If you are reading this blog, you are likely already aware that I have been a lay urban hermit ever since I became disabled a little more than 20 years ago, when I decided to dedicate the rest of my life to The Lord.
The day I decided to dedicate
the rest of my life to God, in 2004
(Yes, I have lost a little weight since then.)
In 2006, I found a quiet little apartment in New Mexico, on the edge of town near the Rio Grande River. The view was of trees and mountains, and my particular unit had been built specifically for disabled people.
It was conducive to the quiet contemplative life, but recently we have learned that major construction is required. I may be asked to leave or I may be required to remain here while the rent continues to skyrocket, and the ambiance will become that of a noisy, vibrating, honking, beeping construction site, teeming with guys in hard hats.
Obviously, this is complicating my monastic routines and may even interfere with my physical disabilities.
As much as I really love researching the saints for this blog, and catching up with all of you, I will have to take a break for the time being. The worldly concerns pressing in on me may force me to move into another apartment, if I can find one that is the right size, with the right floorplan, and a safe neighborhood that is conducive to my peace and spiritual practices.
So far, in my search for a new hermitage apartment, ALL of the reviews are just miserable for the low income apartments. Many folks moved to my town during and after Covid, an appreciable number of whom brought their big city income with them because jobs-from-home became much more available, turning a quiet, small, affordable city into a dirty, crowded, much more spendy destination for the work-from-home crowd. This caused the rents to skyrocket, along with other expenses, such as food.
When I first moved to this small city in the Southwest in about 1998, I could afford a decent apartment on a secretarial salary. My first place was about a 700 square foot, one-bedroom place that cost about $400 a month. There were about 6 apartments, in total, and the atmosphere was shaded by several large trees - a real bonus in this dry place.
That same apartment today would cost THREE TIMES that amount, but salaries have not tripled, and neither has Social Security! Everyone has been feeling squeezed.
At the same time, the homeless population has exploded. I don't know why this has happened suddenly, but along with it comes a really frustrating wave of petty thievery and vandalism. I can't even keep a garden statue in my portion of the community yard. Every garden angel disappeared, including a rather tall ceramic angel gifted to me by someone who moved to Texas. It was a beautiful, high-quality ceramic that was stolen from the garden in the middle of the night.
Garden statue sitting in front
of bird bath -
Statue was stolen after 2:00 a.m.
I have been told that the homeless bring all the flotsam and jetsam and tidbits they steal into the local pawnbrokers, who'll give them a dollar or two for something that might cost me $80 if I bought it online. And the disreputable pawnbrokers, KNOWING that these people are bringing them stolen goods, keep this whole thing going.
Then the homeless accumulate their dollars and their dimes and buy a pill or a whiff of something to make them high.
Then there are the hostile neighbors, one of whom took my Blessed Mother out of what I THOUGHT was a protected area of the garden. Nope. He took it out of the pot where she had lived FOR YEARS and he smashed her to bits in the yard one night, shortly before he moved. (He had been harassing me for months before that time.)
Blessed Mother smashed by neighbor
Of course, if you are religious, some of the neighbors will attack you in one way or another, and the garden is accessible.
For the most part, I have given up putting decorations into the garden, unless I am prepared for it to be stolen, or the decoration is so big and unwieldy, it is hard to steal. At the moment, a neighboring friend is putting some decorations in my bird bath (pretty stone spheres) that I will have to bring into my apartment when I take the dog out for his last walk of the day. I'll put them in a bowl and set it on the table next to the door, then return them to the bird bath when I take out the dog for his first walk the next day.
It is a hassle, but that bird bath (and the bird feeders) are in view of my living room window, where I spend most of my day, and I love the idyllic peaceful scene. I have some solar-powered fountains that turn the birdbath into a moving scene while keeping mosquitos at bay at the same time! I really enjoy the view.
When I had a car, the vandals broke our windows if they saw pocket change in the console between the seats!
Moving will also mean losing this wonderful view that soothes my heart. It is RARE to have any greenery adjacent to the apartment complexes in this arid place.
I will miss my occasional rainbow view!
I would like to buy one of those homes on the HUD special program, but this isn't something that I can do at the present time. After 20 years of disability and poverty, I don't have the necessary funds. Even a HUD house has some requirements.
The apartment where I have lived for the last 20 years has not been cared for properly and now requires major repairs.
Half of the residents have already been forced to leave this lovely property. Another 11 apartments have just received a similar notice (after being made to move from a previous apartment into an apartment on another floor where they were under the impression they were going to be able to stay! They have only been there long enough to barely finish unpacking.)
I will miss the local birds and animals!
In addition, all of the residents with whom I have cordial relationships and who wish me well are among the ones being made to move out, leaving a small cabal of people who have behaved in an evil manner toward me. There is a saying that "no good deed goes unpunished," and I have a lot of experience with that!
So, it seems that it may be time to move to "higher ground," at least until this building is finished being repaired. I believe that part of the deal is that I get first "dibs" on moving back into my apartment - unless, of course, they tear down the whole thing, which I highly suspect may be a possibility!
Not my walk-in shower but
I got this photo from UNSPLASH
There is just one fly in the soup and that is this: Because of my disabilities, I must have a walk-in shower, and those are few and far between in this city. Medicaid installed the one that I currently have in this apartment, but they will only do such a thing once every five years! So, unless I find another apartment with a walk-in shower, I may have to stay here and make some special arrangement. Everything is up in the air, and I have a lot of research to do, so I will just have to see what The Lord has in mind for me.
Fortunately, I have a lovely social worker helping me and making phone calls. I also have an advocate from Solace, as well as a caregiving agency that, to date, has not been able to get me a decent caregiver but who has been super about filling in the blanks for me, with some of the office gals coming in to take out the trash and do dishes for me. There is also an attorney at the Senior Citizen Legal Center who has helped me in the past and who I may call upon again, if things get difficult.
The problems are many, however, and I pray that they do not give up on me because of it.
I hope to keep my indoor garden alive
during the move
That company, "A Place for Mom" was calling me for a couple days, offering their free service, until they found out that I could not afford to pay more than $700 a month for an apartment, and even THAT is a terrible stretch for me, but I think my social worker is more than capable to help me.
Even if I do not end up moving out of this apartment, I must put in some extra work on my writing and my painting because, if I am ever going to get my projects off the ground, I had better concentrate on my creative work. At the very least, I must finish at least ONE of the novels I have started because I really need to generate some income in addition to my Social Security because the more my disabilities become severe, the more my finances appear to be inadequate for my care!
I keep telling myself that, if only I had not been written out of my father's will by a third wife AFTER he got dementia, then I would not be going through this. They knew I was disabled, and because I was in another state and unable to travel back to see my father and learn what they were doing to him, his body was cremated before I knew he had died under EXTREMELY SUSPICIOUS circumstances!
Photo of pill doctor from UNSPLASH.COM
The quack "pill doctor" that wrote prescriptions for him is the same one who signed his death certificate. That "doctor" ended up going to prison for writing prescriptions for patients he had never seen. I could not do anything about it because all the evidence had gone up in smoke by that time!
It looks like one of my relatives was "in on" the plot to write me out of the will but then found out that she ALSO had been written out, functionally, by her partner in crime, so she then concocted a very clever scam that locked me out, legally, from being able to win a court case because she was the one who had the direct, first-hand witness evidence! It is a long story, but all I have to say is that Hanibal Lector doesn't hold a candle to this person!
From Amber Kipp on Unsplash
I can only remind myself that God brings all things to the good for those who love Him and believe! ALSO, God loves the poor and must have loved me a lot to make me one of his favorite people.
Training myself to think in this way has taken many years and a lot of work. If you are not able to instantly adopt this posture, don't worry about it. It will come. And do not think that you must be inscrutable and unemotional either. We are still human.
The most valuable thing we have, when dealing with these traumatic life events and circumstances, is the firm attachment to God. It isn't just belief that is necessary. Belief is primarily an intellectual assent. We must BE WITH the Lord all the time.
In any case, I have faith in The Lord and I am willing to surrender myself to His Will. I prefer to be "in on" the plan, but if I cannot, I must relax and trust Him while I do my part of it. I have to talk to myself a LOT during these difficult times when so many circumstances are piling on top of me.
This brings up the topic I wanted to discuss with you before I take this little break. I just want to remind you to be prepared for Satan and his minions to have an extra special interest in you the moment you begin to devote yourself most strenuously to your spiritual disciplines. If you have relied upon me for any spiritual advice or comfort, the moment I step away, the Dark One will target you. If you have been gaining spiritual strength through a regular attendance at mass, he will do something to interfere with it and throw off your rhythm. Beelzebub and his minions will intrude into everything that supports your sacred routine.
If you have people in your environment that are servants of darkness, you can count on them to hinder your progress, your plans, your meditations and your dreams. They hate to see you communing with the Divine. The light that shines from you when you are in the flow, just enrages them.
They will come after you as soon as you become holy. Don't give up your efforts! Continue your prayers and your meditation. Say your Angeles and the Regina Coeli, whichever is appropriate at the time in the calendar. Try to go to confession as often as possible. Keep your soul whistling clean, but don't be surprised when Satan's minions start to harass you in direct relation to the amount of effort you put into your spiritual life.
Those under the influence of Satan will try to detract you from your holy path. Don't let them sway you. When they attack you and speak ill of you, just start praying for them even more than you already do.
People who have been influenced by the New Age religions mistakenly believe that, if they are doing it "right," that their spiritual disciplines will prevent Satan from bothering them. While it is true that there are some disciplines that help keep the demons at bay. (I recommend Father Ripperger, the exorcist, for information about those practices) what typically happens is that the demons who have taken up residence in the people around you will become enraged when they see you making spiritual progress.
Just remember: they want to detract you from all those things that are helping you to become holy.
Satan has no need to bother those who are already under his influence. It is the holy ones he tries to knock off their feet! Do not think that your "bad luck" or lack of success or string of unfortunate circumstances are a sign of God abandoning you! It isn't GOD we are dealing with when fighting off the meanies of the world.
Mohammad Metri on Unsplash
I will check in, now and then, in case you have sent me messages. You can also reach me on Facebook. After I finish my novel, I will return, God willing, and resume my blog posts about the saints and the life at Silver Cottage Hermitage.
Don't forget the Amazon grocery list under my picture at the top right of the blog page. I will have to save money for the new hermitage location, and it will help if some groceries are donated. Later on, I may add some packing supplies.
In the meantime, please pray for me as I pray for you!
Silver Rose
Stairway to Heaven
The Contemplative life!
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