A MORE TRANQUIL CHRISTMAS VISION

WINTER IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD - 2015

The other morning, I was horrified to hear newscasters advocating for the best way to DISPOSE OF Christmas cards, in light of the need to recycle paper goods. I had a quick vision of friends tossing my cards in the recycle bin, along with all my effort (and expense!)

I spend many hours on my Christmas cards and typically write a personal note in each one. Choosing just the right card was, for every year of my adult life, a really special tradition. I treasured every card I was given in return, and although some personal catastrophes forced me to eliminate nearly all of my possessions at three separate points in time, I eventually resumed the habit of saving the cards I was given each year.

"Nativity at night"

by Geertgen ton Sint Jans

1490

Not many people put as much effort into their cards as I do. Many just sign their names, but the cards themselves are often graced with the most exquisite art works! In years past, I have cut the picture side from the card and placed it in a beautiful little frame, displaying it in a pretty corner or on my desk during the Christmas season. I may even frame it informally in a little wooden frame and hang it on the wall above my writing desk or cosmetic vanity.

I remember one year when I cut the image from the cards I'd been given and wrote "thank you" notes for Christmas presents on the reverse, using them as post cards, while affixing a thrifty post card stamp on it.

L'ADORATION DES BERGERS

by Georges de la Tour

1644

Currently, I am saving cards and images from magazines to use in several decoupage projects - applying the images to some lightweight wooden boxes, to be later displayed and used as jewelry boxes, hair tie boxes, and the like. [This is the type of project that is especially suited to your older children, by the way - being a lesson in the "reuse" portion of the "reduce, reuse, recycle" mantra.]

While it is true that most Americans are drowning in little bits of this-and-that (even poor people) I think it's important to differentiate between the generic machine-made, artificial blobs of STUFF and those things into which people have infused some effort and personalization. If it is really the thought that counts, then let's act like it!

If you receive a card, it means someone thought of you. There was some effort in picking out the card, the right pen, the stickers, the stamps. On top of all that inherent value, sometimes a personal note from someone like me will be layered. There are so many coats of thought and intention applied to those Christmas cards, they're like little paper vitamins for the soul and the mind! It isn't just about the holiday, though it is the reason for the season for which there is plenty of meaning imbued on its own.

CHRISTMAS TIME - THE BLODGETT FAMILY

by Eastman Johnson

When I was a little girl, my mother, my sister and I spent several Christmas seasons making our own Christmas cards at the kitchen table. We loved it! Being poor as church mice, we couldn't give anything but our time, a few sheets of paper, a little glitter, and some postage stamps. If you have a lot of time on your hands, and your Christmas card list is not long, you may become ambitious and make personalized cards uniquely your own. It's a risk that all your work will still end up in the rubbish bin, though, so keep that in mind.

Looking at this from yet another angle, I want to encourage each person who reads this to stop and consider how cavalier most of us have become about the astonishing availability of beautiful images on commercially made objects.  We take them for granted, for the most part. A couple hundred years ago, none of this was possible. How easy it has become to throw away images originally created by the great masters! There was a time, not so long ago, when you only got to see that image if you stood in front of the original painting.

NATIVITY

by Jean Baptiste Marie Pierre

(1714-1789)

Classical works of art, and many modern ones, as well, have particular lines and shapes organized along the geometric planes of whatever ground one chooses to hold the images, which lines and shapes stimulate the mind, as there are particular organizations of structure that appeal to the brain in an organic, natural fashion.

How does this translate to a more tranquil Christmas vision? I offer to you a lesson I have learned since become disabled 15 years ago. Here it is: I am not rich, and neither are you. Instead of flogging ourselves to buy as many people as much stuff as we possibly can squeeze out of our meager funds, how about all of us reduce the number of presents we feel compelled to buy and, instead, do one thing really well? I am not suggesting we should tank the economy by withdrawing all purchases entirely - just focusing our attentions more narrowly so that we are not perpetuating that constant stream of junk that is entering into the world.

THE NATIVITY

by Jacopo Tintoretto (Jacopo Robusti)

late 1550's - reworked 1570's

Since I don't have money to supply all my necessary wants, I am relieved from buying presents for anyone, since everyone knows my situation. I did give a few tokens of affection this year (mostly scarves I crocheted), but Christmas has become, for me, all about the CARDS. What I concentrated upon was writing personal notes in each of the 50 cards I sent out. They weren't expensive cards. A postage stamp cost a lot more than most of them, but because I am relieved from giving presents, for the most part, I made an effort with the cards, in which I tried to instill as much of the LOVE of Christmas that I could muster.

It occurred to me, while I was hunkered down with all those cards, that a good rule of thumb would be for everyone to give people what would fit in a card. If the person has plenty of junk clogging their shelves and cupboards and really needs nothing that you know about in particular (like most Americans) donate money to a good cause that appeals to you or to them, and include a note to that effect in the card. If you are close to the person and would like to render personal services, make your own "redeemable upon demand" coupon, and slip that into the card. If the recipient is someone whose needs exceed their income, then put some crisp bills in that person's card and you'll have their undying gratitude. They can go out and purchase the exact thing they need and love.

CHRISTMAS PAINTING

by Stefan Baumann

On Christmas Eve day, I made East Indian spiced tea and modest snacks at my house for a few other disabled ladies in my apartment complex. We savored our simple snacks, the Christmas music and our cheerful conversation. On Christmas day, I spent time with a cousin and his mate, relishing a surprisingly expert meal and the company of a few lovely people who went out of their way to make me feel comfortable. The best Christmas ever.

Throughout the Christmas season, I am making an effort to be available to friends for conversation and simple friendship, taking one out for a short grocery shopping excursion, being attentive to another who is suffering with a personal difficulty, etc. Because my Christmas has become modest, in terms of shopping and preparations, I am better able to serve others in a quiet manner, since I have the time.

Victorian Christmas Mantel

I am really enjoying the  Christmas season this year more than any other Christmas I've ever had. I am feeling really happy, and I attribute it to paring down purchases to the bare minimum, concentrating on giving a small piece of myself in Christmas cards and spending time with people, reveling in Christmas cheer. I highly recommend it!

Silver Rose

I WAS DISCRIMINATED AGAINST BY SMITHS MARKET EMPLOYEE

Yesterday, I stopped by Smith's Food on Constitution and Carlisle in Albuquerque. All of the handicap parking spots were taken. Several of the cars parked in those spots were not exhibiting any handicap placard or license plate. The lot was jam packed, and I was in too much pain to walk from the faraway spots that were available. I resolved to return the next day at an earlier time.

Today, I drove back to that market at about 10:40 a.m.  Again, the lot was packed, and handicap spots were few and far between, with all but one occupied. I noticed a trim and energetic young woman park in the spot reserved for pregnant ladies next to the handicap spot I was able to get, and then RUN into the market.  She was dressed in exercise gear. She had dark curly hair and appeared to be about 30 years old, or a bit younger. I called out to her but she ignored me. It reminded me that I had intended to speak to someone at Smith's about the parking situation for handicapped people.

I noticed two Smiths employees standing outside the market, apparently shooting the breeze. Perhaps they were on a break. One was very tall and of stocky build, with gray or blonde hair. The other was shorter, with dark hair.

Approaching them, I asked politely, "hey, do you guys ever keep track of the non-handicapped people using handicap parking? I see people using handicap parking all the time."

The tall man, with a derisive look on his face, said to me, "I believe in Trump's law. If you don't have two arms cut off or two legs, you're not handicapped."

The other man appeared to be somewhat uncomfortable by the tall man's comments. He shuffled his feet and avoided my gaze.

I said to the tall man, "Well, that's a mean comment!"

Still with an arrogant attitude, a cruel smirk on his face, he said, "There's too many of you." He continued to talk about how Trump feels about the topic of disabled people.

I asked him how we are supposed to get our shopping done. He said that we WOULDN'T.

His meaning was clearly communicated to me. He is one of those people that thinks that all disabled people are living off the dole and that we are sissies and not deserving of any kindness. CLEARLY he does not agree with the Americans with Disabilities Act, which is the law of the land, not some imaginary law of Trump.

His comments and hostile manner made my PTSD blow up. My heart started racing. I felt frightened, in danger, and prompted to FLEE.

As I left, I said to the man, "go back to Russia!" and I went into the store as fast as I could, given my limping, pained body. I would have gone directly to the manager, had the place not been exploding with people and had I not been suffering with a full blown PTSD attack which I was working on tamping down. I decided to report the incident later.

This blog is just the start.

Trump mocking the gestures of a disabled person

When Trump mocks disabled people in his speeches, he is mocking me. When he makes derogatory comments about the relative attractiveness of women, calling them "dogs" or "fat pigs," he is talking about me. When he brags about grabbing women "by the pussy" without their permission, he is talking about me. When he discounts the suffering of the disabled, he is talking about me, and when he likewise promotes the idea that poor people are worthless and criminally minded and a drain on society, he is ALSO talking about me. These lies that he spreads about the vulnerable classes filter down to cads like that guy at Smiths who treated me with CONTEMPT.

Trump has proposed and managed to effect many government measures that make the lives of disabled people much more difficult.  In addition to public policies, his lies and demeaning comments about vulnerable people, the disabled, the marginalized, women, the poor DO impact my life and the lives of other disabled people by emboldening his followers to feel entitled to bully us.

I am constantly being assaulted by Trump's ideas. My life has been rendered MUCH more difficult than it already is. People who are supposed to be giving me service treat me, not as a valuable customer, but as an unworthy person. They feel entitled to diminish me, mock me and hurt me; physically, financially and psychologically. My rights are continually being abridged or dispensed with entirely.

"When you give a crazed crying lowlife a break,

and give her a job at the White House, I guess it

just didn't work out. Good work by General Kelly

for quickly firing that dog."

~ Donald Trump, disparaging former female appointee

All of these indignities are being perpetrated against me while I am in awful pain, the inconvenience of which is compounded by mobility issues.

That stupid Smith's employee does not have x-ray vision. He cannot see that the valves of the major vein in my left leg DO NOT WORK. He cannot see that the valves DO NOT PUMP THE BLOOD THROUGH MY LEG and that, the longer I am standing upright, the more critical this issue becomes. The blood pools in my feet and ankles. The leg falls asleep and I gradually become more and more pale because of the improper distribution of blood. Often, if I stand for too long, I come close to fainting. I am not missing any of my limbs, but I might as well be, considering the effect.

That Smith's employee cannot see my scoliosis, or the fact that my left leg is shorter than the right, and that my right arm is longer than the left. He cannot know about the Ehler's Danlos type syndrome that affects all the collagen-based structures in my body, making me weaker than the typical person and more likely to fall and break bones, which I have done many times in my life. At this very moment, I am recovering from a break in a knuckle of my right hand, which became chipped when I fell. The x-ray showed a piece of bone, wedged in my muscles, causing me constant pain and reduced function. That Smith's employee cannot see any of that.

He cannot see that there is very little cushion between the bones of all my joints. When my doctor saw the x-rays, years ago, he said to me, "no wonder you're in so much pain." The doctors rely upon x-rays and other tests to diagnose me, but that Smith's employee thinks that his eyeballs are superior.

That Smith's employee perfectly demonstrated the gross and barbaric stupidity of many of Trump's supporters, who rely upon prejudiced and limited observations instead of facts. I had all my arms and legs, so I was therefore not disabled in his eyes. When he said, "there are too many of you," he was making reference to the Trumpian idea that most disabled people do not deserve the moniker, that we are faking it, that we have larcenous hearts and just looking to take advantage of more deserving citizens who work for a living, dammit.

Forget that I worked and supported myself for more than 30 years, that I am living on my Social Security insurance into which I paid money for everything I earned during 32 years. Forget that it is extremely difficult to retire early on your Social Security income because the Social Security doctors have strict standards of disability, and typically make you wait YEARS before approving you because the standards are so high and they make you jump through so many hoops!

Ignorant but opinionated people like that Smith's employee, who know nothing of the process, spread the rumor that all you need to do is lie about being disabled and "the government" just hands you money. When that man retires on HIS Social Security, he'll think nothing of it. He will think that it is somehow different than MY Social Security, that he "deserves" it but I don't.

Fortunately, the law is on my side, and I must have some kind of recourse. I'll let you know how it works out. In the meantime, perhaps it is best to stay away from Smith's Market in Albuquerque, at the corner of Constitution and Carlisle

UPDATE:

I called and spoke to the manager, Elena Sharbutt, who could not have been nicer. She too was shocked by the comments of that employee and assured me that those comments were unacceptable and do not represent the policies of Smith's. Several times during the conversation, she emphasized that I am a valuable customer and that Smith's wants me to enjoy my shopping experience. She was very warm and gracious, in addition to being efficient. She said she will look at the video. I told her the approximate time of the conversation and other pertinent details. We will talk again later, and I will keep you updated.

Silver Rose

SAINT OLYMPIAS AND THE TOPIC OF FEMALE DEACONS

Saint Olympias (Olympia) 

Far left

(360-365 until July 25, 408)

One of today's saints is a female deaconess named Olympias (modern: Olympia). There is quite a lot known about her, as she was mentioned in the extant historical references around the turn of the 5th century. I found quite a few icons of her on the internet, and many pages dedicated to her from various sources. (See the list of references, below.)

Why do we know so much about her, while other saints we have previously mentioned remain a virtual mystery, except for their names? Well, it doesn't hurt to be born to a Senator and the daughter of an emperor and to be related to other famous and influential people of the time. In addition, her life was chock full of good works. When her parents died, she distributed their wealth to the poor. She was equally generous to the Church and its charitable institutions and monastic houses.

In addition, she had the admiration of other saints, John Chrysostom, for one, who called upon her and the other deaconesses (Pentadia, Proklia & Salbina) to remain with the church and serve his successor, after he himself was banished.

Sure enough, however, when one becomes famous for holiness, there are always those who will attack the saints, even persons belonging to the faith, human nature being what it is. Patriarch Theophilus (385-412) was so jealous of the devotion of Olympias for Chrysostom that he caused her some hardship for it. Theophilus had been the recipient of much of Olympias's generosity in the past, but his loyalty evaporated from the heat of envy. Even the saints have their frenemies! For me, it is a good object lesson about human nature. One can be doing and saying the most holy, pure and upright things, and still there will be people who will try to make one suffer for it - even those who are supposedly "religious!"

In fact, Olympias and other supporters of Chrysostom were wrongly accused of burning down a large church in Constantinople, and she was made to pay a huge sum of money in recompense, even though she was entirely innocent. The first thing that occurred to me when I read about this incident was that people, even church people, will sometimes go to great lengths to grab money away from innocent persons by accusing them falsely of some crime or character defect.

Obviously, it takes a great deal of self-control and self esteem in order to maintain the extremes of holiness that the saints exhibit.

Olympias's feast day also makes me think about how difficult it is for women to accomplish anything in the church these days, and how they were shoved out of the Diaconate many centuries since. Some people will say that the Diaconate was a different sort of proposition in the early church and that the title of Deaconess for a woman was an honorific or a generic title for a lady who gave much service to the church, but this is a weak argument for continuing to keep women out and for ignoring the feminine voice in the church.

It occurs to me that the current world-wide sex scandals of the church are a reflection of the heavily masculine nature of the hierarchy, but I have no studies to offer that back up my impression. It is just something that occurs to me now and then, and I wonder if the power of the church needs to be more equally divided before we will experience a balanced application of the faith.

Pope Francis opened an investigation into the topic of  women in the Diaconate. I wonder what happened to that?

In any case, Olympias is a wonderful role model and I feel encouraged to count her among the saints to whom I direct my requests for prayers! May she help me simplify my life and better direct it to the work of the Lord. Amen.

Silver Rose

References:

ORTHODOX CHURCH IN AMERICA

NEW ADVENT CATHOLIC ENCYCLOPEDIA

CATHOLIC EXCHANGE

LOYOLA PRESS

THE FEAST OF THE UNKNOWN SAINT - Hindu Spiritual Practices' compatibility with Christianity

Me and my spiritual sisters

sitting with the swami

about 1985

Just before I joined the Vedanta convent in California, I was made the producer of a yearly celebration called "All Saints Day." It used to be "All Guru's Day," but the Western world doesn't typically use that term for holy people, so it had been changed, years before.

That year, I decided the theme would be "the Unknown Saint," with the underlying meaning being that each of us can be that unknown saint if we quietly, steadily make progress in purification, study and practice of the faith (which consisted mainly of meditation.) Of course, there was also a code of conduct similar to that of Catholicism, especially in the sexual arena, because it was perceived that sexuality was an area of human experience that holds great potential for either "God realization" or spiritual destruction.

It would be a surprise to many that the Vedantic Hindu version of sexual restraint is much more stringent than even the Catholics propose. The primary "Saint" of the Vedanta Societies was Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, and he frequently advised that a man and wife should "live as brother and sister" after the birth of one or two children (a principle echoed in many ancient strains of that religion.) Yes, that is to mean that they were no longer to have sex after that time - not for the purpose of reducing births, mind you, but to allow for more time to devote to meditation and other spiritual disciplines. Also, and probably more important in that theological construct, is that the restraint of the sex urge is a key component in rallying one's spiritual energies in a mystical way.

Hindu saint Ramakrishna (1836-1886)

Prior to the mystical path of the Hindu monastic tradition - the sadhus, swamis and their female counterparts - householders had a well defined path of gradual approach to that monastic lifestyle. The standard used to be for man and wife to take to the forest toward the end of their lives, to live a rigorous monastic existence so that they may attain to the heights of spiritual experience. Later, it became possible for younger people to bypass the householder state entirely and take directly to the ocher cloth, without marrying or having children at all.

My spiritual teacher, Swami Swahananda, allowed me to take to the Hindu monastic life in a special ceremony that permanently altered the arc of my existence as one that is dedicated to the realization of God as its primary focus. My artistic ventures, my writing, and the other incidental activities, are a pale remnant of my previous life.

Me and Swami Swahananda

Just prior to my sannyas vows

Swamiji named me Sannyasini Kaliprana. "Sannyasini" is actually a title denoting that style of Hindu monasticism. The name "Kaliprana" has something to do with my energies being informed by the spirit of the Divine Mother of the Universe (a concept that reverberates with Catholicism's respect for Mary, the Mother of God.)

Sannyasini Kaliprana, on the day of Sannyas vows

(That's "Duffy" on my lap - obviously prior to my losing some weight!)

Subsequent conversion to Catholicism did not delete my commitment to living a monastic life for God alone. In fact, when I discovered Catholic mystic Bede Griffiths (1906-1993) , I had a wonderful "ah ha!" moment of realization of the complementarity of Catholicism and the Vedantic mystical method.  I'd previously read the works of many Catholic mystics that dovetailed with the stories of Hindu saints and sages. I experience all of this as a marvelous harmony of past and present yearnings that arose from corresponding teachings.

Catholic monk, Bede Griffiths (1906-1993)

Catholic mass, with an East Indian flavor

The similarities of Vedanta with the other major religious traditions would be surprising to some Christians who have placed other religions in an "enemy of the faith" category, which they really are not. Religious education isn't complete, in my mind, without a comparative religions class or two.

While Bede Griffiths was a Catholic monk who gradually moved into an East Indian expression of the faith, my journey was the opposite. Also unlike Bede, I am not a member of any Catholic monastic institution, primarily because I am disabled and of no use to them. I suppose if I had money or was physically vigorous, there may be more interest in supporting my spiritual life, but there doesn't seem to be any, so I really AM left to my own devices, except that the life of a hermit is not typical of either religious tradition, though it exists. There are usually fellow monastics in the general vicinity. I sometimes wonder if my current hermit state is a detriment to me, but I can only hope that my faith in God is protecting me in that regard.

Divine Mother Kali of the Hindu faith

This morning, when I was researching the Catholic saints of the day and found yet another female Catholic martyr for whom we have a name but little else, the memory of that celebration, years ago, of "the unknown saint" came back to me with sweet recollection. It was during THAT time when I experienced the feeling of being saved from an otherwise pointless life. It grew to fruition in my Catholic conversion, many years later, so that every time I research one of these "unknown" Catholic saints (and most of the little known are female, by the way), I feel a renewed pull toward the Divine.

Saint Albina of Caesarea

Martyr who died in the year 250

Today's unknown saint is Saint Albina. All we know about her is that she was very young when she was martyred for the faith under Emperor Trajanus Decius in the year 250 in Caesarea, where she was born. (She could have been martyred in Formiea, according to some sources.) Anyway, she is listed in the Roman martyrology, and nothing is known of her life before her execution during the persecutions of the early church.

It is my hope to become one of that massive number of unknown saints who lived and died for God alone, without fame or fanfare. We come. We go.

May you go with God also.

Silver Rose

SAINT LUCY HELP US!

Saint Lucy, enthroned

There are a few saints that really strike a chord with me. I am usually enamored of the mystics, as that is my temperament. The martyrs get my respect, though! One of today's saints is a popular one in that category.

As a martyr that refused to give up her faith before she was hacked to death, a whole host of stories have been passed down to us. Of course we do not know how much of these tales are legitimate, but they do give us a focus for our prayers.

We can reliably assume that Lucy submitted to torture and death for refusing to deny the faith, because this is what the martyrs typically endured. The details of the stories, such as that she plucked out her own eyes to dissuade a would-be beau from pursuing her, are less reliable, but whether her eyes were removed by her torturers or she did it herself, it is likely that something happened to her eyes during her ordeal at the hands of those who tried to force her to deny her faith. Her eyes were later said to have been miraculously restored to perfect health.

As the patron saint of the blind, Saint Lucy is typically called upon for assistance with all issues of eyesight and blindness. I have age-related macular degeneration, cataracts in both eyes, and a wicked bad case of dry eye - all of which causes poor vision. I have been told that, eventually, I will go blind.

At night, when I find myself squinting at the television, even though it is rather large, a feeling of foreboding comes over me. This is the beginning. Already, I hesitate before driving at night. A lot of my personal projects revolve around preparing my apartment and my habits for the time when I can no longer see.

I think I need to add a prayer to Saint Lucy among my daily devotions. Here is the one I found online:

Saint Lucy, you did not hide your light under a basket,

but let it shine for the whole world, for all the centuries to see.

We may not suffer torture in our lives the way you did, but

we are still called to let the light of our Christianity

illumine our daily lives. Please help us to have the courage

to bring our Christianity into our work, our recreation, our

relationships, our conversation - every corner of our day.

Amen

God bless us all.

Silver Rose

LIBERAL NEWS MEDIA

"Liberal news media" is a phrase parroted by gullible followers who have been fed this idea by rich white American oligarchs who want to neutralize the fact-reporting arm of society so that they can operate under cover of darkness in order to continue to funnel all the wealth of our country to those same rich Americans, just a few of whom own more than half of the wealth in the U.S.. All it takes to earn the moniker of "liberal news media" is to report on something that reveals the crimes and lies of Donald Trump and others on the far right wing.

Ignoring the availability of nonpartisan fact-checking organizations such as snopes.com and factcheck.org, and the bare-bones reporting of Reuters (which concentrates on who, what, where, when, with no commentary) susceptible followers run around social media trying to discount the facts with the clarion call of "liberal news media!" carrying water for the rich white guys at the top of the socio-economic ladder.

Every despicable politician in history has used this method to sway large groups of people to their side so that they can have more power and more money. It is just that simple. Hitler did it. Stalin did it. It is what the morally bankrupt DO to get ahead.

The most reprehensible aspect of the current iteration of this method is that the religion of our dear Lord Jesus Christ has been hauled into the middle of it. He is being used and abused unmercifully by the party of Trump as a tool to disengage his followers from their common sense and intellects. It is being falsely claimed that Trump's vision for the future is the vision of Jesus Christ and it simply is not.

The big red herring in this odious stew is the topic of abortion. From the beginning of this current campaign of disinformation, which began years ago, the American public, specifically the evangelical wing of the Christian church, has been fed the lie that these politicians are doing the work of God, that they are going to eliminate abortion from the land.

First, they got the Christians whipped up into a white-hot fury in relation to the perceived association of "liberals" with abortion, neatly severing Jesus Christ's concern for the poor, the vulnerable, the refugee, from the public persona of the American Christian.

Whenever I express concern for the poor, the marginalized and the disenfranchised, in concert with the teachings of Jesus, I get someone sailing into the conversation and accusing me of being in favor of ABORTION. This is how effectively the puppet masters at the top of the alt. right heap have dissected the whole of the Christian message into little parts. They have convinced many Christians that the only thing that matters is the topic of abortion because it is ever so much more important to save the lives of innocent little babies than the lives of poor old people, or sick black people, or traumatized refugees. That was the first step.

This is how the most reprehensible man in the history of American politics has been tapped as a big Christian leader. The man isn't Christian AT ALL, not in his actions and certainly not in his beliefs. Nothing of what he believes jives with any part of Christ's message, but a good portion of his supporters believe that he was SENT BY GOD to save the babies.

These people are lying about their intention to make abortion illegal. That is the really sad part of it. Half the Christian world have sold their souls for the chance to make abortion illegal, but, instead, they are enabling another robber baron.

He does give lip service to being opposed to abortion, but since he has been in office, Trump's party has continued to support Planned Parenthood, and his recent addition to the Supreme Court (Kavanaugh) has recently ruled to keep support for that organization in place. Those people do not care about the babies. They care about their pocketbooks and the pocketbooks of their cronies far more than any innocent babies. They are staging their platform on the bodies of those innocent little babies, USING them to forward their careers. It is disgusting.

Trump did not start this campaign that cut the body of Christ into little pieces. He isn't smart enough. But he is the perfect representative for the guys that did. Those men who sit at the top of the heap have far more money than Trump could ever even dream of. In fact, if we ever see Trump's tax returns, I am willing to bet that, gold-plated toilets aside, he was close to being broke when he made the run for president. He needed the money he thought he would get from the notoriety of running for the highest office in the land.

Since coming into office, Trump's companies have raked in millions and millions of dollars as a direct result of his position. He has spent half his time at his luxury resorts, forcing world leaders, the press, and a hefty portion of the administration to follow suit. Millions of dollars have been spent housing and feeding these people at those luxury establishments. No babies have been saved - but Trump and his brood have been fed and housed and are raking in the dough at the same time.

Anyway, the guys at the top started this years ago and are using Trump, just like they are using all the American Christians, in order to grab more money and more power. Trump has gladly instituted permanent big tax breaks for the rich while waving small, temporary tax breaks at the upper middle class, like he is doing them a big favor. Built into those modest tax breaks for the middle class is a BIG balloon payment at the end - when the temporary tax cuts wear out. The middle class will have to pay big taxes in future to make up for a few insipid dollars now. Mistakenly, they will blame it on the Democratic administration that is SURE to come after this mess is finished, because that is when those balloon payments become due. It is calculated to explode while a Democrat is in office. Clever.

Despite the press reporting on all of these shenanigans, 23% of the American public don't believe it because Trump has been blowing the "liberal news media" smoke up their noses and they're all high on Trump's Jesus who hates gays, the poor, the marginalized, women, disabled people, and especially the blacks and the browns.

Normally, I am uninterested in politics, but it is because they are abusing Jesus so badly that I am invested now. When you use God to do something immoral, it makes the sin far worse. I suppose I love God enough to object to Him being maligned in this way, and I hate to see the beauty of Christ's message be destroyed by this bastardized version of Him.

One day, this cycle will have run its course. The American people will rise up and throw these criminals in jail. Trump's attorney has just been convicted of campaign fraud and will spend 3 years in federal prison. Others will soon follow. But I doubt that those who are really responsible will ever even be known. Even now, they are quietly sitting back, counting all the lovely money they managed to squeeze from the economy while everyone else suffered for it. Including the babies.

Silver Rose

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH

That's me, on the right.

Today, I heard an excerpt from Michelle Obama's "Note to Self." When she goes to a fancy university, on the first day she wonders, "Am I good enough?"

This is a common theme in our culture, with people wondering if they're good enough. I have never wondered if I was good enough, not because I think I'm so great but because the Lord instilled in me, very early, that all human beings are "good enough" to deserve whatever the human experience allows.

Even when I was a little girl, and my demented and cruel mother had decided that I was the black sheep of the family, I knew I was good enough. I knew that I was good enough, even when she and my sister made up derogatory songs about my body and chased me through the house, chanting and laughing at me. And when she sent me to school wearing an old cocktail dress and Oxford shoes she'd painted pea green, while at the same time buying herself a big white rabbit fur coat, I knew I was good enough, but I also knew that life was unfair. I knew that people would try to make me feel less than themselves, but that it was a lie.

Me, at age 8 or so

We are all good enough, but whether or not other people believe we are good enough, or whether our particular gifts are recognized by the market to which we appeal; whether our appearance on the scene is timely or the product we produce is popular or perceived to be needed; THOSE are the issues. They're strictly logistical and do not speak to our worthiness.

Here is an example of what I'm talking about. In high school I wrote a few chapters of a proposed novel. It was for a school project. The teacher had his interview with me and he told me that my book was derivative because it had the same theme as Orwell's 1984. I had never read that book, somehow. I'd read Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, Somerset Maugham and Poe, but not 1984. My writing was good enough. The book would have been good enough, had it not been for the fact that someone else had already done it. My self esteem was not touched in the slightest. This is what I mean.

Having equal worth doesn't mean you'll have the same job as someone else, that you'll have the same income or that you will be as popular or as pretty. Those are all variable conditions that do not have a bearing upon one's essential worth. Whether or not one has the proper education or experience for a job will probably have some bearing, but it may not. Unfair things happen all the time. Many times, in working at low-level secretarial jobs, I watched as prettier, flirtatious women, who wandered around doing no appreciable work, were given salary bumps, offices and other amenities, while hard-working but more ordinary looking women slogged along with barely a grunt of approval from their bosses.

It may go without saying that rewarding a woman simply because she won the genetic lottery is not doing her any favors, on top of it being unjust and inequitable, but it is hard to make that case when her survival is more easily won simply by taking advantage of her God given beauty. This kind of thing happens all the time. I don't think we should sanguinely accept this. If possible, you have to fight it, but it is very difficult. The important thing is to keep your self esteem intact, despite the unfairness.

You've got to develop the habit of ignoring these variables in relation to your feelings of worth. It really is a habit because it is something that becomes stronger over time if you continue to remind yourself and act accordingly. Slowly, you'll develop personal dignity, and no matter what happens to you in life, you won't question whether or not these bad things are happening to you because you don't deserve any better. The answer to that question is always "no."

Please hold onto your esteem of self and recognize that there is evil in the world. Evil people want to diminish you. In their muddied thinking, they believe that if they convince you that you are less than them, it elevates them. God does not agree. Your worth is exactly the same as any other human being on this planet.

God bless you all.

Silver Rose

PRAYER CORNER REVAMP

Dec. 2018

Living Room Prayer "Corner"

Every so often I write a post about my prayer corners. I change them around as often as I reorganize the living room, which is a very small space that is ruined with doors, windows and walkways. No matter where I put my recliner, it is in the way of a door, window or walkway. The present configuration is no different, and I think I have finally given up. As long as I live in this odd little apartment, I will just live with the set-up as it is and stop trying to find a better organization. The space is so awkward, it will never be comfortable or spacious.

When you enter my apartment, you will have to scoot around my recliner and the table I must have next to it. We will pray that your hips are more narrow than mine and you won't end up knocking everything off the little tables and onto the floor. Welcome to my world!

Now that I have resigned myself to this odd little piece of air, I decided to reorganize for the LAST time, and look forward to the day when I can leave here, hopefully to a house that I will buy from the proceeds of my writing. I have never had the money to buy any sort of home, but the dream still lives.

Whenever I buy a lottery ticket or think of what I might like to accomplish if I were to sell my book and/or paintings, I immediately think about a Catholic ashram where I might host several other senior religious women like me. It would be be an Indian style house of prayer that would rely upon the sale of art works for its income, and regular times of quiet and meditation in a quasi-monastic schedule. [We will have to be relatively flexible with all of this because of the vagaries of the human body as it breaks down with age.]

Because of my disabilities, I am physically unable to adapt myself to someone else's routine and premises, nor would I want to, as I tend to take charge under most circumstances, and religious institutions typically don't want that. I am alpha. It is my natural posture in relation to the world, and as far as I can ascertain, God has made me this way, and therefore it is good.

 

My Shrine table

In the Catholic Byzantine tradition, having at least one prayer corner in one's home is highly stressed as very necessary to the corporate spiritual life of the family that lives there. You can have dozens of icons or just a few, a big shrine table or just 10 inches square, as I have here. The point is to create a sacred space conducive to regular prayer.

I try to create sacred space throughout the entire apartment, but my joints have disintegrated to such an extent that I am not able to even keep it tidy. It is hard to feel all holy and elevated when the dust bunnies are the size of small cats. Especially important, to that end, is getting a special vacuum cleaner that will address my asthma as well as those dust bunnies and the peculiar requirements of cleaning a linoleum floor that is manufactured to look and feel like wood. Dirt and dust become wedged into the "grain." This apartment is so dusty that the walls around the heater vents are black with it. [After much research, I found an excellent vacuum that will both clean AND help me BREATH. My Amazon wish list is HERE ]

Invite the Lord into your home in a more visible way. Having a prayer corner creates a remarkable environment that encourages prayer. The visual reminders of the Lord and His saints leads you into it. You'll find that it is easier to find time to sit and meditate if you have a beautiful space in which to do it. I happen to have a lot of beautiful icons and statues that people have given me and that I have collected over the years, but you don't need all that. One picture, a candle, a set of prayer beads, set on a small table with a chair nearby: these are all you really need.

Try to remember that God is everywhere, including most especially in your home. There are many advantages to having at least one prayer corner in your home, but I won't tell you all of them. Discover for yourself.

God bless you all.

TOMORROW IS THE FEAST OF THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION

Mary, the Immaculate Conception

The feast of the Immaculate Conception is a solemnity in the Catholic Church and a Holy Day of Obligation, which means you have to go, barring illness or seniority. I am physically unable to sit through mass, so I hope that those of you who are ABLE to attend will do so and take me with you in your prayers.

Today a friend of mine succumbed (once again) to the blandishments of a scam artist who called, out of the blue, offered to give her a big loan to pay off all her credit cards, and under the pretense of needing information to see if she qualified, asked her for all her credit card numbers and critical info.

Thanks be to God, I had been mysteriously drawn to drop by while walking my dog, shortly after she'd had this phone call, and I was able to get her to call her credit card companies and report it so that the scam artist couldn't make any charges. I was so upset by this additional reminder that my friend is disappearing - collapsing into a mind that no longer supports her - that I managed to snap at her angrily.

Later, I reflected on my snappishness, and it occurred to me that I used to be nicer. What happened? I had somehow become a very pale version of my father, a horrifying angry man who flew into a fury at the slightest mistake on my behalf. I remember once, coming into the house after a late night and turning on a light so I could see my way from the living room to my bedroom, and how he came tearing out of his bedroom, murder in his eyes, screaming at the top of lungs about how selfish I was for turning on a light and waking him up.

He was not the kind of dad that was concerned that his daughter might trip over something in the living room so that he left a light on for her while she was out to dinner with friends. No. Though a millionaire, he was stringently thrifty and was more concerned about the electric bill than any pesky broken bones of mine.

Our parents form a certain part of our psyche certainly, but there is also an accumulation of  other violences endured.  I can trace the time my personality started to change when I was conned by a family member in a (successful) effort to dispossess me of my inheritance from said father of the murderous rage.

Failing to thoroughly forgive those that hurt us, especially those persons who knowingly and deliberately damage us in an evil way, is a sure method of twisting our personalities. Jesus was a brilliant psychologist.

I was really bothered that my first instinct was anger and irritation when my friend had, once again, handed over all her personal and financial information to a stranger. I know there is something wrong with this woman - Alzheimer's or medication issues or what have you - but even at this late stage of life, when I have spent scores of years practicing compassion, kindness and patience, I fell back into being my father's ghostly image. It doesn't matter that, whatever disintegrating process is wreaking havoc on her brain also causes her to be consistently nasty to me most of the time these days. She probably cannot help herself.

I sat down to pray Vespers from the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary. I have a wooden lap desk where I store my prayer books and rosaries, and it makes me happy and peaceful just to open it up and handle my holy things. My prayers weren't all that uplifting today, but I felt a wonderful peace in just meditating for 15 minutes or so. I resolved to be more regular with my prayer schedule and especially with my prayers of forgiveness.

A few years ago, In a small lined notebook, I started a "forgiveness journal," writing down the names of people I need to forgive and a brief description of WHY. Forgiveness, in general, is not hard for me to do. I love to forgive people, especially those who ASK for it.  People who commit evil because it suits them to benefit themselves at someone else's expense and have no apparent remorse - those are the hard ones, aren't they? I have been the target of several of these sort of people, so forgiveness has become somewhat of a vocation for me.

There are people, who I suppose are sociopaths, who commit evil because they love to hurt people. I have one of those dangerous people in my family. I must forgive them, but it isn't enough to forgive once because the resentment and hurt come back like persistent mosquitoes. I have to do it every day.

Some time spent in meditation helped me arrive at a point of peace, as it usually does, and I resolved to be more regular with my prayer schedule. I listened to some recordings of other monastics reciting the Little Office and chanting the Latin prayers and was lifted up even more. There is so much beauty in the spiritual life!

Tomorrow is another day to start fresh.

Don't forget church tomorrow.

Silver Rose