blogs like this one, is to inform the public about what is happening to a broad swath of American citizens. There are millions of seniors in the same or similar situation  as I am - relying completely upon their Social Security insurance payments in order to survive. Some may have relatives with whom they can live - but many DON'T. Even if a relative could take them in, most people don't have an extra bedroom. Grandma might have to camp out on the couch. And who can afford to absorb all of the living expenses, food, medicine and medical bills, for another adult person?

After a lifetime of being contributing members of society, dumping America's seniors on the street isn't a fitting reward.

Donald Trump was handed a thriving economy that was on the upswing, but like all the businesses that he drove into the ground and bankrupted, he has destroyed our economy by his refusal to address the pandemic, claiming that it was a "Democrat Hoax" because they were "overreacting" in order to make him look bad. For the longest time, he mischaracterized it. He called it a "flu." He said it would disappear, "like a miracle." He said that the warm weather of summer would kill it. He posited that ultra violet light somehow inserted in the body would kill it. At one point, swallowing bleach was his thing. Recently, he lauded a woman peddling discredited cures with a malaria medication - the same woman who can be seen in numerous videos, screeching at crowds inside carnival-style tents, that illness is caused by having sex with demons in your sleep!

Before Obama left office, he had created a pandemic response team and protocols. Experts had warned that a pandemic was on its way, so the Obama administration put all these things in place. They tried to brief Trump but he wasn't interested. Instead, he disbanded the pandemic response team and the measures that had been put in place.

Even before the virus hit our shores, Trump's tax cuts for the wealthy increased the income disparity gap that already rivaled the worst third-world dictatorships. Although promising to protect Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, his administration has continually attempted to make cuts while hacking away at the Affordable Care Act - continuing to do so, even in the midst of the pandemic!

When he was in business, Trump was famous for cheating "the little guy." All these subcontractors would do the actual work of building some luxury resort or golf course or hotel, and he would just refuse to pay them. They'd have to sue him, but he would sell the building or resort and then declare bankruptcy of the business through which he operated to build it. The working man and woman have always been used by Trump to further enrich himself undeservedly. He is still doing it, though on a larger stage.

The question to ask yourself after reading this is whether or not you'd be happy to have millions of grandmas and grandpas living on the street so that Trump and the other one-percenters can become more wealthy. Also, do you ever plan to retire? What would YOU do without any income from Social Security when you retire or, God forbid, become disabled?

If we don't vote Trump out of office, life for grandma and grandpa is going to be more grim than it already is. Please don't let that happen. Vote for Joe Biden. He is not perfect. No one is. But at least he doesn't want to kill grandma and grandpa. That's a good start.

If, after reading this, you discount the estimation of the Chief Actuary of Social Security, please tell me who it is you believe would have better information about Social Security than HE does.

While deciding, may you all be blessed.

Silver Parnell
(Sannyasini Kaliprana)
Copyright © 2020 Silver Samantha Parnell
All rights reserved.

LYING IS MORE DIFFICULT IN THE ERA OF COMPUTERS AND CELL PHONES

Last night, after writing my diary entry for the day, I received an email from the housekeeper who had not shown up. She claimed to have had a car accident on the way to my house and that she couldn't call me because she left her phone in the car and her son couldn't get to it...blah blah blah.

Oh, and by the way, her doctors want her to take a few days off.

First of all, all she had to do was have someone look up the phone number of the agency on the nearest computer or phone and then call them. She didn't need her phone to do it. Information is everywhere in the era of the internet.

Secondly, I remember her telling me that her daughter was due to have a baby any day, and I am willing to bet the $24 left in my bank account that the baby was born, or she had an accident because she was drunk (she was slurring her words when we spoke on Sunday), or - most likely, she found an agency that paid more money and she couldn't call during that entire day because she was working SOMEWHERE ELSE!

I wanted to give her a chance to prove me wrong, so I told her I would believe her if she provided me with a doctors note, in response to which she gave me some word salad that conveyed no information and ignored the request for a doctor's note:

"My employer was the first to know and the baby wasn't born thank you."

The agency tells me they didn't speak to her. There is no doctor letter, and they don't expect one. They won't be using her again, and she won't get a recommendation from them.

This reminds me of the numerous times in the last 5 or 10 years that someone has told me, "I tried to reach you, but you didn't answer the phone," and there is no record of receiving a phone call from them. Somehow, dishonest people "forget" that cell phones keep track of every bit of data going in and out over the airwaves. Whoever calls me, whether I speak to them or not, there is a record of that call.

Just yesterday, a service person claimed to have called me, but they didn't leave a phone message and there is no record of them calling me in my phone history. Why didn't they leave a message, if they were truly "trying to reach" me? Because they did not "try to reach me" at all. They were lying.

Lying has become a habit, but a dangerous one, if you care about your immortal soul, as some religous people claim.

"You are of your father the devil, and you want to 

do the desires of your father. He was a murderer 

from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth

because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks

a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar

and the father of lies."

~ John 8:44

Another housekeeper has shown up and is now, at the moment I type this, working diligently on cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes. She had to get here on the bus, but fortunately she doesn't live far from me.

When I told the new housekeeper about the gal that didn't show up yesterday, after telling me how devoted she was to her clients and how she was available to them "24/7" she piped up and said, "which means 'I won't be seein' ya." THIS gal has potential.

Silver Rose
(Sannyasini Kaliprana)
Copyright © 2020, Silver S. Parnell, All rights reserved.

THE INMATES HAVE TAKEN OVER THE MENTAL INSTITUTION

Last night, I had a lovely 20 minute telephone conversation with a woman who was hired by my home health agency to come and take care of me, do my dishes, a little laundry, and whatever else I need done in the house. I have multiple physical disabilities and I am going blind. I've already lost most of the functional sight in my left eye. It is becoming difficult to function.

It delighted me to speak to this nice lady who talked about her devotion to her clients and how she is really available "24/7" whenever they need her and that I can call her any time if I need help. After telling her how thrilled I was to be having her come to help me, we completed the call and I went to bed feeling great relief that, finally, someone would pick up where the last homemaker left off - you know, the one who got into my pain pills, stole a bunch of things and lied constantly?

This morning, I "hurried"around getting the apartment ready for a new person to come in, making sure there was enough room for her to park in the assigned spot, and generally just making sure that when she walked in the door she wouldn't be overwhelmed.

I sent her a text message at about 10:40, with a picture of the parking spot, and my car right next to it, and I waited.

She never showed up. She didn't call. She didn't answer my phone calls or messages, nor did she call the agency or pick up the phone when the agency called HER. Nothing.

While I was waiting for this woman, I opened up a package of face shields, intending to put them together and have them available for us both to use. Although I had purchased them on Amazon, and they were supposed to be new, they were both badly damaged, and one of them was missing the film that is designed to be peeled off, prior to use. I'd paid $14.00 for two pieces of junk. CLEARLY, I had fallen into a Covid price-gouging scam. The Amazon agent I spoke to when I contacted them to complain had seen this before. We discussed how people are using the world-wide pandemic to enrich themselves.

Later in the day, I picked up some food from a restaurant - a celebration, because today is my birthday. I RARELY buy ready-made food. The man came out of the shop and he wasn't wearing a mask. After all the effort of ordering "contactless" pick-up, he had done nothing to ensure my safety. I'd already paid a tip when I ordered online. I suppose that's all that mattered to him.

Nursing a stomach ache from having eaten abnormally rich food, I watched "Democracy Now" on PBS and was horrified to learn just how much traction Q-Anon has made in the Republican Party. I watched a video in which Trump was asked about them and all he could say was that he heard that they like him very much. (He said it twice.)  He would not disavow their bizarre fantasies. After all, saving the world from devil worshippers, fictional democrat pedophiles and demons was a good thing, right?

What are we talking about? Somebody who styled himself as "Q-Anon" started putting inane cartoonish messages out onto the internet about 3 years ago. He/she claims to be a higher-up in the Trump administration and says he is working with Donald Trump to fight an imaginary Democrat cabal of DEMONS AND DEVIL WORSHIPPERS who they say run a pedophilia ring with the intention of ruling the world. They worship Satan and they eat babies after they molest them, and then they also sell them....and that's not even the wackiest part of the story. Read up about them. I just can't bear it.

[Personally, the whole thing sounds like something out of the feverish mind of an adolescent computer geek who isn't too popular in school, and I am willing to bet that this description is more accurate than the supposed "higher up" in the Trump administration that is supposedly "Q-Anon."]

There is a lot more crazy to be had out of this bunch of fantasists but the really surprising aspect of this is that the Republican Party - a portion of it - has taken on this conspiracy theory and there are more than 20 legislators who are believers! The state of Georgia just nominated an out-and-proud Q-Anon supporter, to the 14th Congressional District: Marjorie Taylor Greene, who has a reputation for blatantly racist comments in the past.

Oregon Republicans have also nominated a Q-Anon advocate to the Senate: Joe Rae Perkins.

The list goes on. If you're not familiar with any of this, research it. It beggars belief.

Previously, I would give you a host of links, which took forever, and I can no longer afford the time, as it was eating into my spiritual disciplines and my creative endeavors. Let me just assure you that this is an extremely important turn of events that should form part of your understanding of our current situation. Dig into it.

We are seeing a disturbing number of people who are becoming unbalanced as a result of this insanity. Having Donald Trump at the top of the heap was bad enough - but you must understand that he is just a symptom and a mouthpiece. Donald Trump was formed by a combination of these kooks and Fox "News". Now, this insane Q-Anon movement has infiltrated the halls of government and is toxic enough to topple America into the dustbin of history.

UPDATE: Thinking I was finished with today dose of disaster, I published this diary entry. Then I read an article about that Republican couple that stood outside their house and pointed guns at protesters as they passed by on their way to the mayor's house. Evidently, they are terrible bullies and have wreaked vengeance against the Jewish synagogue that shares their property line. The synagogue had just established a series of bee hives at the fence line, to make their own honey for one of their religious holidays. Mark McCloskey, in the middle of the night, without warning or discussion, took an axe to the hives and somehow killed all the bees. He left a note that if the detritus wasn't moved immediately, he and his wife Patricia would sue the synagogue.

Evidently, the fence was 6 inches over their property line. SIX INCHES. The little Jewish children cried when they learned of the destruction. The Rabbi reports that this act of bullying is not the first. They would have been more than happy to move the hives if the McCloskey's had communicated with them. These vile people, these bullies, will be speaking during the Republican National Convention.

It doesn't surprise me that people like the McCloskeys will be celebrated by the Trumpian Party, formerly the Republican Party, because it has become the party of hate, bigotry, and bullying. The preferred method for nearly every issue is FORCE AND PUNISHMENT. At the same time, these people loudly assert a type of Christianity that would make Jesus weep. This is not what He had in mind. NONE of this is what He had in mind.

Can you imagine what Jesus would say if you walked up to Him and told him that you've broken up families and incarcerated the babies behind barbed wire, to sleep on cement floors, under mylar-coated pieces of paper, without any reliable means of reuniting the families? Bullying, bigotry, force and punishment are not worthy of the humble man called Jesus, the man of Love and peace.

I think about the babies every day. Their contorted faces, wet with tears, haunt my every nightmare. Every morning I wake up thinking about them. I can hear them from the videotapes I have watched. "Mommy! Poppy!" The piteous shrieks make my heart ache. I can feel their terror and emotional pain. Psychologists have confirmed that what they have been made to endure by the Trump administration is equivalent to the worst psychological TORTURE.

Later, I happened to see yet another unarmed black man, shot in the back by police officers. Nothing has changed since BLACK LIVES MATTER became a thing. Almost every night there is a new videotape of an unarmed, defenseless man being killed by the police. Tonight, they put seven bullets into the man's back while his three little children watched. He was leaning into the car where they were all sitting. So close, they could smell the blood and the gunpowder.

Every day is some fresh new hell. Every. Damn. DAY.

Voting will not be enough to fix this problem that we have in this country. What do we do about a country that has lionized individuality to such an extent that we have become soulless, selfish MONSTERS? What do we do?

Being disabled, mobility challenged, poor, half blind - I have no power to fix this AT ALL. I can pray. Of course I can pray. And I can meditate to maintain my own inner peace and equilibrium. But how do we pull our country out of this terrible black hole into which we have plummeted?

I suspect that, in the rise and fall of civilizations, this is our fall...and there is no coming back from it. If I had the money, I would move to another country - a kinder country - perhaps Canada. Sometimes I fantasize about going "back" to where my family originally came from - Wales or Ireland or Scotland or Cornwall. I mull over the idea of learning Irish or Welsh. To which country will I return when I suddenly have money to spend and my body is suddenly healthy again? Obviously, I have a strong fantasy life. In reality, I am stuck here, in a country ruled by animalistic heathen bastards.

But it is also full of blessed, loving, lovable and truly gentle souls. We must band together...if for nothing other than our shared mental health and wellbeing.

The most important thing I want to suggest to you is that you redouble your spiritual efforts in order to stay sane, stay balanced, and stay in tune with the Divine. If you'd like to connect with other SANE SPIRITUAL PEOPLE, contact me on my Facebook page:

FOLLOW THIS LINK TO MY FACEBOOK

In the meantime, God bless you and keep you.

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana

UNSOLICITED ADVICE

There is nothing that throws a cold wet blanket on a relationship like unsolicited advice when a little empathy and sympathy are all that are called for.

This is never more evident than on social media, especially with people with whom you are less well acquainted than would be ideal. Let us say that you've had a bad day or something unfortunate is occurring, and you post an oblique mention on Facebook among your friends. There is always at least one person who, without benefit of knowing any of the underlying facts, just jumps right in and does a cursory Google search and then throws a website link at you or, more commonly, they will dispense low-grade, unimaginative BASIC directions that only a truly dull person would not have already thought to do.

She knows next to nothing about the situation and, though you haven't asked for advice or recommendations, this person is going to give you elementary instructions, by golly, whether you like it or not, and when you tell her that you aren't in need of her sage advice, she informs you that simply by posting anything on Facebook, you are asking for advice. Of course, this is not true. Posting on Facebook does not constitute permission for random people to talk down to you vis-a-vis ridiculously juvenile advice. Fortunately, there is a block function, and you can get rid of these socially inept neanderthals when they refuse to stop gracing you with their fabulous prescriptions.

After my latest experience with a woman who tried to force her advice on me, despite my request that she stop, I was moved to write a blog about communication. Clearly, it is needed, though I doubt the people who need it the most will read this, but perhaps if the rest of us raise the tone of social media through treating each other with greater respect and love, those other people who are addicted to the sound of their own voices will pick up some of these habits by osmosis. A rising tide raises all boats.

The great thing about a blog is that, although it is often a type of 'advice,' it is a passive platform for it. It isn't targeted to any one individual. It doesn't humiliate individuals in public in the way that a Facebook post will do. If someone reads this blog, or any blog, they're free to take any "advice" they feel might relate to them,  without having to feel that they have been flagged in public.

So what should you do instead of forcing unsolicited advice on others? If you truly want to "help someone" (as many advice-givers claim) then take the time to get an accurate picture of the problem, but first ask the person if they want your help. If it is a personal matter, don't be surprised if they decide not to share with you. If they're not comfortable sharing the details with you, then they're sure not going to be comfortable listening to your advice. Offer, instead, emotional support. something along the lines of;

"I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch right now. Let me know if you ever want to talk."

If you DO get their agreement, ask some fact finding questions that will give you the back story. Ask the person what they've done to rectify the situation and ask them what result they would like to have happen. Ask an open question such as, "is there anything else you want to tell me about this situation?"

At that point, if you feel you may have some ideas that might help, ask the person, "can I run some ideas by you?" If they say "yes" then phrase your ideas gently. Don't tell them what to do. Ask them. For instance, "how would you feel about doing ______(x)_______" OR "Have you thought about doing ________(x)___________."

This is a format for phrasing your questions in a respectful manner that invites permission, rather than trying to force it.

Be prepared for the person to reject your ideas. They do not owe it to you to explain why your ideas for them do not work for them. It may look to you as if the person is just being negative or that they are standing in their own way or even causing their own problems. That could be true or it also could be true that you are failing to understand this person's point of view. No matter how self-reflective a person is, it is often difficult to convey an individual's perspective to another person who doesn't live inside their head, and they simply don't have the language to articulate it.

The entire world is not crying out for our opinions, as much as some might feel otherwise. It is far more crucial to give love, affection, sympathy and warmth than it could ever be for your unsolicited advice.

Just to be clear, solicited advice is when an individual agrees that they specifically want your advice in particular. It doesn't count if someone has mentioned a problem in a Facebook post UNLESS that post distinctly ASKS for advice or recommendations. Posting a lament is not permission.

If you haven't asked the receiver if they want your advice, anything and everything you might offer as a solution is unsolicited and therefore useless.

If it sounds like compassion takes a lot of time and a lot of work - it DOES! If you can't give the time, don't offer your services.

Finally, I would ask you to examine your motives. Why is it your first instinct to try and control the actions, thoughts or words of another person instead of offering sympathy, love and emotional support? Does this person's situation actually annoy you, and you want to shut them up by offering a fast fix so you can make a hasty exit? Do you feel judgmental or critical about the person and think, perhaps, they cause their own problems?  Do you feel uncomfortable with the personal information that they've revealed about themselves? Get yourself sorted out FIRST. YOU might be the one that needs fixing - in the way of an attitude adjustment. Or perhaps you just need a script - something to say that conveys compassion but that doesn't require you to have an hours-long conversation you don't have the time to start?

"I'm sorry to hear this. Do you need to talk about it?" is a good place to start. If you don't have time at the moment, then also say something like, "I've got to run out now, but I have some time on Friday. Can we chat on a private message?" If you DON'T have any real interest in the person, then you can simply say "I'm sorry to hear this. May I pray for you?" [Or whatever your version is.] You get the idea.

You aren't expected to be available to every person you run into on social media. You don't HAVE to fix every squeaky wheel, and it is understood that we all have a finite number of minutes we can afford to devote to noodling around on Facebook.

MOST of us have, on occasion, had to throttle back the tendency to opine about what OTHER people should do.  I've done it, in the past, and I continue to try to be better about this and put a lid on this bad habit.  Every year I try to be better, show more love, and to be more respectful and receptive to the needs of suffering people. I offer this blog in that spirit, so that we can all travel together toward love, in love.

God bless you all.

Silver Rose
Sannyasini Kaliprana