Just because God allows something to happen doesn't mean he wills or desires it. Without giving us freedom - free will - we would not have the power to give Him our love and attention of our own volition. Who wants to be forced to love? Could one even call it "love" under that circumstance? If God created the World and all things in it, He had to give us all our freedom so that He could be chosen for Himself, loved for Himself, and worshipped for Himself. Otherwise, we would be slaves.
I watched a television episode earlier this week in which a young woman, previously on fire with love of the Lord, decided she no longer believed in Him because something unpleasant happened to her. She had to have a surgery that rendered her sterile, and she blamed God for it. She had her heart set on having children and she decided that because God allowed her to become sterile, God did not therefore exist at all because a loving God would give her everything she wanted. She expected to be repaid for her "faith" and because God didn't deliver, she had no further use for Him. This is a mercenary type of religion that is nothing more than an exercise in selfishness.
I have always found the story of Job to be inspiring during difficult times such as these. Dealing with multiple physical illnesses, blindness, disability, deaths of loved ones and pets, assaults and thievery by neighborhood hoodlums: If hadn't some faith in God, I would be weeping every day.
In the Bible, God allowed all sorts of suffering to be brought down on Job's head, despite the fact that Job did not deserve it. The Lord told Satan that He was sure of Job's love and allegiance and that, no matter what Satan visited on him, Job would remain faithful - and that is exactly what happened. Job was tormented with sore boils all over his body. His sons and daughters and servants were all killed. His entire world was destroyed.
Job had always "feared God" and "avoided evil," and therefore none of the harsh disasters that were visited on him were warranted. He didn't greet those calamities with a sanguine calm. He openly expressed his suffering and wore the signs of it on his person.
Shaving one's head and ripping one's garments are symbols of extreme grief or anguish. Despite being established in the Lord and firm in faith, Job felt the pain of these earthly torments and he expressed his misery. Wearing these emblems of gloom, he fell to the ground in humility of surrender and praised the Lord, as was his firm habit.
It is perfectly understandable to feel unhappiness and to express it, but what is crucial is that, despite misfortunes falling upon us, it is our attachment to The Lord that is key. Do we keep company with the Lord and have faith in His Love, despite what happens to us in this "veil of tears." This is where spiritual disciplines come into play. If we have the habit of inclining the mind to God, deliberately and regularly, it is to Him we will automatically turn when we are burdened with woes.
There is a tendency among spiritual folk to assume that if your faith is solid, you don't suffer at all - that you meet hardships like an automaton or a Mona Lisa painting - serene in the midst of it all. I am sure some people may behave like that. Certainly others aspire to it. But it isn't necessary. Whether or not you express suffering doesn't matter in the slightest. What DOES matter is whether or not you continue to keep faith with your Lord. The rest of it is window dressing.
Of course, as our practices become finer and finer, it is natural that we mourn less frequently and for shorter periods of time, until one day we may remain peaceful in the face of catastrophe, but it isn't a sin to be unhappy or express it. Instead, it is human. God does not guarantee that earthly circumstances will go our way, but He can be relied upon to comfort us. All we have to do is turn to Him.
In the "New Age", the emphasis tends to be on the wrong aspect of the thing entirely. Instead of accompanying a suffering person in their sorrow, people will often accuse them of not being "spiritual" enough when it is actually the attachment of the person to the Lord that matters. Some of these people are so confused that they believe that if you feel any emotion other than kumbaya happy clappy sentiment, you will "attract" to yourself (and deserve) further suffering. Forget the weeping, the cutting of hair, the rending of garments, and the mournful vigils. They want you to wear a happy façade or they blame you for every misfortune. The selfish ignorance of these people can be annoying, at the very least, and an incredible burden in one's darkest days - but continuing to return to thoughts of the Lord will soothe us when humans can't be bothered to sympathize.
It is also common among the misguided and unlearned to tell you (or to insinuate broadly) that your suffering is nothing in comparison to such-and-such a person. Indeed, it is almost impossible to experience any suffering for which there is not someone in the world who is experiencing far worse. It may be helpful, during a more philosophical time, when the initial reaction to misfortune has worn off a bit, for the recipient of bad luck to contemplate those type of facts, but for others to foist it on you in place of sympathy is just another cruelty, heaped upon someone already afflicted.
I suppose the point of all this is that regular meditative practice, both formal and informal throughout the day, prepares us for the difficulties of life.
On Monday, I will be going to the Cancer Center with regard to a melanoma that has suddenly appeared on my scalp. As a religious hermit without community, I have no one to accompany me on this appointment. Every time the clerks call me to "remind" me about this upcoming appointment, they mention that I am allowed one person to come with me, but there is no one I would burden with it, especially now, with Covid pandemic raging across the globe. I wouldn't want anyone to risk their life just so I could have the comfort of a calm and supportive presence. It wouldn't be fair. Instead, I will take myself and rely upon the presence of God within my heart to sustain me. After decades of training the mind to return to the feet of the Lord, I tell myself that I can do this. God will be with me.
I suppose it does not seem "fair" to me that, on top of everything else, I have skin cancer to deal with, but this is my life.
A particularly good little book, THE PRACTICE OF THE PRESENCE OF GOD, is one which I've turned to over the years for inspiration. It is about Brother Lawrence, a friar who was deemed nearly useless to the monastery and was relegated to the kitchen. He couldn't be a priest. He couldn't chant the office. I get the impression that his brother monks treated him with disdain and looked down upon him. But he, on the other hand, said that he felt as close to his Lord among the pots and pans as he would have been in the choir stall, singing the beautiful hymns.
Practicing the presence of God throughout the day is very similar to the Buddhist practice of "walking meditation," in that the mind is kept with the Divine during an activity that is pedestrian - not thought of as particularly spiritual. The practice yokes the mental activity with the breath and the body's movement, so that the three spheres act upon one another. It is very helpful.
Another "easy" prayer that inclines the mind to God without requiring intellectual exercise, and which can be recited mentally throughout the day, directing the mind to the Divine, is the Jesus Prayer:
Have mercy upon me, a poor sinner
This prayer is widely prayed by the Orthodox monks, who carry a prayer rope that is knotted at close intervals, to count the number of times the prayer is said.
I highly recommend giving these things a try. Read the little book I mentioned above. It is widely available. If I remember correctly, it was written by a fellow monk who knew Brother Lawrence. I think perhaps Brother Lawrence was illiterate.
As usual, if you have rudimentary questions about meditation, I will be available. Just make a comment and I will respond.
In the meantime, I ask that you pray for me, just as I pray for you.
God bless us all
Sannyasini Kaliprana
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