ACCEPTING GOD'S WILL

"Perfection is founded entirely on the love of God: 

"Charity is the bond of perfection;" and perfect love 

of God means the complete union of our will with 

God's: "The principal effect of love is so to unite the 

wills of those who love each other as to make them 

will the same things." It follows then, that the more 

one unites his will with the divine will, the greater 

will be his love of God. Mortification, meditation, 

receiving Holy Communion, acts of fraternal charity 

are all certainly pleasing to God - but only when they 

are in accordance with his will. When they do not 

accord with God's will, he not only finds no pleasure 

in them, but he even rejects them utterly and punishes 

them."  ~ Saint Alphonsus Maria de Ligouri

Yesterday I attended the local Lay Dominican Chapter meeting.  First, there was morning mass in the church, then we moved over to the parish hall and had our meeting, which was begun with daily prayer from the book of Shorter Christian Prayer, a truncated version of the Daily Office that is said throughout the Catholic Church in monasteries and convents and sometimes by individuals at home.

We had a light breakfast, a reflection, some discussion about future events, and then we broke out into three groups for a discussion of a recent paper on governance that was a preparatory document in light of upcoming elections.  After all of that, I met with a few people with regard to entering the "Inquirer" stage of the process of becoming part of the Dominican order.

All of this took about 4 hours, and by the time it was over, I was in agony of physical pain.  My back, legs, sciatic nerve, and arthritic tailbone were all screaming at me, despite having taken two strong pain pills.  The pain stayed with me throughout the rest of the day, which I spent in my recliner, some of it sleeping.  I missed my customary Saturday evening mass.  At 10:30 p.m., I was still feeling the pain, and I realized that I am not physically able to attend these Lay Dominican meetings.

The most I can do is attend mass once a week at my parish, where they supply me with a chair that helps alleviate some of the pain that comes from sitting for so long.  Becoming part of a third order is a fine and beautiful thing to do, but it has become obvious to me that, as fine as it is, it is not God's will for the trajectory of my life.  I love God, therefore I exult in learning His will for me, regardless of what it is, because whatever it is, it is an expression of his love for me and his deep involvement in my life.

Nothing happens in life that God does not either will or allow to happen.  

Cheerfully accepting the will of God when it doesn't happen to coincide with what I thought I wanted is something I am STILL learning to do!  The alternative just causes me unhappiness.  There is a certain joy in knowing that God has revealed a clear path for me by hemming it in with very tall barriers.  I told Him I wanted only to know his will and, having my explicit permission, given by my free will, He has obliged me.

I had envisioned a different sort of life for myself in my later years. For the longest time, I yearned to be a nun in a contemplative convent with other nuns, but, having spent many years in God's company, alone in my apartment hermitage, I have grown to love this life as an expression of God's love for me. Being an accidental hermit who is disabled and mostly home-bound had not figured into my plans, but this is the situation with which I am gifted.  Having faith in God that he knows what is best for me in the highest sense is a crucial part of my spirituality.

Cultivating gratitude and learning to say "thank you" for the obstacles has been a hard lesson that took me a very long time to learn, and I am still evolving along those lines.  I suspect that this type of conversion just goes on forever.  In this deliberate effort, the joy of surrender is gradually coming upon me.  I pray that one day this joy will be complete.

In the meantime, I have advised the Lay Dominicans that I will not be able to continue with them, until and unless my health improves.  I will continue on at home, praying, meditating, and practicing the presence of God.

God bless us all.

Silver Rose Parnell

(c) 2015