TAKE REFUGE IN THE SILENCE

We are living in an era I find particularly unnerving. The right wing cult is obsessed about symbolic issues like whether or not they feel comfortable saying "Merry Christmas" to random strangers who don't respond in kind, whether a football player should stand or kneel during an anthem, and whether I should use the moniker "concentration camps" to describe the cruel treatment of children locked in cages at the border and fed frozen food (still frozen and uncooked)  because the cultist's dear grandpa lived through a Nazi death camp and HIS suffering was real, whereas the suffering of the unrelated brown children is NOT.

I am horrified, not by symbolic insults to my philosophical identity, but by descriptions of real children and babies, forced into cramped, squalid, and harsh circumstance, where they have fallen ill, are not properly fed, are suffering the strain of separation from their parents, and missing any surrogate to take the place of a loving mother. Some of the children have died. The articles describe the trauma of a 2 year-old that has been carelessly thrust on a group of pre-teen girls who were told to care for him. He went days without food, he is ill, missing his diaper, snot from his runny nose covering his dirty shirt - with no mother to hold him. He clings to the little girls who have been randomly assigned his care.

On social media, I am constantly slammed for daring to sympathize with the children. "They broke the LAW!" is what many of the self righteous hotly proclaim, and "this started with OBAMA!" and "abortion is more important!" The justifications and obfuscations are jarring. Jesus weeps.

Numerous sexual assaults on the children have been reported. The cognitive dissonance of the pep rally freak show of Donald Trump in Florida, entertaining his red-hat base, who are keening "lock her up!" in an ecstasy of hate, at the same time that thousands of children are being willfully traumatized at the border is really more than I can bear.

While I am constitutionally incapable of behaving like an ostrich and hiding my head in the proverbial sand, in order to keep from hearing the moans and cries of the real, actual children who are suffering at our hands, I have to take a break now and then and touch base with my source, the ground of all being, my creator. In the midst of the caterwauling chaos, I take refuge in silence.

To truly live in silence, the inner voice must be stilled. Thank God for the meditation instructions, the inspiration of the holy ones, the examples of the saints and sages. To save my sanity, I need to spend some time every day floating in silence. To stop putting out words and thoughts and concepts into the ether, and to wait, instead, for the breath of God, is crucial to the sustenance of the inner life.

Human society is full of horrors. I suppose it always has been. We often make a big deal out of simple kindness, since it is simply rare, in light of the whole picture of human activity. "Fireman saves puppy by risking his own life," the article says, while countless others detail dozens of stories in which not so nice people are doing not so nice things to scores of other humans. There is a cacophony of misery.

Some eras are worse than others. There seems to be an ebb and flow to it. Often, it feels manipulated and deliberate, guided by the hands of a small group of people who have a lot to gain, financially, if they steer the story in a way that tugs at the heart strings or pumps up the volume on the self-righteous rhetoric that gets some people swelling their chests and jumping into causes they do not fully understand.

Today, Trump is flirting with starting a war with Iran after our very expensive, big drone was shot out of the sky. Concurrently, certain right wing extremists are publishing online "news" proclaiming the start of  civil war if Trump isn't re-elected in 2020. In the halls of government in Washington, D.C., obstructionist Trumpist Republicans are desperately trying to drive the hearings away from the corruption and criminal activities of this administration which has indicted 34 of the president's associates (some of whom are in prison), and back onto Hillary Clinton's e-mails, a topic that floats, untethered to any relevant train of thought and definitely has no causal relationship to the challenges at the border, Trump's high crimes and misdemeanors, Trump's willingness to let Russians interfere with our elections (again), or the impending conflict with Iran.

It is all so tawdry and disgusting and petty.

In my little personal world, I find that taking care of an aging and ill body takes up a remarkable amount of time. Housekeeping is interminable. Hauling the detritus from one spot to another more organized spot, washing dishes, washing clothes, watering plants, "walking" the service dog (with my scooter) - on and on. Whilst my day-to-day activities have me dragging my body and possessions back and forth across the land, making little progress in anything useful, other than survival, in my meditations I can soar.

I woke very early this morning and drank at the spring of quietude for some time. I will go back many times today.  At the beginning of each interlude of stillness, I bring all this chaos and lay it at the feet of the Lord, with all the earnestness that my heart can carry. I unburden myself and ask Him for his assistance. Please, Lord, I understand your commitment to free will and all that, but could you step in before things get out of hand?

Confident that God's got this, I dive in.

Peace be with you.

Silver Rose

GO TO HEAVEN TODAY

Saint Teresa of Avila

Close-up, portion of statue

"Asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would

come, he said in reply, 'The coming of he kingdom of God

cannot be observed, and no one will announce, 'Look, here 

it is,' or, "There is its.' For behold, the kingdom of God is

among you."

Luke 17:20-21

Thirty five years ago, after a particularly traumatic life event, I decided I needed to learn how to meditate. I didn't know how to start or where to go, so I searched the yellow pages in the phone book. There, among a host of other strange-sounding options, was the Vedanta Society of Northern California. I misread the number, evidently, dialing what turned out to be the private number of the reigning swami at the time, Swami Shraddhananda. He kept saying, "how did you get this number?" I suspect divine intervention.

I learned a lot during my years with the Vedanta Society - mostly at the Southern California base in Hollywood. I lived on the  property in the Hollywood Hills, where I was also a nun in the convent for a few years. I write about that at length in my book.

It was surprising to me that there are so many similarities as regard to meditation practice, among the different world religions. I took to it right away and, I think partly because of the hyperconcentration of the PTSD sufferer, I was able to concentrate my attention.

In the decades since my introduction to meditation, I have been very grateful for my Vedanta training, especially the private instructions given me by my teacher, Swami Swahanandaji, a most revered swami. He was a surrogate father to me and, out of everything he taught me, the meditation is what I call upon most frequently.

Despite chronic illness and pain, the meditation practice has kept me hopeful, with the strong feeling that God is forever with me, that we are connected, that we are "one." After many years of practice, meditation can be done in any position, any time of day and during almost any other activity - at least activities that do not require discursive thought. Housekeeping and other repetitive tasks are the best.

If you have read anything about the Catholic Carmelite Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection, you will be familiar with the Practice of the Presence of God, which is a type of meditation. All he had to do was turn his attention to the Lord while he was washing the pots and pans or peeling potatoes or any one of a number of menial tasks that the other monks preferred not to do. Brother Lawrence was deemed unsuitable to become a priest. He could not sing the Daily Office as he had no facility with Latin. It is said that he wasn't very intelligent, but he was close to God. He said that he was as close to God, among his pots and pans, as if he were in the choir stall, singing the Gregorian Chant.

The kingdom of God is not something that happens for us at some future time. It is within us now, and "all" we need to do is turn our attention to it. When we want to connect with the Lord, we can confidently turn our attention to Him within and sit with Him. Buddhist students will find this very familiar, and it seems to me that, when Jesus said that the Kingdom of God is within us, He was telling us how to "go" to Heaven right now. The degree to which we are able to do this is the degree to which we are detached from the world.

Detachment, in Hinduism, Buddhism and Christianity, is variously described, but to illustrate it in Christian terms is to say that a perfect example of this is when it is announced in the Bible that the love of money is the root of all evil. It is not the money that causes the problem, it is our attachment to it. Detachment from it is so difficult that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.

Christianity talks about sins, and it seems to me that all of these sins are different ways in which we are attached to something other than the Divine. The concept is simple, but the practice is not, because we are expected to appreciate the world without being attached to it, and it is like walking on the razor's edge.

Those of you who were baptized as adults will remember that you were asked to renounce Satan, which is another way of saying that you resolve to be detached from evil, such as selfishness. Think of it: if you are attached to some evil, you cannot be submerged in God. God cannot accept into himself such darkness. The story about Satan being thrown from the Heavens is meant to convey that the evils of selfishness and arrogance can not be accommodated in the Kingdom of God, who is all Good, all Light, all Truth and all Beauty.



The more that we ourselves are attached to the goodness of God, the Light, the Truth and the Beauty of Him, the more we are part of that Heavenly realm. We do not "go" to Heaven. Rather, we open ourselves to be penetrated by and submerged in the Lord. Our behavior on this plane gives a clue to the disposition of our mind. If our mind continually rests on the Lord, it will express itself in a holy life. Everything is interconnected.

This topic is on my mind today, as I have entered a period of more intense pain and a gathering of ominous, new, and uncomfortable symptoms. But I have been able to rest in a blessed mood because of the mindful practice of the presence of God, for which I am very grateful.

The Kingdom of God is within us. It is my prayer that we are all able to throw off our dark attachments and meet one another in the light.

God bless us all

Silver "Rose"
Sannyasini Kaliprana

THE LEGACY OF TRUMP

As bizarre as this sounds, there is a sizable number of Christians who regard Donald Trump as a messiah. They believe that he has been sent by God to protect a Christian nation, and that he is a savior, of sorts. Despite the fact that Trump's behaviors and policies are less Christian than any other politician on either side of the aisle at any time in history, his evangelical supporters are willing to excuse all of it. I don't think it would ever occur to me to write about politics were it not for this weird and astonishing circumstance.

I myself was planning on voting for Trump, until the Access Hollywood tapes came out and I heard him say those horrible things and how he grabs women "by the p---y" and that was IT for me. The more I learned about him, the more I could not imagine him as president, so, despite my antipathy toward Hillary Clinton, I voted for her.

It was blatantly obvious to me that Trump was creepy and dangerous, and I was just stunned when he was elected. Granted, he LOST the popular vote by several million people and was put in office by the auspices of the Electoral College (a mystifying and nonsensical peculiarity of American democracy) but it frightens me that so many Americans, after hearing his disgusting comments and watching his outlandish antics, would not only vote for him, but hotly defend every crackpot thing he has done and said since - against all rational sense.

Speaking as a woman who has a wicked case of PTSD , thanks to rapes and assaults, the idea that this guy is president makes me really uneasy. He promotes grabbing women by their genitals without so much as a 'by your leave"; there are more than a dozen women suing him for that very thing (he claims they are lying); the hearing for his appointment of would-be rapist Kavanaugh to the bench was a nightmare (complete with yet another assault on the impeccable character of his ersatz victim); and, with the name-calling and generally vulgar attitude he broadly and publicly displays toward women, in general, if it weren't for my meditation practice, I would be a certifiable basket case.

I have had many days, when Trump's misogyny and explicit prejudice against disabled people have flowed into my life from random strangers, like that grocery store employee who claimed he believed in "Trump's law" and that I was not disabled enough to suit him so, in his eyes, I did not deserve to use my handicap parking placard. On days like that, when the PTSD has been activated by Trump lovers, it has been impossible to maintain my typically cheerful self.

Trump has cost me friends and the support of some of my Catholic community where I live. A few have dropped me from Facebook and shunned me at church because of him. Pointing out the lies and misbehaviors of Trump is "hateful," according to them. In order to keep their friendship, I would have been required to stick to the fantasy script that he is the messiah come to save us from the gays, the immigrants, the blacks, the browns, and the poor . I do not respond well to emotional blackmail, and I will be damned if I will pretend that wrong is right and bad is good in order to stay in the good graces of people who ought to know better.

A small number of relatives, with whom I was not emotionally close, did likewise. None of them speak to me now because I have had the temerity to point out that which is readily apparent to the rest of us. I am not a perfect person, but at least I aspire to the core values of Christ. Trump doesn't.

The idea that these Trump supporters cannot see what is right in front of their eyes gives me chills up my spine - because he is such an extreme case of explicit corruption. This psychological drama is like the worst horror movie I've ever seen. I used to wonder how these people would cope when they finally realized the amount of danger to which we have been subjected because of their slavish devotion to Trump, but it is slowly sinking in that they never will. I have to accept that this is the way things will be for probably the rest of my life. They'll never be able to admit what they have done, especially to themselves.

Thankfully, most Americans (and most people all over the world) see him for what he is: a craven, mentally unbalanced, morally and ethically bankrupt con artist - a wastrel who, after being given millions of dollars by Daddy, spent his life taking advantage wherever he could, at the expense of innocent people, a man whose level of narcissism is malignant. I also suspect, and I have read the opinion of a host of psychiatrists and doctors who agree, that he may be entering into a phase of some sort of dementia, probably having to do with the progression of disease and/or old age. Some days, his language is such a hash of words that he appears to be barely lucid. Who knows if all the cheeseburgers have clogged his arteries and rotted his brain, or whether he just has some as-yet diagnosed illness? In any case, not only is he temperamentally 'unsuited' for the job of president (that word doesn't do it justice), he is positively dangerous. Saying this makes me "hateful" in the eyes of the Trump lovers.

Once someone decides to shield their eyes and ears from the blatant, obvious, in-your-face reality of Trump, that decision imprisons them.  In order to maintain the fairy tale of Messiah Trump, they can't watch any news program except Fox, or they will hear a truthful narrative from all the professional journalists.  They choose to believe Trump's preposterous claim that CNN and other traditional news outlets are in some kind of conspiracy against him and that publications with strict journalistic standards have all thrown away decades of integrity in order to conspire to spread the exact same lies about him. (I wonder where they MEET? Is there a giant video chat, or what? Do they vote on the lie of the week?)

True believers can't read any news except extremist right wing rags. They will listen to what Trump says about the Mueller Report before they will believe anything Mueller himself says about it, and they will not read the report which IS available. These people won't even take the direction of the POPE, calling instead for the Pope's expulsion from the church on the basis of heresy because his guidance disagrees with Trump's view of the world. The Pope as much as blatantly stated that Trump is not Christian, criticizing his stupid sea-to-sea wall. All of this sounds like a science fiction movie - but it's real.

Walter Cronkite is rolling in his grave.

As I have mentioned before, I know a few people who voted for Trump because he promised to nominate right wing judges - and he has done that. Trump doesn't appear to really care about the Supreme Court. I doubt he understands its role, given how little he appears to know or care about any of the functions of government or basic principles of jurisprudence. His handlers have given him the list from The Federalist Society (another nightmare topic) and he dutifully proposes only the people on that approved list. People in the pro-life community whose focus is making abortion a criminal act are willing to let the rest of government fall down around our ears in service to this one goal. They see some of the craziness of Trump but they don't care because they are getting the judges they want. I am pro-life, but I don't agree with this tragic compromise because it is endangering our democratic process and putting America in real peril from foreign enemies to whom Trump has cozied up and/or aggravated.

I feel, and I have been saying from the beginning, that Trump will do his best to get us embroiled in a war in order to both distract us from his crimes and to lengthen his time in office. As I also predicted, he is making a tremendous amount of money from foreign governments, pouring money into his businesses, as well as the American taxpayer who have been hosting his adult children and in-laws at Trump's luxury resorts for golf trips and "meetings" held at Trump's luxury properties. The partisan Attorney General that he placed at the head of the Department of Justice has engineered a change to the interpretation of the laws around the emoluments clause of the constitution, to the effect that the president should be allowed to receive unlimited amounts of money from foreign governments, as long as those payments are washed through businesses owned by the president. This is very convenient to Trump, whose fortunes were flagging before becoming president. The longer he can extend his presidency, the more money he can pull into his businesses, and the more regulations he can remove for businessmen like himself, ensuring his future further enrichment. Money is usually at the bottom of all corruption, and his administration is no different.

The MOST ironic thing about all this is that I originally became attracted to the Catholic faith, not only because of the mystics but because the values of Jesus Christ appealed to me. Now, I find myself part of a group of people, many of whom have abandoned these values for political expediency. It is heartbreaking for me, personally.

Between the huge sex abuse scandals and this wholehearted embrace of a toxic political administration that promotes unChristian values, the Catholic Church is getting a real hit, as far as reputation is concerned.

I realize that this post is somewhat rambling. This IS a diary, after all, but I should sum up my thoughts, and here it is:

I believe in the values of Jesus Christ and I won't abandon them, even if a large group of my fellow Catholics have traded them in for Republican talking points and have embraced the most unChristian of all politicians. I will not be dissuaded from trying, to the best of my ability, to follow the precepts of the church, and I will also throw myself into my meditation and prayer life with greater devotion. The only peace I get these days is from my meditation, formal and informal, where I tune in to the Divine and leave all the rest of this behind. I am sorry to be traveling this road alone, but I have been an accidental hermit for so long now that giving up the last shred of hope for community life or spiritual support is not such a stretch for me. The Lord does step in and assist me when necessary.

As I was writing this, two things happened. The first was a heated exchange between a reporter and one of Trump's people on the CBS Sunday Morning show in regard to Iran and its supposed attempt to blow up a ship in the Gulf of Hormuz. If he plays his cards right, Trump will get that war he has been wanting.

The other thing that happened as I was writing this: I was dropped by another ersatz "Catholic" who lives in my town. She defriended me on Facebook without a word, and when I questioned her about it, it was because of Donald Trump. This is how they keep the bubble small and the message consistent. God save them.



Silver Rose

ADJUSTABLE BED AND OTHER BIG GIRL FURNITURE NEEDED

I came to New Mexico with only what I could fit in my little Toyota, thinking I could replace my furniture when I started working, but very soon after I got here, I became completely disabled and my Social Security is not enough to purchase furniture.

A friend from church gave me a recliner that I have been sleeping in for a couple of years, and a pink leather couch that I just love - but I desperately need a real bed that adjusts for my painful disabilities, as well as some furniture on which to work, write and paint and in which to store art supplies, paints, yarn, etc.

There is a neighbor in my complex who I can pay to put together the furniture. He used to do it professionally, lucky for me.

I have picked out the least expensive options that would work in my apartment. Amazon has my address and will ship to me direct.

Please take a look at my DONATION WISH LIST HERE

If you cannot afford any of the items on the list, but you would like to donate, please click on the PAYPAL DONATION LINK, to the right.

You know, most of my life I spent in a very minimalist style, living mainly on the floor, but I will be 65 this year, and I can't get up off the floor, once I get down there - so it's time to live like a grownup, don't you think?

God bless us all, and thank you.

Silver Rose