Every day I endeavor to celebrate a female saint whose life is an inspiration to me in my capacity as a hermit, or what you might term a "recluse," such as today's Saint Hiltrude who spent her life dedicated to communing with the Lord while attached to the Benedictine monastery ruled by her brother, Gundrad.
It delights me to be able to celebrate someone whose name is remembered in the context of this type of vocation. A "sannyasini," which is my vowed path, is very similar to the hermit, and, as a type of shorthand, I refer to myself as such to Westerners. At heart, it is a contemplative path.
Each time a hermit is celebrated on our calendar, I feel inspired to encourage others who are thinking they may take to the path others of us have stepped upon. Many people feel the pull toward monastic life, but it has become very expensive to support nuns and monks in big institutions. Public support has lessened at the same time that the economy has made it cost prohibitive. Unlike in the Middle Ages, the number and size of monasteries and convents has been drastically reduced. They have had to become more and more PICKY about who they accept. If you want to live as a monastic and you are not young, not rich, and perhaps not perfectly healthy, you won't typically be welcomed with open arms and may HAVE to "go it alone."
My comments and recommendations in this post, and in this blog, in general, are meant for the hermits who, by necessity, have to pursue this life entirely alone, without the assistance or support of an institution.
There are many names for a person who lives a monastic life in a somewhat solitary state: Hermit, Anchorite, Ascetic, Cenobite, Eremite, Monk, Nun, Solitary. None of these labels can be relied upon to adequately describe the journey each individual undertakes when they choose the monastic vocation because the vocation often chooses the person. Even when there is no institution that is able to entertain the idea of supporting this vocation in you, the Divine Tide moves the heart and accomplishes the life, nonetheless- so strong is the call of the spirit.
I have been encouraged by a number of spiritually advanced souls who recognized that the Lord prepared me for this life by allowing great difficulties to assail me throughout my time on earth, and that, through the blows of the little hammers of sorrows, pressures, losses, death, disease and disaster, the golden carapace - the armor with which the serious spiritual seeker is given the strength to deflect the evil we encounter on our way to God realization - has been formed. With it, we may eventually become somewhat impervious to the worldly temptations.
In my monastic journey, I have been very fortunate to have enjoyed the friendship and counsel of spiritually advanced souls, such as my Vedantic monastic advisor, Swami Swahananda of the Vedanta Society of Southern California who directed my vows as a sannyasini; my friend, the Zen Buddhist Roshi Prabhasa Dharma, with whom I enjoyed many brilliant conversations; as well as the occasional perspective of Father Dennis at San Felipe de Neri Parish in Old Town, Albuquerque, who acted as my confessor on several occasions. Even dear Amma, the "hugging saint" has played a part in my journey, with her wise individual counsel, when she came to Santa Fe, years ago, and we discussed the arena of my monastic "work."
It is my humble opinion that without the companionship and wise counsel of these saintly people, as well as the close association with other aspirants (good, bad and mediocre), I would not be fit for the job I undertook decades ago. I recommend heartily that if you aspire to the independent spiritual life, solicit input from people known to be spiritually advanced and psychologically sound. Not everyone is destined for this path, and it shouldn't be embarked upon without the hearty support of those who know what it entails and who are familiar enough with you to be able to give a recommendation.
On the other hand, you need to keep in mind that there will always be naysayers. The world is full of petty, jealous people who delight in criticizing and blockading the paths of others. Ignore the naysayers. Who are they to tell you that you cannot love God? Who are they to tell you that you may not seek the company of the Divine? Place your mind at the feet of God and ignore the words of those who try to discourage you.
Spiritual advisors should be confident in themselves and have a history of keeping their ego in check. Real humility, though rare, is definitely required in the character of the person who advises you, otherwise you run the risk of being undone by the covert, passive-aggressive machinations of the ego-impaired.
Just make sure that your spiritual advisor is more adept than you are and that you are picking him or her, not the other way around. In this arena, there seems to be no end of people who wish to push themselves and their unsolicited opinions on you. You'll recognize this when it happens and I trust you will politely decline their effort to direct you against your will.
When you do pick a teacher and he or she gives you advice you don't care to follow, you may comply anyway because you, yourself have chosen him as your teacher. Someone who has pushed themselves on you will be less successful in ensuring your cooperation and really helping you. There is a saying in Hindusm that "when the student is ready, the teacher appears." Just be on the lookout and do what you sense is best. It will work out. God is watching out for us, those who love Him. He knows us and will place us in the right hands, when all is said and done, so have no worries about any of this.
When contemplating monastic life, it wouldn't hurt to undergo some psychological counseling as part of your discernment process, especially if you are embarking on the path without benefit of institutional support. You don't have to find someone with a specialty in counseling people from a spiritual perspective. Monastic life is full of ordinary stressors that exact their price on the psyche, and you want to make sure you can handle it. Give yourself a little tune-up, as it were. I have done this over an extended period of time, and I can attest to its benefits.
Remember also that no one is perfect and none of us starts out as a saint. Take Saint Mary of Egypt as an example. She led a completely dissolute life for quite some time before coming to the Lord, leaving home at the age of 12 to pursue a life devoted to lust for 17 years before becoming converted. She thereafter retreated to the desert to live as a hermit the remainder of her days.
You do not have to have led a perfect life before taking the robes. You just need to be certain that the basic requirements of your vocation can be met without constant inner turmoil. On occasion, you will be beset by petty temptations. You just need to be confident that you can put these aside, much as you put aside distracting thoughts that pop up in the mind while you meditate.
I remember, with great sadness, a woman who appeared, at first glance, to have the ideal temperament for a mystic but she was entirely undone by a male pursuer. For our purposes, we will call her "Durga." She was in the convent at the time. Her love of God appeared to be intense, but it was her misfortune that she was both extremely pretty and had a lovely speaking voice. Her mannerisms were a little too dramatic and, at times, laughable. I remember her breathy speaking voice, combined with the actual batting of eyelashes! She was a walking, talking cliche of the delicate maiden nun. You could almost hear the musical soundtrack behind her - like a movie from the 1940's. One day, a man appeared out of nowhere, as it were, began to worship her, throwing himself at her feet and proclaiming that she was a "Goddess." Her overly romanticized ego was her downfall. She ended up working the streets to support his heroin habit.
It is always better to have detractors than flatterers in this life. Some nuns have gone to extremes to make themselves less attractive, and I don't usually recommend it, but perhaps they know something about themselves the rest of us don't. I would just say that all of us females need to remember the cautionary tale of Durga that I've given you, above. Don't entertain too many romantic notions about yourself. If you are one of these people that is susceptible to the blandishments of a man who appears to have fallen hard for your charms, don't take to this life, as it will ruin you as surely as it ruined dear Durga.
The lessons gleaned from my association with holy souls that hailed from widely disparate religious traditions have been remarkably similar. Meditation and monastic practice are common to all three of these great religions: Hindu, Buddhist and Catholic Christian. All of these monastic traditions sit upon some version of the three-legged stool of poverty, chastity and obedience. The stool may appear to be different, if the color and decoration vary, but the basis is that of a three-legged seat that supports our spiritual undertaking.
A recluse often follows their own program when they choose this occupation, as far as the specific practices are concerned, although there are certainly some institutions that prescribe extensive rules of life for hermits who live under the umbrella of an establishment. But it seems to me, in my reading of the known persons who lived as I do, that the expression of the ideal finds its own peculiar manifestation, based upon the personality and gifts of each person. I do recommend studying the Catholics and their manner of doing this. They've codified everything over the last 2,000 years, and it can be helpful to you.
Retiring to a property outside of town may not be possible for you - particularly if you are physically disabled and going blind, as in my case. We all have to do the best we are able, given our circumstances. Typically, it is only those who are part of rich institutions who can afford all that great churchy ambiance. Every inch of land is owned by someone in America, and you can't just place yourself anywhere you like. If you have to live in an apartment, surrounded by people on all sides, then this is all that the Lord has provided for you, and you must be grateful for it. Do what you can, where you can. Ultimately, what is really important is the condition of your mind. On what does it naturally incline itself? Only you know the answer to that question, since it is entirely "an inside job."
The overarching requirement, of course, is that one is single, that is unmarried and unpartnered. The word "monastic" is based on "mono" which refers to "one" or "singular," in regard to the instant topic. No matter the religious tradition or the expected method of adherence to the practices of poverty, chastity and obedience, the first and absolutely necessary aspect is the singularity of the work. Married life, lived in the bosom of the family with children around one's ankles, can be a highly elevated state through which one is sanctified, but it isn't monastic life. One needs to be clear about one's suitability. Occasionally, it is apparent from youth, but many people who take to this state have previously tried other modes of life, and there is nothing wrong with that. In the history of some Eastern cultures, householders were encouraged to have a few children, raise them, and, when they had grown, the mother and father would "take to the forest" and become hermits together.
There is something to be said for the force that habit may have upon a person. This is one of the reasons why the Catholics want their nuns young, but part of this equation is that they wish to make use of them while they still have their health. It isn't for the sake of the young nun. It's for the utilitarian needs of the institution.
Poverty is usually the easiest leg of the monastic 3-legged stool. Unless you've inherited a great deal of money or worked and saved it, poverty visits you without much invitation. In the monastic life, "chastity" requires that you be unmarried, unattached, and sexually pure. As far as "obedience" is concerned, unless the recluse is living under the aegis of a particular institution, general obedience to one's religion and its requirements is the only sort one can really have.
There are those who imagine that being a hermit or an anchorite has some sort of status attached to it and, because of this, people who are involved in romantic or sexual relationships, sometimes present themselves as a religious recluse, despite being unfit in the most essential requirement of singularity. There is at least one woman I know of who advertises herself online as an "anchoress" but is married and lives with husband and children. It is a sham. I have seen a few of these, but the reality of their lives is obvious for all to see, and no great harm is done, probably. Perhaps one day they will actually move toward an authentic expression, and leave the convoluted pretense behind.
Why does one choose this kind of life? Ideally, the desire for union with the Lord is the primary incentive. Some who are invested in intercessory prayer may want to help mankind thereby. Everyone has their own special vision as to how they will work this out. I applaud them all, as long as they don't create institutions that purport to be part of a particular established religion, there is no harm in any of it, I imagine.
I remember feeling pulled toward the contemplative practices just prior to when I found the Vedanta Society. For a long time, I had been yearning for a meditation practice that would put me more in tune with the Divine. I used to have a large walk-in closet where I go and sit in a corner with the lights off, close the door, and adjust myself to the right vibrational level. The experience was exquisite and inspired me to find others of like mind, which is what I did - and this was the beginning of my serious contemplative practice.
Spiritual practice is so enjoyable, I wonder why more people don't embark on a life devoted to prayer and meditation. On the other hand, many people have remarked to me that they don't understand why anyone would willingly give up the many pleasures of life to do it. To each his own, right?
Remember, though, that meditation, prayer, fasting and other ascetic practices are a means to an end and not an end in themselves. Some people are able to deny themselves nearly everything that a human requires, and others are more ordinary in their capacity for suffering. I, myself, have constant chronic pain to offer up. We each have to be true to what is natural to us and not try to be too grand about it all. The result is the key - not the method by which we obtain it. Each of us knows what our acetic practices cost us in discomfort.
If any of my readers have a serious desire for a life lived closer to God and you'd like to talk with me about it, feel free to register a comment on this blog post. I won't publish it, unless you want me to. But I will answer any question you might have for me. It is a delight to occasionally share correspondence with others of like mind. I look forward to hearing from you.
In the meantime, may God bless us all!
Silver Rose
"Sannyasini Kaliprana"
P.S. Due to COVID, food has gotten astronomically expensive. I was ALREADY having trouble meeting all my bills, and I have to take my dog to the vet very soon for shots and tests. Please consider contributing to my food and supplement wish list. (A few items for the dog are on there as well.) AMAZON HAS MY ADDRESS AND WILL MAIL TO ME DIRECTLY:
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